If You Only Knew

Alyssa’s POV

The drive to first beach was great. Jake and I laughed and talked the entire ride there. There was not one dull moment between us during the drive. We spent time remembering times when we were younger and simply catching up on things. Jake and I had never really talked since I came back but I was glad that we were now.

We seemed to just click. It wasn’t like when we were younger, we got along great. We didn’t start arguing with each other then stop talking, we simply got along. I had worried for nothing. Jake and I were older now, why would I even think that things were going to be the same as when we were younger.

We soon pulled up to the beach and Jake parked the car. I smiled and unbuckled my seatbelt. Jake opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off by opening the car door and jumping out. “Last one down there’s a rotten egg” I said before I bolted down to the beach.

I could hear Jake complaining from behind me followed by the sound of a car door closing. I continued to laugh as I ran. The wind had picked up and was now blowing slightly but I ignored it. I enjoyed the feel of the wind blowing my hair, even if it was blowing in various directions. I reached the beach and continued to run knowing that I wouldn’t have long before Jake caught up with me.

Two hands soon grabbed my waist and picked me up in mid-air. I let out a playfully squeal out of shock, even though I knew it exactly who it was. Jake spun me around in mid air as I let out a care free laugh.

“Okay, I give, I give” I surrendered.

Jake chuckled before setting me back down on my feet. He kept his hands on my waist though, and I was glad that he did. I felt slightly dizzy and didn’t want to have my face meet the sand. Not only that but he was so warm, that I didn’t want him to ever let go.

“Just like old times huh” he said as he flashed his gorgeous white smile down at me.

“No, I never surrendered when we were younger” I disagreed.

“Yeah you did”

“No I didn’t I was too busy having fun kicking your butt to surrender” I said with a laugh.

“Oh please” Jake said while rolling his eyes. “You never kicked my butt. I always kicked yours”

“Ha I remember you with your face in the dirt in front of your house. I think that classifies as kicking your butt. And I did it all in a dress” I boasted.

It was true. When we were younger my mother made me wear a dress one day, and I hated it. She did my hair and everything; she said that I looked like a little girl should for once. When Embry, Quil and Jake first saw it they didn’t say anything. Embry and Quil said that I looked different. Jake on the other hand said that I looked like a wannabe girl. He said that the dress only showed how much of a girl I wasn’t. This only made me mad and led to us both wrestling on his front lawn. The end result was me going home with a ruined dress and a scratch on my face, while Jake had a face full of dirt and tons of bruises. I guess you could say that fight was a tie.Who am I kidding, I won that fight easily.

“I remember that…I so won that fight” Jake said.

“Was that before or after I kicked your ass?”

“That’s it” Jake then picked me bridal style in one swift motion. I laughed once again until I saw that Jake was carrying me towards the water. He wouldn’t do that..No he wouldn’t do that.

“Jake what are you doing?” I questioned as we got closer.

“Oh nothing, nothing at all” he said with a smirk. He then stepped into the water and started to walk out further and further. He didn’t stop walking until the water came to his knees. He smirked down at me which only made me worry some more. I quickly snaked my arms around his neck so that he wouldn’t drop me.

“Jake…my phones in my pocket” I spoke. I was trying to think of something that might make him reconsider soaking me.

“Oh really?” he questioned. He then tossed me over his shoulder. He quickly went into my pocket and took my phone out. My eyes went wide, there wasn’t anything that I could do to save me now. Jake then put his hands on my waist and threw my off his shoulder and into the water.

I screamed before the freezing cold water surrounded me. I resurfaced and gasped for air. Jake had thrown me a pretty far distance from where he was standing. The water was deep but I could touch it slightly.

Jake was holding his stomach as he roared with laughter. I sent a glare his way as I treaded water. I couldn’t believe that he had just done that. He had actually thrown me in the water. I was actually glad that all of the make-up that I owned was water proof.

I swam back until I was able to stand up in the water. I folded my arms across my chest and glared at Jake. He had finally stopped laughing but he was still smiling at me. He held his arms up defensively. “I surrender, I just couldn’t resist”

I continued to glare at him as I stood there. I was completely drenched. My hair was now dripping wet and stringy. There was water in my shoes and with no sun, I knew that I was going to be soaked for a while.

I walked past him and onto the beach making sure I hit him with my shoulder,though it hurt me way more than it hurt him. “Awe don’t be like that” I heard him say from behind me. I continued to walk onto the sand ignoring him.

I turned around and sat down on the sand. Jake was walking out of the water smiling at me. I continued to pout with my arms folded across my chest. The wind blew causing goose bumps to form along my arms. I cold chill ran down my spine.

Jake stood in front of me and opened his arms. “It’s 108 degrees over here”

I shivered before looking down at the ground. “Fine” I muttered.

I didn’t have to look up to know that he was smirking. He sat down beside me on the sand, and I could already feel the heat radiating off of him. He then put his arms around my shoulders and I instantly felt comfortable. I turned over so that I was facing him and buried my face in his chest.

I instantly sighed out of relief and comfort. I just felt so safe in Jake’s arms. I just felt like nothing could go wrong, like nothing could happen to me. I felt like everything was right while I was in Jake’s arms. “I hate you for being so warm and comfortable” I muttered into his chest.

His chest vibrated as he laughed. “I’ll remember that”

I smiled into his chest. I then sat up but rested my head on his shoulder. I continued to stare out at the waves as I laid there.

“Okay, change of subject, what have you been up to for the past couple of years. As in the years before you were wolfafied and the years or months after” I said.

“Wolfafied?” Jake questioned.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Well vampires are turned so you guys must be wolfafied” I explained. It made since to me. I didn’t want to say turned since vampires and werewolves seemed to be exact opposites. Vampires were colder, dead, and not as muscular as the guys. The guys were hot, muscular and clearly alive.

“Fair enough” he said.

“I haven’t really been doing anything eventful up until I phased, that’s the word you were looking for” he began. I rolled my eyes at his comment. So I didn’t know the word for when he turned, I liked my word better.

“I just hung out with Quil and Embry. There isn’t really anything for me to say”

“Any girlfriends” I blurted out. The words had already found their way out of my mouth before I could stop them.

I honestly, didn’t want to know about anything that had to do with Jake and another girl. I may not be dating the guy but I don’t want the image of him and another girl in my head. I knew that once it was in my head it would take forever to get the image out of my head.

Jake raised an eyebrow as he looked down at me. I only snuggled myself closer to him. I didn’t want to meet his eyes, then he would know how much I didn’t really want to know.

“A few but nothing serious” he said with a shrug.

“Really no one” I quickly blurted out once again. I wished that Jake would throw me in the water again or do something to get me to shut the hell up.

“I guess there was one….but she wasn’t my girlfriend”

“What happened?” I questioned hesitantly. This time I really did want to know what happened. I just didn’t know if Jake wanted to talk about it.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He then locked his gaze with mine. “Do you really want to know?”

I nodded my head as I looked at him. As I looked in his eyes I could tell that I was in for a story. I could tell that there was going to be a lot behind this girl that was or is in Jake’s life. I could see a small flash of anger and hurt in his eyes. Whoever this girl was, she had a huge affect on him.

Jake started to tell me about Bella. He told me everything. He started from the beginning when she moved here and he and Billy got her the truck. He told me about how she fell in love with Edward even thought so was a vampire. He told me about how he left her so she started to hang out with Jake. He told me about the time that they spent in his garage, he told me basically everything. He told me how he started to have the symptoms of phasing while he was out with her and one of her friends. When he told me about how she went back to Edward when he came back I saw a small flash of anger in his eyes. It was extremely small, if I wasn’t looking directly at him when he said it, I wouldn’t have noticed it.

Hearing Jake talk about her made me slightly jealous. He was in love with her, well from what he told me it sounded like he was in love with her. He was so hurt at the fact that she just left him after everything that he had gone through with her, I couldn’t help but be slightly jealous. Then again I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t mad at Bella for what she did. I didn’t even think that what she did was that bad.

“I couldn’t believe that she lead me on that” he finished.

I sat there for a while silently taking it all in. I was gathering my thoughts together so that I would know what to say to Jake. “Honestly…” I began

“I don’t think that she was leading you on Jake”

“Oh” Jake plainly replied.

“I’m not saying that what she did was right. I’m just saying that I can understand why she did it”

“Really?” Jake questioned. I simply nodded my head before taking a deep breath.

“She loved him Jake, loved him. When you love someone they become almost a part of you, and when he left he left her..broken almost. She felt alone, she probably felt like there was a piece of her missing. When you came along you helped to fill that hole, even if it was just for a little while. If she lead you on, she probably didn’t mean to or realize that she was doing it, or maybe she did but she was just broken Jake”

I took a deep breath as my mind began to wander. My mind began to wander back to the incident between me and Collin. It wandered back to the day when he broke up with me. The day he told me that what we had wasn’t real, and that it wouldn’t be able to survive what we were about to through. My mind went back to when I started to become a party girl because of it, when I started to show more skin than I normally would, and do more things with guys than I normally would. I could almost relate to what Bella was going through.

“When someone you love leaves you, you feel alone. You feel like you need to find something, or someone to help you feel that hole. You start to do things that you normally wouldn’t do just to feel as if that hole was being filled. You just want to be whole again. You’ll do anything just to keep that small feeling or that someone that feels that hole for you. You don’t want to lose that feeling again. It may not be the same feeling but its close enough to help you forget that pain”

I sighed and looked down at my soaked shoes. I started to forget that I was talking about Bella and started to find myself talking about myself.

“But when you go home after that party and your no longer with that guy the feeling goes. You find yourself starting to do things that would either make you forget about that feeling or to make that feeling last longer. You either start staying out later or drinking more. Then you start to hang out with more guys and become more of a friend with benefits with guys rather than an actual friend”

I sniffed as tears began to brim my eyes. I closed my eyes and swallowed to keep my throat from becoming drier. “She really didn’t mean it Jake, it just happened”

Jake took his arm from around me. I opened my eyes to see him kneeling in front of me. Concern and pain filled his eyes. He looked as if by me being hurt, he was hurt to. I could tell that he hated seeing me like this.

“He left you broken didn’t he?” he questioned slightly above a whisper.

I simply nodded my head. I wiped a tear that had managed to slide down my cheek. I was feeling like I had before when I thought about how Collin and I used to be. All of my past pain began to come back to me in a matter of seconds.

Jake put his index finger under my chin and lifted it so that my gaze met his. We were inches away from each other. I could almost feel his breath tickling my lips. I almost got lost in his deep brown eyes as I stared into them. My heart began to pound in my chest once again.

“Alyssa….” he said trialing off. He licked his lips as he continued to intensely stare at me. “Let me fix you”

I bit my bottom lip and looked away from him. I then shifted my gaze back to him. “Jake….I don’t know if I can” I honestly spoke. My voice was quiet. It was so quiet that what I had said was barely audible, but I knew that he could hear me.

Jake tucked one of my stray hairs behind my ear. “Lys, I can’t stand to see you broken like this. Please just let me fix you”

“Jake….if I let you fix me…promise me one thing”

Jake smiled. “Anything”

“Promise me…..that…you’ll stay with me through the end. I don’t think that I could take—”

I was interrupted by Jake gently placing his lips on mine. I sighed and closed my eyes. Our lips moved perfectly in sync as fireworks shot off in my head. My mind went completely blank. The only thing that I could think of, was Jake and the kiss. The kiss was full of passion, and love. The kiss was slow but it was amazing. It was different from any other kiss that I had felt before. His lips were bigger than mine yet they felt as if they were perfectly molded for mine. I loved every second of the kiss and I never wanted it to end.

We slowly pulled away and I was left breathless. I couldn’t believe all of the feelings that I had gotten from one kiss. Everything just felt so right when I kissed him.

Jake was smiling one of his gorgeous smiles at me. “Promise”