If You Only Knew

Alyssa’s POV

I walked into my house completely content and dazed. I was still slightly damp but I had hardly noticed. Everything was still going through my mind. I couldn’t believe that all of that had happened between me and Jake. I couldn’t believe that his kiss was so….amazing.

All my mind could think about now was Jake. Even when he dropped me off at my house I felt as if I was still in a daze. I felt as if I was on autopilot, but in a good way. I was thinking about Jake and what was going to happen between us now. Did this mean that we were together? I knew that no matter what happens, it wasn’t going to be awkward between us, or at least I hope that it won’t be awkward.

I started to walk upstairs when a voice behind me distracted me. “Whoa, what happened to you, it’s not even raining, why are you wet?” my dad questioned.

I turned around to face him. There was a bag of sour cream and onion chips in his hand letting me know that he had been snacking. This only confused me because the aroma of chicken and rice filled the air. I didn’t pay much attention to it, since I was still slightly dazed.

“Huh, oh yeah I guess I am wet” I said with a small laugh as I looked down at my clothes.

“What exactly did you and Kim do?” he questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh…we went shopping” I replied as I looked up.

My dad furrowed his brows together in confusion. He then reached into the bag for more chips. “And how did you get wet?”

I found myself involuntarily smiling when I remembered being at the beach with Jake. “Oh yeah that..Jake threw me into the water at first beach”

My dad’s face then fell serious. He looked at me skeptically before setting the bag of chips down on the table behind him. I knew that he was going into over protective father mode, but I didn’t really care. Nothing happened, or at least nothing that he needs to worry about happened. It’s not like I planned on telling him that I just had the most amazing kiss of my life and it was with Jake.

“How did you end up with Jake if you left with Kim?” he questioned while crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well, when Kim and her boyfriend saw each other at the mall they ditched me and Jake so we decided to hang out at first beach together” I explained.

“Then why are you so smiley? Are you and Jacob dating?”

“I’m just in a good mood and…..I’m actually not sure if we’re dating or not” I replied with a shrug of my shoulders and a smile on my face.

My father’s face fell in disbelief. I could tell that he didn’t know whether to be worried or shocked. I think that he was a little of both. I giggled before I ran up the steps, taking two at a time. I heard my father calling me as I reached the top of the steps but I only continued to giggle. I hardly ever giggle so when I did giggle it only made me feel as if I was in even more of a happy-go-lucky mood.

I opened the door to my almost dark room and noticed that my window was open. The wind was blowing causing the lavender curtains in front of the window to blow. I didn’t remember leaving the window but I shrugged it off as nothing.

I walked over to the window and closed it. Suddenly my right side felt deathly cold. My happy and cheerful mood instantly left my body. I was once again back to my normal self. I could feel something deathly cold extremely close to me. I wanted to scream, but I didn’t know what would happen if I did. I want to telepathically send whatever it was across the room, but somehow I knew that this wasn’t the time for that.

I slowly shifted my gaze to whatever was next to me. I could see the silhouette of a person standing next to me. My breathing started to quicken as I stood there. My heart began to pound out of fear, instead of anticipation like it had before. I was scared that whoever was next to me could hear my heart pounding, letting them know that I was definitely scared.

“Relax babe, it’s only me” a familiar voice spoke. I instantly found myself relaxing at the sound of his voice. My heart began to stop pounding and return to its normal pace. My stomach on the other hand began to do flips while it rode a rollercoaster.

He slipped his deathly cold hand into mine, causing me to let out a small gasp from shock. I had just spent hours with Jake, who was 108 degrees. When his icy-cold hand found its way to mine I couldn’t help but be shocked.

He gave my hand a small but reassuring squeeze. I turned around to face him. I sent a small smile his way as I stared into his golden eyes. I honestly didn’t expect that I would ever see him again. I expected him to be…anywhere but here.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before looking at me. His face showed more disgust than hunger. I knew that it was because I was just with Jake.

“Yes I was with one of them” I explained before he could ask.

“Trust me I know” he muttered. “But I don’t mind. Instead of wanting to…you know…I would rather run and throw up”

I laughed extremely lightly, that it was almost unnoticeable. He then led me over to my bed, never letting go of my hand. He sat down on my bed and gently pulled me down so that I was sitting next to him.

His face suddenly changed. It became more of a disappointing look rather than disgust thought I knew that he still could barely stand my smell, despite what he had said about not minding.

“You promised me that you weren’t going to use your telepathy unless it was an emergency and you’ve been using it for almost anything. Do you have any idea how dangerous that it?” his voice was dripping with worrying causing me to become disappointed in myself. I did promise him that I wasn’t going to use my powers, and I did it anyway. I tried not to use them, I truly did but somehow, I ended up using them anyway.

“I told you to keep a low profile. Hanging out with dogs and using your powers at your own free whim isn’t keeping a low profile. Using your powers is only going to let him know where you are and hanging out with dogs is only going to edge him on. Seriously, what were you thinking?”

“I-I…” I let out an exasperated sigh. I slid my hand out of his grip and stood up off of the bed. I started to pace the floor back and forth as Collin watched my every move. I ran my hair throw my hair repeatedly and twirled the ends of my hair, both, clear signs that I was flustered.

“I don’t know Collin, I’ve just been distracted lately okay. There’s a lot going on in my life right now. The whole him being after me thing and…” I stopped in the middle of my rant and turned to face Collin. He was watching me intently, studying my every move. I knew that there was no way that I could get past telling him what was going on lately between me and Jake.

But how could I tell him. I could I tell my vampire ex-boyfriend that my soul-mate is his destined enemy. How could I tell him that I not only still have feelings for him but I also have feelings for Jake? As far as I’m concerned, there isn’t a way to tell someone that.

I bit my lip and looked down at my soaked shoes. “And a few more personal problems” I muttered under my breath.

I fiddled with the hem of my sweater as I stood there. It was a habit that I did whenever I was in front of Collin. Whenever I was telling him half-of something that was going on I would almost shrink down and lose confidence. Why, because I knew that he knew I was trying not to lie to him but trying to avoid the truth as well.

Collin placed his cold hands on my waist and pulled me so that I was standing directly in front of him. I continued to bite my lip but moved so that I was now playing with the hem of my tank top. I kept my gaze on my shoes, knowing that I shouldn’t look into his eyes when I was like this. Even if his eyes were golden now, he still had the same affect on me as he did when he had green eyes.

Collin gave me sides a slight squeeze causing me to look up at him, as a reflex. My eyes immediately locked with his golden ones.

The Sun was basically gone now, causing my room to be even darker than it was before. The only light in my room was the small moonlight shining through my window. The moon shone ever so slightly in the perfect spot. It caused Collin’s eyes to seem even brighter, and deeper. It caused his eyes to posses more emotion than they would have at any other time of day.

Fate seemed to hate me right now. It was as if fate wanted me to hold onto my feelings for Collin because it certainly seemed like it. If this were back when he and I were dating we would have broken out into a passionate kiss by now.

Collin’s face was serious yet…..loving. No it couldn’t be, Collin ended us a long time ago. He said that what we had wasn’t real. He basically said that he didn’t love me anymore and that he doesn’t think he ever did. He couldn’t have love in his eyes. This had to be wishful thinking or something. Maybe, I was starting to go insane but I knew that Collin couldn’t love me.

As much as I wished that it hadn’t of happened or that I could control it, a smiled soon made its way onto my face. Collin sighed once again. He reached up and tucked a few stray hairs behind my ear.

“I just don’t want anything to happen to you. If anything happened to you Alyssa…..I don’t know what I’d do” I could tell by the tone of his voice, that everything that he was saying was completely true.

I let go of my shirt and once again did something that I wished that I hadn’t. I put my hands on his shoulders, and sent him a warmand loving smile as I stared down at him.

“I know Collin, I know” I spoke barely above a whisper.

“No, you don’t. You have no idea how much of what I said is true. You have no idea how much I wish….” He trailed off with a sigh. He then looked away from me but tightened his grip around my waist. I didn’t mind, in fact I completely ignored it.

I cupped his cold face in my hands and forced him to look up at me. Collin gazed into my eyes and I gazed right back. “You don’t know how much I wish that you could tell me, but it doesn’t matter right now. None of it does, you’re all that matters to me right now”

As soon as the words left my mouth a heavy pang hit my chest. It was actually closer to my heart but it heart like hell. It hurt as if I was having a heart attack, but it wasn’t physical. It was emotional pain. My mind suddenly went back to when I was at the beach with Jake.

“Alyssa……let me fix you”

The words echoed in my head like thunder. The words continued to repeat themselves over and over again. I immediately regretted what I had just said to Collin. I didn’t know if it was true anymore or not. Back when we were dating I would have meant every word and never thought twice about it. Now, I didn’t know what to think.

Before I could actually make it seem as if what I had said had meant something else, Collin had gently pulled me down onto the bed underneath him in the blink of an eye.One of the benefits of being a vampire.

Once again I was sucked into the moment before I could comprehend what was going on.

Collin gazed down at me as he hovered over me. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck as I gazed up at him. “Lyssa….” He trailed off.

“Hm?”

“No matter what color my eyes are or how they may change, no matter how I may change, you will always be one of the most gorgeous girls…that I have ever seen in my life”

I could help but smile wider at that. He was still the same sweet Collin that he was before. Collin sighed before slowly starting to lean in. I simply closed my eyes as my heart started to pound.

I was so confused right now. My brain couldn’t even think straight. My heart was no use either. Part of my heart was screaming, do it, do it, do it, take him back. The other part was screaming think about Jake, think about how he will feel when he finds out. All of the confusion and yearning for both of the guys made my heart ache severely.

I opened my eyes as Collin’s lips grazed my own. “Collin” I whispered barely audible. I still had no idea what I was doing. I wanted to get his attention but also I wanted him to kiss me.

“Hm?” he quietly questioned as his lips gazed mine once more. I found myself parting my lips as a small moan escaped my lips from the contact of his surprisingly normal temperature lips.

“I…” I spoke but this time I wasn’t even sure if I had said it.

Suddenly Collin pulled back and looked over at the window. In a flash he was standing over by my window. I was somewhat relived yet disappointed. I didn’t know what to feel at this point. “Damn” Collin muttered under his breath.

I slowly stood up out of my bed and dragged myself to stand next to him. Before I could ask what was wrong, I saw for myself.

I saw the guys in wolf form standing in the woods by my house. Suddenly Sam, Jacob and Paul emerged in their human forms walking towards my house. Jake looked pissed, and worried beyond expression. He was walking ahead of Paul and Sam since he was walking at an extremely fast pace. Paul always looked mad but this time he looked determined. I knew exactly what was going on, they had picked up on Collin’s scent.

“Shit” I muttered under my breath.

This was going to end badly.