If You Only Knew

Alyssa’s POV

I sat on the steps on the small porch of Sam’s house. Clouds were beginning to roll in, darkening the sky, despite the fact that it was only noon. The harsh wind blew, without my help this time, swaying the tress. A storm was approaching yet I remained in my seat on the step.

I couldn’t be inside; I couldn’t handle what was going on. In a few hours I would be facing a life threatening moment. The moment that I was going to face would determine my fate. It would determine how the rest of my life would play out, or my undead life.

I pulled my sweater closer to me as I looked down at the ground. A harsh wind blew, striking me. My cheeks began to burn from the cold air repeatedly striking it. I simply shrugged the pain off, as I wrapped my arms around me.

Angry yelling suddenly sounded from the house, a female voice. I slammed my eyes shut, knowing that it was Leah. I could hear Sam’s voice, filled with authority, commanding her to settle down as I shut my eyes tighter.

I knew why she was upset, and I couldn’t blame her. The pack had been running extra shifts, losing sleep during their summer just to protect me. They hardly ever rested anymore. Hearing that they were going to have to patrol 24/7 now, because my attackers we coming, only pushed her over the edge.

This entire situation was my fault. I should have simply let them turn me, when I had the chance. If I had, then I wouldn’t have pulled them all into this. They wouldn’t be risking their lives to save me.

Despite what Jacob had said, I couldn’t help but to feel guilty. I believed Jake, I believed that he would do anything for me, but I didn’t know if he actually could.

I was beginning to think that he would be safer if I was simply turned. If I did it I would be doing it for him, no matter how much I didn’t want to be undead.

“It’s going to rain soon, maybe you should come in,” a voice spoke from behind me. I opened my eyes, looking over my shoulder.

Emily stood there with her arms wrapped around her. Her hair was tied back into a ponytail; she didn’t want any hair to get into the food as she cooked. She sent me a warm yet sympathetic smile. I sent her a small smile before looking forward once more.

“It’s alright Em,” I spoke. “I’m fine,”

I heard her quiet footsteps against the wood of the porch. She soon set down on the step beside me, as my gaze remained on the woods in front of us.

“You know Jacob would never let anything happen to you,” she spoke.

I nodded as I licked my lips. “I know, he told me,” I whispered.

I continued to stare at the words, as if I was expecting something to happen. Instead the trees simply swayed as the wind blew.

I closed my eyes as a sigh escaped my lips. I closed my eyes, as the wind hit my cheeks. I ran a hand through my locks before looking over at Emily.

“I can’t let anything happen to him either…any of them,” I spoke. I quickly looked back at the forest as I continued.

“So I’m going to protect them as well. It’s simply the right thing to do,”

I could see Emily’s face fall out of the corner of my eye. Her face now held nothing but pure disbelief. She knew what I was talking about, and she disapproved.

“No, sweetie that’s not the answer. That’s never the answer, and I can tell that you don’t really want to either,” she spoke.

I was surprised at how stern yet comforting the tone of her voice was. Despite, how awful she thought this decision of mine was, she still managed to remain calm. She had all the qualities’ of a good mother, she will be a great mother one day.

“What other choice do I have Em,” I spoke as I closed my eyes.

“Anything but that,” she quickly retorted. She shook her head disapprovingly. “You don’t have any faith in Jake’s promise do you?”

I quickly shot up from my seat on the steps. I stepped down so that I was standing on the ground. I turned around, setting my gaze on Emily.

“Of course, I do Em, I really do but…” another sigh escaped my lips as I ran my hand through my hair. I shut my eyes, as the wind blew once more.

“I can’t let anything happen to him, I don’t want to take that risk. If anything happens to him I don’t know what I’ll do. I know that Jake won’t let anything happen to me, but the feelings mutual. I can’t let anything happen to him, if something did…I just don’t know,”

I felt something wet slid down my cheek. I opened my eyes blinking a few times. I brought my hand up to my cheek, before looking at my now wet fingertips. I set my gaze upwards, as a rain droplet landed on my forehead. The droplet was followed by another, before another. Soon, the rain began to pour. I could feel my close beginning to become drenched as I stood in the rain.

I simply closed my eyes and sighed. I was glad that it was raining. As long as it rained, no one could see my tears.

“Come inside Alyssa, you’ll catch a cold,” Emily scolded, shouting over the rain.

I simply nodded as I slowly began to walk back towards the house. I stepped onto the porch, standing next to Emily. She motioned for us to go inside as she walked towards the door. I slowly followed suit, until we were inside.

As soon as I stepped foot inside, everyone grew silent. Everyone was staring at me, sending me sympathetic glances. Minus Leah, her gaze was hard and cold. Her eyes were narrowed as she glared at me.

“Were you standing out in the rain?” Jake spoke.

My gaze tore away from Leah, shifting to him. His face was filled with concern and worry. It was a look that I had seen him give me, a few times now.

I sighed as I stared at him.

I knew what I had to do.