'Oh How the Lights Are Shining'

The rest of the week continues much like the first day. Stressful. I love my job and everything, and know I’m lucky to have it, many people would love to be in my position, few of them could handle it. I’m jus’ saying…

After an in-depth discussion with Elliot and the crew about some new equipment we are ’expecting’ to get in soon, but haven’t yet, and may actually never get, I was late for lunch. Again. I see Julie, the woman that serves the food in the ‘canteen’ open the door and flip over the notice. ’Shit, it can’t be 2 yet!’ I pick up my pace, trainers hitting the floor hard. “Wait!” I calls.
I skid to a breathless halt in front of her but she just gives me a pitying sigh.

“I’m sorry, I’m closed now” she tells me, in way that also tells me she’s not really sorry at all. Infact, I’d hazard a guess she’s finding it quite amusing.

“But I was in a shoot!” I protest, my stomach rumbling. “Can’t I just quickly grab something?”

She shakes her head. “I’m afraid we can’t have one rule for you and another for everyone else, even if you are the boss’s favourite, your not mine.” and with that she back through the doors and lets it swing, nearly hitting me in the face.
My shoulders slump. I almost forgot how much she hates me. ..

“Amanda” I ask, lifting my head of the table. Its Thursday and I’m dead. The living dead wouldn’t be right, because this is not a life. Its an existence. Sorry, dramatic mood!
Every bone in my body is aching. The only thing getting me up in the mornings is Pete. If he knew half how tired I was he’d come back in a second and I want him to be able to rely on me. I need to look after myself, to prove he doesn’t need to be looking out for me constantly. I’m not proving that very well am I?

“Yes dear” she replies, flicking through an insanely full filer-fax, not really paying me much attention. Perfect.

“Um.. Have you ever considered like…pills?” I ask, biting my lip, trying to make the question sound off-hand.

“Pills?” he head snaps up and she’s frowning. “Why would I?”

“I dunno. Its just…well you a business woman, your busier than me! Do you every think that… you don’t have time to eat?” It’s not that I’m worried about my weight. Honest. I just, I keep missing lunch. Like, I never have time for it, its just pointless.

She sighs and sets down her filer-fax. “Kitty kitty kitty” she shakes her head. “Do you want to have a chat?”

I feel my cheeks burning deep red. “No” I stutter quickly, collecting up my blank t-shirt templates. “Sorry, I’m just tired. Ignore me”Please please just ignore me!

“Well” she now hit’s the filer-fax on the table, straightening the paper, making me jump. “Just remember: ‘I’m here for you’. We all are. And I know Elliot likes to act tough, but he’s a sweetie really.”

Embarrassed doesn’t describe how I feel right now. “Okay. Thanks. Bye” I say quickly, almost running out the room. Well, that went well, not!

Folding the blank templates into my messenger bag, I stroll down the corridor and find Elliot to talk press etc.

When I get home, I have a message from Ant on my answering machine. Some-what surprised, I listen to it.

‘Kitty! ‘Ello mate! Well, turns out I’m in town, and no one else is. I don’t want to make you feel like my last resort…but you are. Hahaha, kidding. But seriously ,what are you up to this Friday? I need plans! And everyone’s busy so lets pretend like we miss each other and meet up? Peace!’

Haha; Ant. He can always put a smile on my face. Ant turned out to be from San Francisco. I’m not sure how, but during the tour we some how became friends, without even realizing. Literally, last day, I was just briefly saying goodbye ,when I realized how sad I was about leaving him! That’s what’s so good about my job. Getting to meet so many new people. You see; Ant is not the sort of person I would consciously choose as a friend. Black hair, lip piercing, death metal fan, drinks way to much beer and has a tendency to smell a bit! Well anyway, somehow, we became friends and in the end, I got him to reluctantly give me his number so we could stay in contact. Sounds like he’s not regretting it!

I’m ring back and am about to tell him I’m staying in due to chronic fatigue (what? I must be nearing that stage?) when I remember Travis and his proposal. Well, I do need a plus one…

I toy with the urge to just lay in bed all weekend, missing Gabe and feeling sorry for myself ,and weigh it out with the option of seeing a gig in town, maybe having a drink, forgetting my worries, and hanging out with Ant, which is always effortless.
Luckily, I get voice mail. I leave him a message telling him to meet me in the pub around the block from the venue for a drink before hand. I tell him don’t be late, and hang up.

Laying out on my bed, stretching my arms up above my head and pointing my toes downwards. The blinds are still open but its dark outside.
Closing my eyes, my mind wanders to the place it always goes. Gabe. Its like he’s painted on the back of my eyelids.
We’ve been texting each other at every opportunity we get, which, isn’t as often as I’d like.

’I miss you xx I text him, before pulling my quilt across my body and settling down for the night. It’s only 9:30 but I have to be up 6am for work tomorrow so I may as well go to sleep. I’m definitely tired enough.