'Oh How the Lights Are Shining'

Amanda’s eyes squint slightly, as if she’s trying to see something in my designs that clearly is not there. Her brows pull together and her nose wrinkles ever-so-slightly. She then proceeds to do the thing I knew she would: lie.

“Well, I mean…these are alright aren’t they” her voice is strained and she gives me a questioning smile over the papers.

I roll my eyes. “they’re shit.”

“Not…shit Kitty.”

“Yes they are so don’t try and make me feel better.” I grumble, trying to decide whether to snatch them off her and leave. I shouldn’t be getting annoyed, she’s being nice. And I’ve let her down.

“This ones…nice” she holds out a shirt with a bird carrying a banner I’d sketched earlier this morning. “Its just… well Kitty; its not what I asked for. I said romantic designs! Something beautiful and amorous!”

“I know. I just…couldn’t do it.”

“Yes you can! I’ve seen you do it before!”

“Yeah, your totally not getting why I couldn’t do it” I sigh, pushing my hair out of my eyes. I can feel my cheeks burning a bit with embarrassment. I can’t explain it to her, I just am not in the mood for drawing pretty, lovey-dovey images, when my love-life has gone to shit. The sight of a heart makes me feel like mines breaking.

“Well what do you want me to say dear?”

She’s probably not telling me what she really thinks because she’s scared I have a drug problem after bringing up pills the other day…
“Are you disappointed?”

She smiles warmly. “No. Not disappointed. A little surprised. A little worried. You usually take your designs so seriously?”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just…not in the right place at the moment.”

“Is it a boy?” she asks.

“No!” I reply, way to quickly. I then try and laugh it off awkwardly. “Maybe Jacob (the intern with a flare for t-shirt designs) could do these images for me?”

She nods and I take the opportunity to leave quickly. After lunch I find a ton of paperwork that Pete would usually do, left for me. I hate having to file things. It gives me a headache and I have to keep starting the alphabet from A when trying to chronologically order my documents! It takes me forever.
As I’m leaving, I bump into Elliot who reminds tells me he’ll pick me up from my place at seven. It suddenly sinks in how awkward this could get! Me, and him. Alone. I mean ,we work together, but can you imagine going out with your employer? Especially if he’s only a few years older than you!

I un-lock my apartment and am surprised by a huge hug from Alex and Ant.

“Hey Mum!!” they yell happily.

“Um, hi guys” I laugh, my first real smile of the day breaking. At 6 o’clock. How sad is that!

“So, what are we up to tonight?” Alex smiles at me. Ant looks at me eagerly too and I suddenly realise what it would be like to have kids…Haha.

“Well I have work” I laugh, dropping my bag down and wondering if I have time for a some food before Elliot drops round.

“Work? No way! I wont let you go! Friday nights are about fun!” Alex complains.

“Well…it kind of is fun?” I shrug. “I’m going to see Set Your Goals with one of my bosses.”

“You call that work!” Ant exclaims, jaw dropping.

“I…is it a date?” Alex frowns, his fringe falling into his eyes.

“No! Haha. God no!” my cheeks flush hard.

“Right; well we’re coming then!” he declares and they both cheer and I try and protest that they may not be welcome but they just ignore me and go and get ready, so I do the same.

I was right: Elliot is less than happy when Alex and Ant come along for the right, but luckily doesn’t put up too much of a fight. Just directs some: ‘remember this is work’ comments my way.

When we get to the venue, we are greeted by Matt Wilson, one of the singers.

“You must be Elliot and…Katie?” he says, holding out a hand for each of us to shake.

“Kitty” I blush. I may not know many bands, but I know Set Your Goals!

“Kitty! Oh I’m so sorry. What a pretty name! Haha. And Alex what the hell are you doing here!”

“Okay, so, for this song we usually have Ms Williams join us” Jordan announces to the audience. “Sadly, she’s not here at the moment, but a little birdie told me that we have another voice in the room.

The next thing I know, Matt’s hands around my wrist ,pulling me out onstage, and Alex is behind me, laugh and nodding. I mic is thrust in my hand and I realise who he means…
Staggering around someone’s house early the next morning, Alex, Ant, all of Set Your Goals, tag-along’s and a lot of booze, I notice my phone is ringing.

“Are we gonna party all night or what!” someone yells.

I laugh. “Hell yes!” I call, punching my fist in the air and pulling my phone out of my pocket, my cheeks hurting from smiling.

Gabe is flashing across my screen. For a second, I’m not sure if I want to answer…