Tied Up In Knots

“Oh Lyd. You have to bring this.” I lunged at Duncan and swiped the flesh colored dildo from his hands, a gift from my soon to be ex. He had a knack of supplying us with toys to keep our sex life “inspired.”  I was incredibly  embarrassed that Duncan would find something like that and I may have hid under the bed to avoid facing him, expect I was also amused that he’d tease me over something like a penis shaped vibrator. He wasn’t really the teasing kind of guy, and I liked this side of him. “What’s with the pink cheeks baby? You don't have anything to be embarrassed about,” he asked. “I was thinking we could put that to good use.”
 
“I was hoping I wouldn’t need it now that I’m moving in with you.”
 
“Ah, I see.” We stood in the middle of my bedroom packing the important things to take back to Duncan’s. He scooped me into his arms and held me tightly against him. “But there’s still those long road trips. I don’t want you getting lonely while I’m away.”
 
I laid my head against his hard chest. “So if that takes care of me, what about you?” The whole conversation was in good fun, sweet and teasing, but as soon as I said those words, as soon as I processed what I had said just said, I felt the stabbing pain in my heart again.
 
Duncan must have felt my shudder, the remnants of the pain left by Patrick and what he’d done on a road trip. He placed a finger under my chin and tilted my head so our eyes met. “I’m not him Lyd. I’m never going to do that to you. I’m going to take care of you. I’m never going to hurt you and I’ll never let him hurt you again.”
 
The tears had already started welling in my eyes. “I don’t want to hurt anymore Duncan.” I didn’t want to hurt anymore. I didn’t want to still be in love with Patrick. I didn’t want to feel so devastated every time I heard his name or saw his face.
 
“I promise, I’ll make it all better for you.” Duncan brought his lips down softly on mine and kissed me till my tears were dried up and all I felt was the warmth and love of the man that held me. He was such an incredible man. There were no games or guessing when it came to Duncan, what you saw was what you got, and I needed that. I needed him.

We packed for a few hours, only the important stuff because he didn't want me pushing myself after the attack. He insisted on hiring someone to come in and pack my things and move them to his place.I tried to object to spending the money, but he laughed and said, "Look at all the money I saved not dating you. Since we skipped that and got right to the good stuff, I have all that money just sitting around. I can't think of a better way to use it." Moving in with Duncan was a good decision. Over time I truly believed he could become my everything.

We got quiet and intent on finishing up, but Duncan broke the silence. “There’s something I want to ask you Lyd. You really don’t have to do it, but I wanted to ask anyway.”
 
Duncan had never asked me for anything. “What is it Duncan?” I asked.
 
He ran his fingers through his hair and I smiled at him because he seemed a bit nervous. “I really don’t want you to think this is a big deal.”
 
I looped my arms around his neck, and kissed him softly. “Ok I got that. Lay it on me.”
 
“Every year one of the guys throws a big Halloween party for the team. I was just thinking…” He trailed off so I finished for him.
 
“You were thinking maybe we could host it?” I confess I was a bit afraid of his answer.
 
He picked up where I left off. “You can say no. I just thought since you’re moving in….I just really want people to see us together. I don’t want to hide anymore because you were Patrick’s wife.”
 
Although the idea of facing the Chicago Blackhawks and their significant others on the arm of Patrick’s teammate made me tremble with fear, Duncan had given me so much and I understood why he’d want to have the party. I spent just a moment reminding myself that it was me and Duncan now. I couldn’t allow Patrick to play a role in our lives any longer. He must have sensed my hesitation, because he added, “I think you should invite your friends too. Invite Claire and your friends from the office.”
 
Somehow the thought of Claire being there made it seem like something I could handle. “Let’s do it Duncan,” I replied with enthusiasm. Ok maybe it was forced enthusiasm, but I wanted to do this for Duncan.
 
“Really?” he asked with the wild excitement of a six year old. I nodded and he kissed me so hard I lost my breath. A happy Duncan is a very good thing.
 
**** Duncan's POV
 
Living together was even better than I expected it to be, waking up next to her every morning, knowing for certain she was coming home to me each time she left. I could never get enough of Lydia. I wanted and needed her so much that I scared myself sometimes. I'd never felt like that about another living soul. But there we were, my stuff becoming her stuff, my place becoming her place. All I wanted is for what we had to be real, for our relationship to be legit and not just about sex, even though it started that way. I'd never complain about the sex, the things she did to me, the way she moved on top of me, the dirty things she'd say. Her wild inhibition shook me to my core, brought me to my knees and made me weak in ways I didn't know were possible. Sex with Lydia was like a drug that I was powerless against and it continued to get better the more I gave into my addiction. While our sexual relationship was thriving, I was finally feeling like we had moved into something more meaningful. Something that could be forever.
 
Over just the course of a few days we seemed to settle into a routine and into each other. We found places for all her things, and I worked on her, insisting she call it our refrigerator, our TV, and most importantly our bed. "You're here to stay now Lydia, everything here is ours. Especially that shower! Let's go use it." She giggled like a school girl as I dragged her toward our bedroom and the the bathroom she fell in love with the first night we were together. She was relaxing, letting her guard down, sharing more of herself than she ever had before.
 
The bus for our first road trip of the season was pulling out that evening, taking us to the airport heading west. I'd already packed, expecting to spend the day with Lydia before I had to leave that evening. I'd always looked forward to road trips in the past, each new city, each new crowd like an inexplainable rush. Things were different now. I hated the idea of leaving, of leaving Lydie, but at least I'd know exactly where Patrick was at all times. When I told Lydia about my plan for the day, to keep her in bed and lavish her with sexual favors, she looked at me a bit of panic behind her eyes and explained that she had to see Patrick instead.
 
“You seriously have to do this? Fucking homework? Aren’t those damn therapy sessions enough?” I asked forcefully. I wasn’t able to hide my anger. Patrick Sharp was such a fucking weasel. He’d do whatever he had to, to get her alone, to take advantage of her, to make Lydia his again.
 
“I hate this as much as you do Duncan. When I objected to this little exercise, the therapist told me she’d prolong the sessions until I was able to fit the homework in. The last thing I want is for this to drag out any longer than it already has to.”
 
I instantly felt bad for giving her a hard time. “I’m sorry baby. This isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault.” I ran both hands through my hair. I knew she dreaded seeing Patrick, but he still had a hold on her that I couldn’t break and I just needed him to be out of her life, not tucked away doing couple exercises together. She wrapped her arms around me from behind and let her hands wander my bare chest. The way she stroked me soothed me, made me happy just to have her there at that moment, and it made me think of that time I noticed her do it to Patrick in the locker room. When he’d been miserable after a loss, she'd been able to calm him with just her touch. How I envied him that day. That was the day I knew if I ever got a shot with Lydia I'd take it, and if I ever actually got her to want me, I'd never let her go. The thought made me smile…Lydia was mine now.
 
“I’m sorry too," she whispered softly. "That isn’t how I want to spend my day. You feel so good. I’d much rather be here with you.” I knew her head believed that. I think her body was starting to agree, but it was her heart that was still my challenge.
 
I turned and scooped her up in my arms. “We still have the morning!” She squirmed in my arms as I nibbled her neck playfully then tossed her on the bed. “How about we see how loud I can make you scream.” She was a very willing participant in my game, and if I was giving her up to Patrick for the afternoon I was going to make sure she ached in all the right places from me.
 
**** Patrick’s POV

 What was wrong with talking at home, in our home? I had no idea. She insisted that we do it in a public place. It sounded more like Duncan then it did Lydie. Still I gave in, at least I was getting an opportunity to give her my side of the story. I never thought it was important before. I cheated, at least I think I did, and I was willing to take my punishment like a man, but when that punishment meant losing Lydia forever, well I wasn't about to let go without a fight.

I'd agreed to her terms, but I'd waited outside Duncan's apartment for 20 minutes, trying to reach her on her cell. I can't deny I was frustrated. I found myself standing on the other side of his door running my hands through my hair that had gotten a bit too long, building up the strength to knock. The opening of the door would reveal, my wife living in another man's apartment, and it was a struggle to lift my arm.

"I figured you'd be up here sooner or later." Duncan said as he opened the door.

"Hello to you too Duncan. Where is Lydie?" I snapped.

"She's just getting out of the shower. We've had a busy morning." Duncan stood there in nothing but a pair of sweats. Between his lack of clothes and the smirk on his face his implication was clear. All I could think of was knocking that smirk down his throat with my fist.
 
I was about to lay into him, at least verbally, "You slimy son of a …"

"Patrick?" I heard cutting me off mid sentence. "Why didn't you just call me? I would have come down stairs." She was buttoning the top button of her shirt and her hair was still wet, and Duncan's smile went wider.

"I did call." My tone was angry, and Duncan knew exactly why.

She moved across the room and picked up her iphone. "That's weird the ringer was off." She didn't see he'd done it. She didn't notice the look on his face. He planned the little encounter. He was ready for battle and the prize was my wife. It's not as though I had the choice, I had everything to lose and if it was a fight he wanted, he'd get it!

Lydia quickly left the room to finish getting ready, leaving Duncan and I alone again. I paced the living room looking everything up and down. Lydia may have lived in that apartment, but there was no sign of her. The whole place was cold, and I don't mean the temperature. Everything about Lydia screamed warmth, from the way she decorated a home to the fleshy curves that I loved grabbing on to as we made love. There was no sign of her in this clinical operating room of an apartment, and that meant one thing. Her heart wasn't in it. Not yet anyway.

Duncan's eyes followed me as I made my way across the room. He didn't say anything, but it was as if he was trying to read my mind. He wanted to know how affected I was by Lydia's moving in. He wanted me to give up. There wasn't a chance in hell that was going to happen.

"Nice stunt you pulled. You got me here. What was the point?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

As if his mind didn't move as fast as it should, he paused and looked at me before he spoke. "She's here now. She's mine. You lost her. Now you need to stay the fuck out of our lives." Flames burned behind his eyes, to say he was pissed off was putting it very lightly.

"Yeah, you so sure about that Duncan? Are you sure she's all yours? It seems to me if you were confident you wouldn't need to play these little games, like turning her cell phone off to make sure I came up here. Implying that you had sex all morning and that's why she's running late."

"I don't need to imply anything. We had sex. All morning. Mind blowing, kinky off the charts wild sex."

I cringed at his admission. I never expected him to come right out and say it, but it showed how volatile he was. He wasn't confident about his relationship with Lyd…and that was good news for me. "Must not have been enough for her then, cuz you're clearly not confident that she isn't interested in me. You think something could happen between us or you wouldn't care about any of this."

I hit a cord with him and he shook as he spoke. "I swear to God if you so much as touch her I will break every bone in your slimy little body."

"What if she touches me Duncan? What if she wants me? Then what?"

He didn't have a chance to answer, but the phrase "if looks could kill" took on new meaning. I watched my wife enter the room and walk over to Duncan Keith. She gave him a soft kiss on the lips, that in itself made me cringe, but then he pulled her into him and kissed her hard on the mouth, keeping one eye open and on me. I may have under estimated Duncan, but I was finding chinks in his armor, and I'd use them if I needed to.

 ****

She gave me a dirty look when she saw the mustang. I'm not going to lie. I knew what that car meant to her, to us, but it was a beautiful day for October, and perfect to have the top down. I smiled when she didn't complain, and I knew she had gone through the same thought process as me, noticing the weather and then knowing you couldn't waste a day like this in an SUV.

"When I said a public place I didn't mean here."

"What?" I asked pretending not to understand her issue and laying out a blanket. "What's wrong with Lincoln park? You have something against ducks?" I teased, trying to make light of the situation.

"Patrick, seriously? Don't even pretend you don't remember this is where you brought me on our first date."

"Oh I remember our first date Lyd," I admitted and sat down on the blanket. "I remember it like it was yesterday."

She scowled at me. "Duncan is right about you. I can't trust you Patrick, not even with something like this." She turned to walk away, but I leapt up and grabbed her. "Let go of me," she snapped and pulled away.

"Lydia. What do you want from me? Where did you want to go? Where would be a good place for me to explain how I cheated on you. How I made the biggest mistake of my life? Where would be appropriate? Some fancy French restaurant? The United Center? Come on. Cut me some slack. I was actually thinking of you. I know our marriage meant something to you. I saw how you reacted during therapy. I know you wanted to do this in a public place, but I also thought you might want a little privacy. Give me just a little credit." My speech worked and while she didn't say it, she looked apologetic and took a seat on the blanket.

Telling Lydia about that night, about the details, was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. I drove her to tears with the truth, a truth that I hated. She didn't ask questions, just let me tell my story. She pulled her knees into her chest and sobbed and I felt as though I was dying inside for what I was putting her through. For the first time I was doubting our therapist. This whole thing, while it originally felt like a good idea, a way for me to get Lydia alone to talk, it was not. It was a horrible idea. I rubbed her back softly regretting not just lying that we'd done our homework and skipping the whole exercise, but then she leaned into me and let me hold her. It was only for a moment, that I was able to hold her in my arms again, but it was a moment that would drive me to continue trying to hold my marriage together.

Lydia was worth fighting for.
 
After coming completely clean and, I have to confess, shedding tears from both of us, we just sat on the blanket in the middle of the park and talked. Not about us or about her and Duncan, just about things, whatever came to mind. It reminded me of talks we had while we were dating, of the days when I wanted to get into her head so badly to find out what made her tick. I was simply thrilled that she didn't jump off the blanket and head toward the car the second our "homework" was complete. We talked about the ducks and the squirrels and the other couples that walked by. We talked about the hockey season and the nerves I always felt during the first game every year. Before I realized the time, it was started to get dark. No doubt about it I was going to be late.

Poor Lydia apologized over and over again for making me late, and I just shrugged it off, taking half the blame. I wanted to tell her that I'd gladly fly commercial to catch up with the team if it meant that I'd get to spend more time with her, alone time, time where I didn't feel her hating me.

When I finally made it to the UC twenty five minutes late, the bus was just getting ready to pull out. I stowed my bag and walked back to take my usual seat next to Adam.

"It's a damn good thing you showed up here Sharpie. I thought Duncan was going to legit kill you if you didn't."

I turned around to catch Duncan's eyes staring daggers into me. "She's my wife Adam," I said turning back in my seat. "I'll do what ever it takes to keep her including missing the team bus."