Tied Up In Knots

 

In the distance I could hear my cell phone ring, but I didn’t want to move. Duncan was holding me tightly to him, my face and body were pressed against his bare chest. There was something about being in his arms that made me feel safe and comfortable a feeling I hadn't had in some time. The phone continued to ring and I turned in Duncan’s arms to look around the room and maybe locate my phone. Moving wasn’t as trivial as I expected it to be. My body ached from the waist down, and I smiled to myself recalling the events of the prior evening.  “Don’t get it. Stay here with me,” he said groggily
 
“I promise to come back; I just want to see who it is.” He released me, albeit reluctantly, and I made my way to the dresser retrieving the phone just as it stopped ringing. I shuddered a bit as I saw the call that I missed, tossed it on the night stand and crawled back into the warmth of my bed and Duncan’s arms, resuming my position. He kissed me sweetly, then looked down into my eyes. “Now you’re tense. What’s up?”
 
“It was Patrick,” I stated matter-of-factly.
 
Duncan groaned quietly. “Do you need to call him back?”
 
“I don’t need to nor do I want to.” It must have been the right answer because Duncan nuzzled into my neck and started kissing it softly. “So today is convention day,” I said more than asked.
 
“Mmhmm.” He was quiet for a moment, and I expected that the conversation was over, but silence with Duncan was not the best indicator. “I’m sorry I’m asking you this last minute, but do you want to come?”
 
I was taken back by the offer. I briefly recalled the invitation I had been given the year before, I planned to attend as Patrick’s new wife until Andrew Ladd’s wife talked me out of it, describing how horrible the fan girls could be.“Um, thanks for the offer, but I don’t think so.”
 
It was his turn to tense up. He was silent for a moment before he asked the question he must have been mulling around in his head. “Is it because of Patrick?”
 
I leaned up and kissed him a deep passionate kiss trying to send him a message without saying the words. I pulled away from the kiss and his eyes were still closed. I bit my lip at how truly good looking he was, and then his soft blue eyes opened and I almost got lost in them. He looked at me like I was the most amazing creature in the universe. I took a deep breath. “Not exactly, I’m just not looking forward to the first time I’m with your teammates. I know it will happen eventually, but I was hoping to do it more gradually. Plus all the fan girls. I think it’s best if I sit this one out.”
 
“Ok I get that. But you know I’m not one of the guys with the fan girls right? I mean they’re all caught up in Tazer and Kaner, even your ex.”
 
“Oh I don’t know about that. Do you have any idea how attractive you are Duncan Keith?” He knitted his eyebrows together and looked down at me. “Mmm, you really don’t know do you?”  His face held a look of disbelief. His humility took my breath away and my heart fluttered shooting butterflies through me, maybe for the first time ever with a man that wasn’t my husband. I stretched my leg over his straddling his waste. Duncan was the polar opposite of Patrick, who knew exactly how attractive he was and used it to his advantage at every opportunity, especially against me. “The fact that you don’t know how good looking you are makes you even sexier," I confessed smirking down at him. I took in his sculpted chest and broad shoulders, his baby blue eyes and his longish sex hair. He was the whole package, looks, body, brains, his strong silent demeanor.  I couldn’t help smirking at him.
 
He said nothing, which wasn't a surprise, but I noticed a certain sparkle in his eyes that I rather liked. He sat up pressing his bare chest to my own, while I continued straddling his lap. His lips were an inch from mine when he said, "I'm glad you approve," and his lips hit mine so hard, my head was spinning as his tongue and teeth ravaged my mouth not even giving me a chance to kiss back. His hand anchored the base of my neck so my head fell back against it giving him free reign to nibble and suck with out risk of my escape. Not that I wanted escape, that was the last thing I wanted. And that's when my phone rang again. We did our best to ignore it, our hands starting to roam, then his lips moved down to my collar bone but the phone rang again. To my dismay, Duncan stopped his assault on me. He didn't look mad, but his face was strewn with disappointment. I shared the sentiment, but ever the gentleman, he took the high road. "I gotta get over to the convention center anyway. Go ahead and answer it." I pouted, and he kissed me right on my little pout. "There's always tonight Lydie." He replied, and made his way to my bathroom while I picked up my ringing phone.
 
It was Patrick again. I answered it, only out of fear that something terrible had happened, "What do you want Patrick?" I huffed at his god awful timing.
 
"Good morning baby," he replied sweetly, and I rolled my eyes at his use of the word 'baby'.
 
"Is something wrong? You've been calling all morning."
 
"Not all morning, just three times, that's it. Isn't there some rule about not calling more than three times? I think I'm safe"
 
"What do you want Patrick?"
 
"I have some stuff here and I'm not sure if it's yours or mine, I thought you might want to come over and look through it."
 
"Just keep it Patrick, I'm sure I don't need it." I was sure he couldn't have anything in his possession that was worth putting myself through an actual visit with him.
 
"I don't know there's some stuff in here that I think might be your mom's. I was hoping you'd come over and take a look at it."
 
Nothing in the world would make me step foot back in that house, our house, the one Patrick and I bought together, furnished and lived in together, the house that I wanted to raises children in and live in happily ever after, nothing except my mom. My mom happened to be my weakness. She died when I was seven from complications from a routine appendectomy. I didn't even know she was having surgery, my parents didn't feel it necessary to burden their seven year old daughter with something so routine, like it was a teeth cleaning or something. I got off the bus from second grade at holy trinity, and there were cars parked up and down the street and cramming the driveway. I entered our house and there were people crying everywhere, my aunts, cousins, grandma. I felt my heart drop without even knowing what had happened, and as I walked through the living room it was like the parting of the red see as the adults moved aside to let me make my way. Grandma approached me first and gave me a big hug, tears brimming her eyes. "Let's take you to see Daddy," she said. I found it a bit odd that Daddy would even be home at 3PM on a Wednesday, but I didn't ask any questions, just followed her to my Dad's study, where he sat alone with his head in his hands. That's where I heard the news that changed my life. I remember sinking down into my father's lap while he rubbed my long black hair. He didn't have the words to sooth me, so we just cried into each other. A seven year old doesn't know how to grieve, so I dealt somehow and went about my life. Having never really grieved, my mother became my weakness, and even the mention that I might have left something that belonged to her made me cringe. "What did I leave?"
 
"Well you're videos are here."
 
The home movies, of my family from before my mom died. How could I have left those? I had no choice, and I wasn't going to ask to have him bring them to me, last thing I needed was to owe him a favor. "I still have a key, maybe I can just take the L over after work."
 
"Well the convention is today. Burs is coming over after, I'm sure he wouldn't mind picking you up to bring you out. Then you can take the mini home. You're going to need it sooner or later. I'd offer to come get you, but I thought you might want time with Adam, you haven't seen him very much." I wasn't sure if it was possible that Patrick could be that selfless, that he was really thinking of how much I missed Adam. It didn't matter I supposed, and I agreed hoping I could get out of my previous place of residence without some sort of break down.
 
I sat on my bed, conflicted, the usual state of affairs when I was subjected to my husband. I heard the water turn on for the shower, and recalled my night with the man currently inhabiting my bathroom. Everything he said was perfect, the way he touched me was perfect. Duncan was perfect, and for maybe the first time, I was able to squelch my Patrick issues in favor of the delectable man that always seemed to be there for me.
 
I slid from the comfort of my bed and made my way to the bathroom door. I wondered briefly if the door would be locked, and whether it was or not, if it would be some sort of sign. I reached for the knob and turned it easily with a smile; if it were a sign then it was a good one. I'd done the best I could with the grimy little bathroom, filling it with soft plush rugs and pretty pictures. My effort helped but couldn't hide the tiny size or the listless slightly dingy tile or the stains that years of use had left on the porcelain tub. I felt slightly embarrassed, and wished we were at Duncan's place with his gigantic elaborate bathroom complete with a monstrous glass tile shower that sported multiple waterfall heads and a soaking tub made for two. This was my life now and I had to make the best of it.
 
I slowly pulled back the shower curtain I'd chosen from the Pottery Barn catalog, another attempt at beatifying the dingy room. All thoughts of the inadequacy of my apartment vanished when I laid eyes on Duncan. I wasn't exaggerating earlier when I told him he was attractive, he was amazing, the rips and curves of his back muscles, the dimples in the small of his back and matching ones in his butt cheeks. He was delicious, like a gourmet meal when all you've had in life was pizza. He turned and gave an incredible grin, welcoming and sweet but with aura of lust. He reached his hand out to me and helped me make the step into the tub like a gentleman from bygone days helping a lady into a carriage. Duncan rarely got carried away or rough like he had during our frantic lusty romp the night before, and while I enjoyed that immensely I was happy that my venture into the shower took us back to the meaningful, sensual,  passion I'd grown accustomed to from him. He held me under the water and watched as the water soaked my skin. He didn't hide how his eyes wandered my body, and when he was done taking me in, he pulled me into him letting the full length of our naked bodies touch creating sparks in all the right places. His kisses started slow and sensual but soon our breathing was labored as our mouth's sucked and nibbled at each other.
 
He made me feel so good, so sexy, so beautiful. My body adored Duncan Keith and all his special abilities. Our escapade left my knees week, my thighs aching and my legs shaky. My condition didn't escape Duncan though and he wrapped me in a towel, carried me to my bed and laid me softly down with a sweet kiss on the lips. He apologized for the urgency with which he had to leave, but he needed to go home before he could head to the convention, and he took no shame in blaming me for seducing him in the shower. He left me in a haze of post orgasmic bliss and for the first time in a really long time, feeling beautiful and cared for. The sex with Duncan was incredible, so much so that I neglected to tell him what my evening plans were going to include, and maybe more importantly who they were with.
 
 ****
 
Adam wrapped me in his arms, lifted me off my feet and twirled me around, as I opened the door to one of my dearest friends. "I miss you Lydia. "
 
"I miss you too Adam."
 
He set me back down on my feet and held me at arm’s length. He looked me over from head to toe, my ballet flats, calf length leggings and baby doll top. It wasn't a sexual thing, more checking to make sure I was OK. "You look good Lydie, and you're smiling. I haven't seen that smile in ages."
 
"I haven't been happy in a long time Adam."
 
"Are you happy now?" he asked looking down at me with his incredible baby blues.
 
"I'm getting there."
 
He frowned a bit as he asked me, "Is that because of a certain defensemen you've been seeing?"
 
The answer was yes, a decisive no holds barred yes, but I wasn't going to discuss that with Adam, not to just have him take the information back to my husband. "Let's talk about something else," I replied and turned toward the kitchen.
 
"Whoa, whoa." He reached out and stopped me from walking away. "You don't even know what I was going to say." I looked up at him through my long eyelashes giving him approval to go ahead. "I think Duncan's a good guy Lydie. I think if he makes you happy, it makes me happy." I was shocked at his response and the expression on my face made that perfectly clear.  "Now having said that, Patrick is my best friends. I firmly believe that he is only man that is ever going to make you truly happy, the only guy that can put that sparkle back into your eyes."
 
"I'm doing Ok without him."
 
"Is that how you want to be Lyd OK? Do you want to spend your life being just fine?"
 
"If it means never feeling like this Adam. If it means never being hurt like this again, then YES. That's what I want."
 
I tried to walk away from him in an effort to hide the tears in my eyes, but he pulled me back again hugging me tightly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry he hurt you doll face. You didn't deserve that. And if he wasn't my best friend I would have been the one that hit him instead of Duncs."
 
Instead of Duncan? Instead of Duncan? What? "What do you mean instead of Duncan?"
 
"Yeah, Sharpie's still aching from that. I told him I'm jealous. I wanted to have a black eye for the convention. Nothing like giving the fans a good show."
 
I stepped out of our embrace still trying to figure it all out. "Wait, wait, back up. Duncan hit Patrick?"
 
"You didn't know?"
 
"Do I look like I know Adam?"
 
"All hell broke loose yesterday at the meeting. They exchanged words and Duncan sucker punched him. It was kind of a dirty move if you ask me, Sharpie didn't even see it coming."
 
If I was conflicted before it had all just compounded. Part of me was worried for Patrick, how could Duncan have done something like that? Sucker punched him? My heart dropped at the thought that Patrick was hurt and it was all because of me. Yet there was this other side of me that felt almost tingly that Duncan would defend me like that. That he cared enough to do that in front of everyone. "Oh my God Adam. In front of everyone?"
 
"In the middle of the locker room. Coach Q and that nasty PR Chick caught it too. Took us into the office and chewed us all out real good."
 
"Chewed who out exactly?"
 
"Sharpie, Duncs, Seabs and yours truly. I tried to tell Q it was all me, that I was the one that caused the ruckus, you know just get it all over with without all the questions. He didn't believe me though. Maybe cuz Sharpie's face had the imprint of Duncan's fist on it. I gotta tell you, he seemed most disappointed with Duncs. Told him he expected better out of him. I guess he knows the rest of us are just stupid fucks. I'm guessing the new boyfriend didn't tell you."
 
"No, he didn't tell me, and he's not my boyfriend."
 
"No, so it's just about sex with you and the d-man? That a girl Lydie, use him and abuse him." Adam had a way of making everything funny. It was part of his charm. It's why he and Patrick were so close, they fed off of each other.
 
I laughed, but still scolded him. "NO! - that's not what I meant. It's nice with Duncan. He doesn't ask for anything from me Adam. And you know what? It's perfect. It's perfect because I don't have anything left to give, not now anyway."
 
The mood grew somber, and I was relieved when Adam spoke. "Look I know you think I'm gonna go back to Sharpie and tell him everything, but you're my friend too Lydie. I want you to be happy and safe. And since we're on that subject, what's with the neighborhood? Isn't he supposed to be buying you an apartment?"
 
"Yet another subject I don't want to tackle. Let's just go Adam." I grabbed his arm and we headed out the door.
 
****
"It's so weird you know. It's not my home anymore." We were parked outside what was now Patrick's house. I'd asked Adam to give me a minute, to just wait with me while I collected myself. I wasn't crying or anything outrageous, but I needed to be in the right mindset to keep it together once I saw Patrick. Adam seemed to get it and he covered my hand with his own and gave it a squeeze. "You can do this Lydie. It's just Patrick. You've seen him naked."

I laughed. "Yep maybe that's the problem."
 
"I'm not going there with you doll face." he smiled down at me. "I'd do a lot of things for you, but talking about Sharpie naked, well I have to draw the line there." He gave me another second before he asked if I was ready. Without knocking we made our way inside. I would have knocked, but the thought never occurred to Adam.

Everything was pretty much the same.  He hadn't changed a thing, he was even still keeping his shoes by the door like I made him when I lived there. It was so hard walking back in there, I loved that house, not only because it was beautiful and large and in a great neighborhood, but because it was my home. The first place that felt like home since my mom died, a place where Patrick and I could hide out and be just us, except for the recurring interruptions from our friend Mr. Burish. It became our sanctuary, our haven. It held so many memories and  walking inside made me feel sick, hurt and sad, like maybe I was hasty to have thrown away what Patrick and I had built together. I tried to remind myself that it wasn't me that threw everything away, it was Patrick. Adam grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. "You're Ok Lyd," he whispered reassuringly.
 
"Can you keep reminding me of that? Oh, and please don't make us stay long. I'm not comfortable here."
 
"Not comfortable or too comfortable?"
 
"Either way," I smiled sheepishly.
 
"I'm in here," Patrick yelled from the kitchen and the sound of his voice gave me goosebumps.  We walked through the swinging door, Adam's hand on the center of my back providing silent support. The kitchen island held two large pizzas that smelled amazing and Patrick was bent over in the refrigerator. I closed my eyes trying not to take in the view of his ass sticking out. It was always one of his best assets.  Patrick turned and closed the frig with three beers in hand, and that's when I noticed his face. He had a huge welt that covered the right side of his face and his eye was almost swollen shut.
 
My body and my mind immediately went into wife mode. I wanted to run to him and apologize for what had happened. I wanted to have him lay his head in my lap so I could hold ice on it for him. I wanted to take care of him.  But I also didn’t want to feel any of those things, so I stood there and tried not to look at him in the face so he couldn’t see how bad his hurt, hurt me.
 
I hadn’t expected to hang out. I thought we’d stay for a few minutes so I could get my stuff into my car and then go. Being there with Patrick and Adam, hearing them joke around, having them joke with me, It was all too comfortable, too much like old times and the truth is, nothing was the same, nothing. So I drank, beer after beer.
 
“Did you see that girl on Tazer?” Adam asked as he devoured  his fifth slice of pizza. “She was probably what 15? Don’t these girls have any pride, and fucking Tazer is way too polite to push her off. Christ, even Kaner would have stood up and gotten her off of his lap. You should have seen her Lyd.”
 
Then Patrick added, “His face was all red and this kid kept running her hand all over his chest. His eyes were like saucers, and the chick’s parents just stood there and watched, as she molested him.” We all laughed at the expense of Jonny Toews. We sat around the kitchen island like we had so many times before, like three best friends laughing and telling stories. I drained my third beer and made my way to the frig for more, offering to grab one for the boys as well. I opened the large stainless steel door and was horrified. There were three or four Chinese take-out containers and beer, all kinds of beer. What happened? What happened to the fresh vegetables, the meat and the fruit. I always made sure that Patrick ate so healthy. I closed my eyes tightly reminding myself that it wasn’t my problem, that he lost the privilege of me taking care of him when he screwed that blond. I closed the frig and delivered the beer as Adam’s phone rang. He excused himself and took the call in the living room, leaving Patrick and I alone for the first times that evening.
 
The room was silent except the faint sounds of Adam’s phone call taking place elsewhere. Our eyes connected in an awkward moment that seemed to go on forever until Adam came bounding back in. “I hate to break up this little reunion, but I gotta go. Another Kaner emergency. I think he drank himself into a stupor over some cougar he met this summer. Tazer wasn’t real specific, but it sounds like he can use my help. You guys gonna be OK?” he asked pointing between the two of us.
 
My heart dropped knowing Adam was abandoning me, that I was going to be left alone with Patrick. We couldn’t even carry a conversation for the two minutes while Adam had been out of the room. What now? “I need to go to,” I said out of fear for what could happen if I was left alone with Patrick.
 
“Wait, no,” Patrick gasped out “You still have to go through your stuff. Your don’t need to leave because he’s leaving. You’re taking your car with you. Right?” I think both Adam and I were skeptical and it must have been obvious because he added, “I’ll be on my best behavior I swear.  I just know how much this stuff means to you Lyd.” I noticed the desperate tone in his voice, maybe it was the liquor in my system, but it made me feel sorry for him. No matter how I felt, he was right, I came here to go through my stuff, to find anything that was my mom’s and it didn’t make sense to leave before that happened.
 
I looked over at Adam, who asked me with his eyes if it was OK. I closed my eyes and gave him a nod, telling myself that I was a big girl and could handle this. I needed to get my video and anything he else he had that was my mothers. Adam was gone before we knew it, and the awkward silence returned until Patrick said, “Come on Lyd, let’s get you your stuff.”  We walked into the living room and I couldn’t help but notice that the house was really clean. “I’m impressed that you’ve been able to keep up with the house. It looks good.”

“Wanna know the truth?” he asked.

“I always wanted to know the truth Patrick.” If he had been truthful with me from the very beginning, I wouldn’t have been in that mess. If he hadn’t made promise after promise that he couldn’t keep telling me he didn’t need other women when all along he was just handing me some line so he’d have a clueless wife to come home to, someone to take care of him.

He ignored what I implied, electing instead to continue the conversation. “When you said you were coming I freaked a bit. I didn’t want you to see the place…well the way I’ve been living. I got Ladder and Soupy to come over after the convention. I can’t believe how much we got done in two hours, probably best if you don’t open any closet doors though.” He smiled at me, the same smile he used to get me to fall in love with him in the first place. And that smile still gave me the same reaction, it was almost chemical, like he could convince me to do anything. His green eyes were so beautiful and the bruise on his face looked so painful, and he was smiling at me like old times, amazing old times.        

“You didn’t have to do this for me. I didn’t need the Pizza either. I really just needed to get my stuff.”

He looked a little defeated, like he was hoping for a different response from me. Even after a few beers I knew better. If I gave him an inch, he’d take a mile. “The box is over here.” He lifted it from behind the couch. Sure enough right on top were my mom’s videos. I pulled them out and held them to my chest. I can’t believe I left those behind.

I started pulling other things out. First a softball glove. Patrick had bought it for me when we were dating. He, and Adam and I spent hours and hours at the park while they tried to teach me how to catch in honor of them throwing out the first pitch for the Sox that Spring. I could almost feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the laughter in my belly from continually making a fool of myself. I looked up at Patrick, who knew exactly what I was thinking. “Those were some fun times, eh?” I didn’t reply, but I didn’t hold back my smile either. Delving back into the box, I pulled out the Lladro statue we purchased in Italy on our honeymoon, a man and woman lying together, their bodies melding into each other to make one body. Tears poked the back of my eyes. I had no real affinity for the expensive Spanish porcelain as a general rule, but something about this statue took my breath away that day. It’s just how we were, it’s how we felt about each other then, like we were practically one person. “I thought you might want to have that,” Patrick said looking softly down into my eyes. He held my gaze for a moment, too long really, before I put the statue aside and moved on. Next I pulled out our wedding album, and that’s when it hit me. He’d filled the box with memories, memories from our life together, ones he knew would affect me.

“I see what’s going on here.” I threw the glove and the album back into the box. I couldn’t bring myself to be so rough with the Lladro, and I placed it on top. “Give it all away Patrick. All of it. If you don’t want the pictures, throw them out.”

“Lydie,” he pleaded.

I grabbed up the tapes and headed toward the garage, to my car, and an escape from Patrick and my emotions. Before I reached the door knob he  grabbed my arm preventing me from leaving. “Patrick!” I snapped.

“I’m not letting you go.”

He caught me off guard. “You can’t stop me!” I snapped back.

“Lydie, you’ve been drinking. I’m not just going to let you drive home.”

I huffed at him. “You let Adam leave.”

“Adam weighs twice as much as you. You had four beers. Sit down for awhile and we’ll watch TV.” I looked at him skeptically knowing he was right, but not wanting him to be. “Come on.” He lead me to the couch where he sat down with me, but kept a respectable distance between us. “How about Bones?”

“Fine,” I replied coldly folding my arms over my chest, despite that he was making an effort to watch a show that I liked, something he wasn’t so gracious about when we were together. I felt like a teenager being told she couldn’t attend a party, and decided to sulk just like one.
“It’s just for a bit Lyd. Unless you want me to drive you home.”

“No!” I had no intention of going home anyway. I wanted to go to Duncan’s. I hadn’t seen him all day, never even told him where I’d be. But the last thing I needed was for Patrick to take me there.

We watched TV for awhile until Patrick began making idle chit-chat. “Remember that Christmas episode, about the Santa? It gave you nightmares for weeks.” I nodded, sure I remembered David Boreanaz bending over the gooey skeleton in a Santa suit, and how that terrified me for some reason. I remembered how Patrick would wake me and hold me and kiss my forehead until I fell back to sleep, telling me it was just a dream.  “Why do you watch this show if it creeps you out so much? It's David Boreanaz isn't it?” He teased and lightened the mood. “I could have introduced you to him you know. He’s a big flyers fan. I’d met him a couple times when I was in Philly.”

“I guess you still could.” I replied relaxing a bit.

“I should tell you up front, he’s married and has kids.”

“Don’t all famous people fuck around?” I asked and he looked wounded, like I stabbed him in the heart.

He scooted closer to me on the couch, “Lydie, I know none of this makes any difference, but it was one time.”

“Your right it doesn’t make any difference.” I could feel myself retreating inside myself. This wasn’t why I was here.

His eyes turned down and he was quiet, while I pretended to be watching the show that danced on the large flat screen that hung on the wall. He hadn’t moved away from me, he sat too close for me to be comfortable. Sure I pretended to engrossed in the show, but he was close, close enough that I could smell him. It was clean and manly, the italian cologne I loved so much. I wondered if he wore it because he knew I was coming or if he always wore it, an old habit he hadn’t yet broken. My instincts had me wanting to snuggle into him to let him hold me. That couldn’t happen. I couldn’t touch him. He couldn’t touch me.

When he spoke again, his eyes looked sad. Sad like I never saw them before. “This is it Lydie. Tomorrow’s the day.” He hesitated clearing the lump in his throat and tears welled in my eyes watching him struggle. “I need you to know, to understand that it only happened once. I know it doesn’t make it ok or even forgivable. Fuck, I don’t even know if you’ll believe me, but I loved you Lyd. I do love you, and our life together wasn’t some joke. From the first time we were together you were the only woman I wanted to be with. You still are.” He put his head in his hands and tears ran down my cheeks.

And then I did it, the one thing I knew I couldn’t do. The one thing that would break me. I touched him. I reached out to him, and like some force of nature that I couldn’t comprehend or control I was in his arms. I don’t remember moving and I don’t remember him coming toward me, but there I was looking up into those sad green eyes wanting to make it all better. His lips met mine and the surge of electricity shot through my body. I didn’t try to fight it; it just felt bigger than me, then us. Our mouths opened and closed with the other’s rhythm and I felt so loved and so in love like nothing ever happened. He was my other half, my soul mate, he’d love me forever.

It was amazing, the kiss was amazing, he was amazing, everything was good, but it was fleeting. And in moments I realized the mistake I’d made. I jumped away from him and to my feet. “Don’t go Lydie. Please. I’ll do anything. Anything to make it up to you.” He meant it, I knew he meant it and my tears were back.

“I…I…” I backed away from him. “I just can’t.”

“Lydia!” He yelled at me as I barreled through the door to the garage. He didn’t come after me. Thank God he didn’t follow me.  The keys were still in the car, like he always left it. The garage door opened and I drove. Drove and Drove, before I realized…

Duncan..I needed to get back to Duncan.