Bitterness

My name is Joshua.

My brother Douglas died last week, along with the entire high school. He was blamed by the authorities as a mass murderer that shot everyone and everything in there, but to kill 700 people without being stopped is still a bit unreal, even when the authorities say he was armed with grenades and an AK-47. Of course, this led to rumors that my family had illegal weapons inside the house.

The whole world is in shock, saying that nothing like this has ever happened before, but the authorities didn’t explain to our family what exactly happened. My mom asked them countless times where did Douglas get all the grenades and the rifle, but they only said that the investigation was under way. They searched the house looking for something that could relate to the murder, but they never explained to us why they took the things they found. I think there is something wrong here, because they always tell the media what they found, so that they can blame Doom, Marilyn Manson, or Rammstein. Journalists love this shit, it pumps up their blood.

I need to find out exactly what happened. My little brother’s name has to be cleaned, so does my family’s. The school is heavily secured by police agents and elite squads of vigilance, but there’s another way in. I used to go to that school, so I know a secret passage from behind they probably don’t know about. It’s worth a shot. I went to look for something that the policemen didn’t take away in Douglas’ bedroom, and I found a torn page with this:

Spirituality. Clearing up the noise in one's ego brought about by the indoctrination and different forced rules and conditioning that's happened throughout history. The Christian crusades are one good example. They would throw you in jail if you didn't believe their way and how they'd say that God separates good from bad. All this weird, scary stuff and they would enforce it but that's not really how things are. Things are different than that. Things are whatever you make of them. God, or the cosmic mind, or the universe, is just the pure potential of creating all things imagined. There is no good and bad. It's just all part of this rhythm of life. So when you having people talking about good and bad and putting so much power on it and even saying that their God does that, then it starts getting people to judge and it starts to get that part of the ego going where we're judging and separating stuff, basically programming us just like the allegory of the cave, where we have these heads of different institutions taking their turns sharing a pack of lies with us. Sharing the shadows and shells of reality but not really letting us have our own pure "experience". They're kind of putting their little guidelines and their filters in there. But basically we all are the same in spirit. We ARE God. We ARE pure potential. It's just that we also are ego and the physical body and we have this mind we have all this stuff and the mind is capable of creating the most beautiful manifestations through the imagination but when you get beliefs thrown in there that are backed up by authoritarians throwing around the convictions and we start to think that maybe that's the way it's supposed to be, because we start as innocent children and when we get trained to think some way, these beliefs and paradigms can really limit us because it's really up to us to decide what things mean. That's part of our freedom, but when we're programmed, we're slaves. Basically, it's really hard for us to manifest things and to allow the full flow of the spirit to manifest in our lives when we're so blocked and bogged down by all this crazy programming. The drawing below is a vision--a pagan's vision--of the goddess, which is just an alternate way of looking at things, like how the Christians have a vision of the Virgin Mary or Jesus but Lilith, or whatever name you want to give her-I also call her Amah-Ushumgal. It's a side of ourselves that says "I'm here and there's freedom and bliss here" but you won't be able to find it when you look through all those crazy programs that you're running that are picked up from insane institutions. It's all about spirituality about finding one's self because one's self is all things.

So, was my brother into some weird stuff? Our family is devoted to Christianity, and apparently he wrote this 2 years ago… Maybe this stuff leads into occult and obscure shit. Either way, I have to clean my brother’s name.