If I stay

When I was little, I thought I knew everything. I knew the names of all the colors. I knew how to spell my name. I knew my address. I knew that my parents would always be home, always be there when I needed them. I knew that, should I ever be in trouble, I would have back up, people there to protect me and guide me. I knew that I would always have people who loved me. That, in my naive mind, constituted everything. It was all I needed to know aside from the customary ‘never take candy from strangers’. Khrysty and Ashlynn would never have that security. They wouldn’t have the stability of a real home. They wouldn’t know what it was like to have parents be there for you when you couldn’t trust anyone else. Khrysty would need that support more then ever now and she would only have me.
Ash was too young to really understand what was going on. I don’t even think she knew the word ‘death’. But Khrysty knew. Khrysty understood. Khrysty, at eleven years old, had to deal with the death of her parents. It was something that would haunt the all of us for the rest of our lives. It would impact us in ways I couldn’t even imagine. It would change us. And that was what scared me the most.
We had a good dynamic going. I mothered my sisters. I was their best friend. They were mine. Khrysty had friends. She had lots of them. But whenever she had a problem or something she needed, a secret she couldn’t tell anyone else, Khrysty came to me. And that was exactly how I wanted it. I just lost my parents and now, whether they knew it or not, I relied on my sisters even more.
“Lilah?” I looked down at Ashlynn as my youngest sister poked my cheek, her eyes wide and red from crying.
“Yeah, baby?” I asked her, grabbing her hand from my face and planting a soft kiss on her chubby fingers.
“Where momma go? Where daddy?” Ever since I had accepted the news of my parents’ death, I had been waiting for this question. I knew that sooner or later, Ash would want to know just what was so special that her mommy and daddy couldn’t be there for her anymore.
“They went to heaven, Rosie. They went to heaven.” Tears coursed down my cheeks as I whispered into her soft golden hair.
“Why I not go to heaben, Lilah? Why I not go wid dem?” This question, I was not prepared for. Salt water rushed from my eyes, creating trails of remorse down my already soggy face as my body shook with the force of my sobs.
“Because, Rose, you’re better off down here.” I turned and looked at Khrysty in gratitude.
“Yeah, baby. You’re better off down here.”

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

Five days ago, my parents were killed. Two days ago, my sister woke up from her coma. Yesterday, she discovered that she couldn’t move her legs. Today, my sisters and I were being shipped from our spot in the hospital to the orphanage that would become our home.
A lot had happened in five days but, as Khrysty and I could tell you, it seemed like so much longer. The hours after I had been given the news were the longest of my life. They stretched on and on like a boring novel you are forced to read for school that should, in reality, be a quick read but ends up taking hours and hours to comprehend. The days had seemed like weeks and the nights had been even longer.
Over the past few days, our house had been packed up into brown cardboard boxes, shipped to storage, and locked up to await my eighteenth birthday. I had been taken back there to gather our belongings before being driven to the hospital to stay with my unconscious sister, waiting for a few days to see if she woke up. Luckily, she had. Unluckily, that meant that we would now be packed into the wheel chair adaptable van, my sister’s new mode of transportation needing special care, and carted off to the Boston Orphanage.
“Adds? Addie, we’re here.” Khrysty shook my shoulder slightly before looking up into my matching blue eyes.
“Okay.” I told her. “I’ll get you out, Liv.” Turning to my youngest sister, who happened to be in the seat next to Khrysty, safely tucked away in her car seat.
“Rosie? I’m going to get Livies out and then I’m going to come get you, okay?” When she nodded, I unbuckled my seatbelt and hurried to get Khrysty’s chair from the trunk of the car. My sister tied her hands around my neck as took a firm grasp underneath her knees and arm pits, lifting her out of the car and into her already unfolded chair. Going around to the other side, I unbuckled Ashlynn and set her onto my hip, her small hands playing with my jacket zipper.
“Come on, girls.” Officer Lucy sang as she locked the van and wheeled Khrysty up the sidewalk. I looked up at the large brick building, noting how it looked more like an office building or a shopping complex then it did a home for unwanted or orphaned children. Taking a deep breath, I followed Officer Lucy to the door and, as she rang the bell, it hit me.
This was it.