So Long and Goodnight
o4 of o5
Nausea washes over me in waves.
I had (mostly) managed to get the incident with Gerard out of my head, but it was that time of the week again and I would have to see him for the first time since I tried to kiss him..since we kissed, and he pushed me away.
Humiliation stabs at my insides as I drag my feet as slowly as possible down the emptying halls.
Of course, it seemed like only a second until I was outside the room, looking in. My stomach dropped as I saw Gerard sitting at the table, and even further so when I noticed that he was idly toying with a little black armband.
One with a pink tiara on it.
I could tell he knew I was looking at him, but he kept his eyes carefully trained on the floor.
Warily, I pushed the door open.
Gerard's eyes strayed to me, moving uo my face to lock with my own.
Was it my imagination, or did he look pleading?
In a second, the look vanished and he was holding out the armband.
I looked at it stupidly.
It seemed small in his pale hand, for some reason.
"Uh..you left this.."
He speaks quietly.
I take the thing from his fingers.
Am I hallucinating, or did he just hold onto it a little, like he didn't want to let it go?
"T-thank you," I answer.
My voice is high and shaky, and all of a sudden I'm conscious of how much older he is than me.
What was I thinking?
I blush and look down and do my best not to star sniffling.
I try, so Gerard won't think I'm more pathetic than he obviously already does.
I try, but it doesn't work.
One tiny sniff escapes me, and I can feel the weight of his hand on my shoulder.
"Oh God, Frankie.."
"Don't call me that," I snap, angry at him and myself.
"Okay. Frank. I want you to know that I'm sorry."
Am I high, or did Gerard just apologize to me?
"Sorry for what?" I hiss.
"Sorry for pushing you away," he says sincerely.
I can't help but laugh a little.
"That was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my fucking life. And you just...I don't even...you are such a fucking bitch, Gerard." I've outraged myself into a fuming silence, but when Gerard fights down a snort, I explode.
"It's not fucking funny," I glare.
The mirth fades from his face.
"I know, Frank. And I really am sorry. I just.."
"You just what?"
"Remember I told you I had an ex named Jon?"
"Yeah."
"We were really serious..I'd only just broken up with him when I was forced to sign up for this tutoring thing. And then you were here and I really liked you and you were younger and you kissed me and it was all so confusing..so I understand if you hate me but please, just try to see how things are from my point of view, okay?"
Gerard cuts himself off, panting for air after that long statement.
A strange expression takes over my face.
"You really like me?" I breath, before remembering I'm supposed to hate him.
"Well, yeah." Gerard looks at me hopefully.
"What about this Jon guy?"
"I talked to a friend and she said some stuff that makes sense. I shouldn't let him ruin my life if he's already moved on," Gerard says.
"So..what does that mean?"
"It means that I know I was an ass to you, but I liked you all along and if you can still stand to be in the same room with me, I wanna try..something. With us. Like, together."
And then, I guess it's all on me.
I look into his wide eyes and notice the way he's biting his bottom lip. White teeth sinking into pink skin hold me in an absentminded trance. I don't even remember I'm supposed to be deciding our fate as a couple until Gerard goes "Frank!?" in a panicked sort of voice.
"Huh-Oooh. Yes, I wanna try something. With us. Together," I say hastily, mocking his earlier inarticulance*.
He gives me this gigantic happy smile that surprises me. All I've seen in the way of happy expressions from him is a lopsided little smirk.
Sexy as it is, I think I like this one better.
I give a grin back to match it, and we lean a little closer together.
This time, I let him kiss me.
At first, I try to sort out all the seperate feelings.
His mouth brushing softly against mine.
My fingertips on the skin of his face.
A swelling of love for him in my heart (and pants).
But eventually, I just let it all come crashing in around me. I feel it all at once.
After what seems like an eternity and simultaneously only five seconds, we break apart. He keeps his face close to mine as I whisper.
"How much time do we have left?"
Gerard's eyes dart to the clock.
"Like, forty-five minutes?"
"Plenty of time, then," I smirk.
Gerard catches on and once again closes the short distance between us.
-- -- --
*I'm pretty sure inarticulance is not a word. =/
I had (mostly) managed to get the incident with Gerard out of my head, but it was that time of the week again and I would have to see him for the first time since I tried to kiss him..since we kissed, and he pushed me away.
Humiliation stabs at my insides as I drag my feet as slowly as possible down the emptying halls.
Of course, it seemed like only a second until I was outside the room, looking in. My stomach dropped as I saw Gerard sitting at the table, and even further so when I noticed that he was idly toying with a little black armband.
One with a pink tiara on it.
I could tell he knew I was looking at him, but he kept his eyes carefully trained on the floor.
Warily, I pushed the door open.
Gerard's eyes strayed to me, moving uo my face to lock with my own.
Was it my imagination, or did he look pleading?
In a second, the look vanished and he was holding out the armband.
I looked at it stupidly.
It seemed small in his pale hand, for some reason.
"Uh..you left this.."
He speaks quietly.
I take the thing from his fingers.
Am I hallucinating, or did he just hold onto it a little, like he didn't want to let it go?
"T-thank you," I answer.
My voice is high and shaky, and all of a sudden I'm conscious of how much older he is than me.
What was I thinking?
I blush and look down and do my best not to star sniffling.
I try, so Gerard won't think I'm more pathetic than he obviously already does.
I try, but it doesn't work.
One tiny sniff escapes me, and I can feel the weight of his hand on my shoulder.
"Oh God, Frankie.."
"Don't call me that," I snap, angry at him and myself.
"Okay. Frank. I want you to know that I'm sorry."
Am I high, or did Gerard just apologize to me?
"Sorry for what?" I hiss.
"Sorry for pushing you away," he says sincerely.
I can't help but laugh a little.
"That was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my fucking life. And you just...I don't even...you are such a fucking bitch, Gerard." I've outraged myself into a fuming silence, but when Gerard fights down a snort, I explode.
"It's not fucking funny," I glare.
The mirth fades from his face.
"I know, Frank. And I really am sorry. I just.."
"You just what?"
"Remember I told you I had an ex named Jon?"
"Yeah."
"We were really serious..I'd only just broken up with him when I was forced to sign up for this tutoring thing. And then you were here and I really liked you and you were younger and you kissed me and it was all so confusing..so I understand if you hate me but please, just try to see how things are from my point of view, okay?"
Gerard cuts himself off, panting for air after that long statement.
A strange expression takes over my face.
"You really like me?" I breath, before remembering I'm supposed to hate him.
"Well, yeah." Gerard looks at me hopefully.
"What about this Jon guy?"
"I talked to a friend and she said some stuff that makes sense. I shouldn't let him ruin my life if he's already moved on," Gerard says.
"So..what does that mean?"
"It means that I know I was an ass to you, but I liked you all along and if you can still stand to be in the same room with me, I wanna try..something. With us. Like, together."
And then, I guess it's all on me.
I look into his wide eyes and notice the way he's biting his bottom lip. White teeth sinking into pink skin hold me in an absentminded trance. I don't even remember I'm supposed to be deciding our fate as a couple until Gerard goes "Frank!?" in a panicked sort of voice.
"Huh-Oooh. Yes, I wanna try something. With us. Together," I say hastily, mocking his earlier inarticulance*.
He gives me this gigantic happy smile that surprises me. All I've seen in the way of happy expressions from him is a lopsided little smirk.
Sexy as it is, I think I like this one better.
I give a grin back to match it, and we lean a little closer together.
This time, I let him kiss me.
At first, I try to sort out all the seperate feelings.
His mouth brushing softly against mine.
My fingertips on the skin of his face.
A swelling of love for him in my heart (and pants).
But eventually, I just let it all come crashing in around me. I feel it all at once.
After what seems like an eternity and simultaneously only five seconds, we break apart. He keeps his face close to mine as I whisper.
"How much time do we have left?"
Gerard's eyes dart to the clock.
"Like, forty-five minutes?"
"Plenty of time, then," I smirk.
Gerard catches on and once again closes the short distance between us.
-- -- --
*I'm pretty sure inarticulance is not a word. =/