If Only Words Could Describe This Feeling

It is 3 days before school re opens and the street is still empty. I look out from my window towards the glistening sun shone behind the trees that towered my window.

‘”It’s obvious the Arctic Monkeys is better.” He claimed.

I crossed my arms, “Well not really because Never Shout Never is slightly better than your version of better for the Arctic Monkeys,” I stuck my tongue out to him.

He took out his earphones and hand it to me. “Well you would think differently after you hear this song of them.” He kissed my cheek. “Our song.”

The song is called ‘Cornerstone’.

I took his music player away and went on the other side of the bench towards the lake. I heard footsteps coming closer behind me but kept concentrating on the song. He pulled up to stand and turned me towards him in one swift motion. He grabbed my waist and slowly we started dancing to the music. He pulled me towards him and lifted my chin up and slowly inching into me, slowly reaching for my lips. I pulled him tighter and close the gaps between us.

One of the earphones fell off as we twirled around. I pulled away, “Your earphones obviously hate me. They keep falling of every time I wear them!” I laughed.

“You insulted my music, are you trying to insult my headphones too?” he pretended to look hurt.

“Are you choosing your earphones over me?” I gave him a ‘hurt’ look.

He smirked, pulled me closer to him and slowly came in and pulled me tighter, while he kept brushing my lips with his soft chapped lips. “You’re beautiful,” he said between kisses.’

I miss the kisses. His face when the sun hits it, shimmering as if there are gold imprinted in it. The way his blue-green eyes gleam when he stares, the way the sun adds to his flawless facade is inconceivable

Without me realizing it, tears are running down on my cheeks and I quickly wipe them off.

He wasn't’t worth my tears; I told my self.

I decided to go on line on IMChat to check who was on line that I can talk to so I would get distracted.

Well, nobody is on line at the moment except for the one person that had made me feel like this.

His name still has my name – ‘C. (L)Hannah’

Why is he doing this to me; playing with my heart as if I am a disposable toy.

I decided to ignore him and search for some new music.

I went on You-Me.com and went on my profile page to change my status and edit my information on the website.

But the suddenly recognizable music sent shock to my spine as ‘You and me’ by Lifehouse started playing on the music play list.

Why does everything in the world have to evolve around him? I felt as if everything I have or everything I do has his name, as if each of our memory were planted on everyone of it. I felt angry as I realize this. How can I possibly lift those memories of? How do I forget him, to just forget how happy I used to be when I was with him? I didn't’t have to pretend smiling when he’s around, but now the smile I have, the strength I have are fake.

"‘Cause there’s you and me, and all other people with nothing to do, nothing to prove and there’s you and me, and all other people and I don’t know why, I can’t keep my eyes of off you' "

C. Hannah: Hi x

The IM pop ups on the computer screen making me jump ever so slightly. Do I reply? Or do I not? It took me a few minutes contemplating whether I should answer or not.

Hannah: …

C. Hannah: What, we can’t talk now? X

Hannah: you dump me.

I finally had the courage to say it, to talk to him.

C. Hannah: doesn't mean we can’t talk. Look, I’m sorry. X

Hannah: it’s obvious why you broke up with me. It’s because I don’t wanna do you.

C. Hannah: That’s not true. X

Hannah: Then why?

C. Hannah: I’m afraid of the commitment of a relationship. I have been in love three times and I don’t want to make a mistake with hurting you. X

Hannah: I’m supposed to believe that…

C. Hannah: I still love you Hannah. X

Hannah: Well you surely don’t love me enough.

C. Hannah: Of course I do. I’m just scared. I want to know if you’re really worth it when I loose you, I want to be able to know how I feel when you aren't’t by my side. I need to know how you feel about me. Please. X

At this moment, I was pouring my eyes out. How could he do this to me? What does he mean?

Hannah: I still love you…

Yes, I mean what I said to him. But what could he have done even if I tell him this? I shouldn't’t have told him.

C. Hannah: Thank you for telling me that. I have to go now. I love you babe. X

Hannah: I’m not a babe.

X: The following message could not be delivered as the user-name has logged off.

I was utterly confused by his attitude. Why did he want to know? And I felt foolish and it made me feel aggravated by how he could just play with me, while I’m tearing my eyes out because of him.

I hate him, for making me love him.