All We Are

That night was long and sleepless. I was too busy worrying about Kurt to get to sleep. I wondered what would happen to him. Would he be sent to jail? Rehab? What I really wanted was to just talk to him, even if it was only for a few minutes, just to see how he was doing.

I decided, since sleep was impossible, to check my email. I hadn't heard from anyone back in Michigan since I'd left. I was starting to feel bad for leaving like I had, not even bothering to tell my closest friends where I was going or how long I would be staying. Instead, like the coward I was, I'd slipped notes into their mailboxes, explaining that I wouldn't be back for a while. I had never been good with goodbyes, but I felt that my friends had a right to know what was going on.

After logging onto my email account, I saw that I had at least fifty new emails from Jared alone. Reading through the first twenty or so proved to be too much. I couldn't stop myself from crying. His emails begged for me to take him back. I knew that if I was back home, if my parents had never died, I probably would have taken him back. I told myself that breaking up with Jared was a good thing, and that moving to the Sullivans' was further proof that we weren't supposed to be together, but I still felt bad. The feelings that I'd had for Jared were genuine, and I really did care for him. It felt wrong to leave things that way.

Without bothering to finish reading his emails, that I knew would surely cause me more pain, I typed out a response.

Jared,

In case you haven't heard, or didn't know, I no longer live in Michigan. I'm in California now, living with some of my parents' friends. I don't think that even if I did live in Michigan we would be able to work out. We had too many differences and our goals didn't match. I think it would be best if we didn't talk anymore. If we had a clean break. So please don't bother to respond. I'm changing my email and I have a new phone number. Goodbye Jared.

Love, Willow

After that, I sent one, template-like message to all of my friends, explaining my situation and giving them my new email address. I still wanted to keep in touch with them, just not Jared. I knew that I would never talk to Jared again. With a heavy heart and head full of worry, I shut off my laptop and went to bed. A little while later, I was asleep.