Rock Bottom And Below

She had walked back and forward about a thousand times now. The drops of rain falling out of the sky easily reached her skin and froze her to the bone. Why was she here? She hadn’t even noticed that she was walking towards this place. How could her feet have betrayed her like this? The rain wasn’t stopping, but Nora didn’t mind anymore. She was already soaked. You couldn’t get more soaked than this, not even by jumping into a public pool. She did mind the wind. though. It was trying to freeze her like a popsicle.
The messenger bag that hung against her hip was starting to bother at her shoulder. That’s what you get from stuffing all your belongings into one bag; it gets heavy. Her sneakers were sopping wet and made a funny sound every time she would move her feet. She wasn’t dressed for this weather, but then, she never thought she would spend the night outside. At first it had been fine. It was cold, but at least there wasn’t some thunderstorm roaring around her like there was now. A park bench had been fine, if it wasn’t for karma being a bitch.

The ironic part was that Nora didn’t believe in Karma, but still it was a fun word to say. Nora didn’t believe there was a higher power that brought her here. On this particular night, under these circumstances. Her feet had brought her here, because she had been here before. Her feet knew the way to this apartment by heart, having been here a few times after graduation. She kept pacing from side to side.
The tears that were falling stung her face. Her cheekbone was probably turning a beautiful shade of deep purple right now. She knew she looked like hell. Her lip was busted and she had blood on her shirt. Her knuckles were scraped and her body was hurting all over. Yeah, she was the typical girly-girl. Not. During her walk over here, multiple people had given her a weird look over. They probably thought she had been beaten up by either her dad or some low-life she would call her boyfriend. The thought that she might had asked for it herself, probably didn’t cross their minds. And yes she had asked for it. Participating in a illegal fight was asking to get hurt. People didn’t see her steel stomach and the abs that made it that hard. All they saw was a busted up girl. In a way she was busted up, why else would she be here? Why else would she be out in the rain, with a bag full of clothes and on his doorstep.

“God, I shouldn’t do this…” Nora mumbled to herself. Again, Nora didn´t believe in a God either. She didn´t listen to his rules. Nora didn’t really listen to anyone, and apparently not even to herself. A few steps led her to the door and her hand reached out for the buzzer. She wasn’t doing this. She couldn’t do this. But she did.
“Who is it?” his familiar voice broke through the wind surrounding her.

“J-Jesse? It’s Nora. Can you let me up?” She was stuttering. She didn´t know if it was the cold or if she was afraid to go up there. Was she afraid to enter the apartment she would have lived in, if her life turned out differently?

It was silent for a moment. If she wasn’t busted up already, Nora would have hit herself. Why had she done this? What had she been thinking? She wanted to smash her face into the brick wall, just for being this stupid.

“Come on up,”

The words broke Nora out of her self-destructive trance. There was another buzz that opened the door. In shock Nora watched how her hands pushed the door open. He had let her in. Why was he the way he was? Why couldn’t he just yell at her to get the fuck out of his way? She wouldn’t have been surprised. He had all the rights to hate her. It was harsh and cruel to turn up in this place on same date as she had broken things off two years ago. She probably would have preferred the screaming and cursing. Because now she had to face him. She might be out of the rain , but the storm sure as hell wasn’t over yet.

Her dripping clothes left marks in the hallway and her hands began to sting from the sudden climate change. She knocked her broken knuckles silently against the door. This was going to be hard. She just didn’t have anywhere else to go. He was the only one she knew, that would let her in. The only one she knew that would care. The door opened, there he was.

He still looked the same. A weird feeling filled her guts. She missed his messy hair and that one day old beard. He was wearing pajama pants and still had those gorgeous green eyes. Those gorgeous green eyes were now piercing hers. It hurt. She had to look away. His gaze had hurt her before. It was actually the reason she had broken up with him those years ago. But this time it was a different kind of look. He looked doubtful.

“I’m sorry. You know I wouldn’t be here if I had anywhere else to go,” she didn’t dare look up.

Nora, the tough girl, disappeared when he was around. He was the only one that had ever seen her weak. He was the only one that had been with her that night. That horrible night. The night that had started the ending. He stepped aside and she walked into his apartment. It was big, bright and there was a lot of white furniture. It surprised her, it didn’t really look like Jesse at all. Maybe he had changed in these two years. She knew she had.

“Who’s there?” A girl's voice came from upstairs. It came from the bedroom. Yes he had changed. And yes this had been a big mistake. Who did she think she was? Barging in on his life? He had build this new existence after she left. She didn’t belong in it anymore.

“A park bench doesn’t sound that bad after all,” she murmured and walked up to the door again. She was leaving. She couldn’t stay here. She needed him to be happy. Even though it hurt to hear that voice. She had to be glad he found love again. Even though it pierced her soul, she had to leave him. Again. It would be selfish to drag him down in her misery. Again.

Before Nora could reach the door and run away, the girl appeared in the room. Damn.. why couldn’t she just be ugly? Why did she need to be that gorgeous? She made Nora look like Xena the warrior princess without the sex-appeal.

“No one, I was just leaving.” Nora said and looked at Jesse. His eyes told her he was confused, but his lips formed different words.

“Don’t go."