Valentine

Valentine’s Day used to be something that Alex looked forward to. But, after the day’s events, he’s pretty sure he wants the holiday to just be eliminated from the calendar altogether. He shoves his hands into his hoodie pockets as he slouches down on his couch in front of the TV. He focuses his eyes on the wall, trying to force his eyes to remain dry. He can’t cry anymore. It’s just not worth it.

When Jack walks through the apartment door, Alex grins. “Hey!” he exclaims, throwing his arms around Jack’s body in a tight hug. But, the smile is suddenly wiped off his face. He breathes in deep – Jack smells like smoke and …someone else. “Where were you all day?” he asks tentatively.

“I was just out…doing some shopping.” He removes himself from Alex’s grip and starts walking towards their shared bedroom.

Alex watches, his eyes focused on the bag in Jack’s hands. It doesn’t have a store name on it – it could be from anywhere. He wants to know what’s inside – he also wants to know why Jack just lied, or if he even remembers that it’s Valentine’s Day.

How could he have been so blind? So oblivious to how different things had been? Jack was so obviously unhappy. There had been so many sings, now that Alex thinks about it. Jack never wanted to cuddle after sex. He complained about going out to dinner every time Alex suggested it. Alex wants to just hit himself for being so stupid.

He pushes himself up from the couch, wandering over to the kitchen. He stares at the broken glass on the floor near the table – and that’s what breaks him.

“W-what’s the bag for?” Alex stutters from his spot at the kitchen table, his eyes focused on the duffle bag in Jack’s left hand.

Jack stops walking, putting the bag down on the counter. “I um… We should talk.” He sits down in the chair next to Alex. Alex goes to reach for his hand but Jack pulls it away. “I’m just going to be honest.”

“Jack-”

“We don’t work anymore, Lex. Let’s face it.”

Alex sucks in a deep breath, his eyes stinging, “No- Jack, what are you talking about? I thought –”

“Alex – don’t. We’re not the same. I’m not the same. I don’t want the same things anymore.”

“I…y-you’re leaving?” Alex’s voice is higher than usual as he eyes Jack’s bag sitting on the counter. His heart rate increases as the seconds pass by. This can’t be happening.

“I’m um… Yeah. I’m leaving.”

“Where are you going? Where will you stay?”

“I have someone-”

The word ‘someone’ sets Alex off. The tears fall freely and he feels as if a weight has been dropped on his heart, crushing it completely. He stands, his legs unsteady. “Someone else?”

“Well…sort of…in a way,” Jack admits.

Alex notes that he doesn’t sound very sorry. He sounds almost…annoyed that he has to have this conversation. “Jack – please, I’ll be different, I can-”

“I don’t want you to be different, Alex.”

Jack stands as well, walking quickly over to his bag on the counter and picking it up. He puts the strap over his shoulder and shoves his hands into his hoodie pocket.

“Why the hell did you have to do this to me today? Why couldn’t you have – have waited, until tomorrow?” Alex’s voice is desperate.

“What? What difference would it make?”

“It’s fucking Valentine’s Day, Jack!” Alex shouts. He grabs a plate sitting on the dish rack and throws it down onto the floor in a rash decision. He stares at the broken pieces in despair – he’s going to be the one who will have to clean them up. But, before he does that, he sinks down to the floor and holds his head in his hands, sobbing. Of course Jack forgot… Alex had stayed quiet all week, thinking – hoping – that maybe he was just planning something big, something he didn’t want Alex to know about. And, in a sense, he was right. This sudden confession from Jack is big – it’s just not even close to what Alex wanted.

“Shit, Lex, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize – I’ve been so pre-occupied that I didn’t-”

Alex shakes his head. He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. He knows he sort of looks like a fish, the way he keeps opening his mouth to speak, but he doesn’t care.

“I’ll stay, Lex – We can make today alright. I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t fucking apologize to me!”

“Alex, I-”

“I just don’t understand this.”

Alex bends down and picks up the larger pieces of the broken plate, throwing them into the nearby trashcan. He stands up and retrieves the vacuum in order to clean up the smaller pieces. All the while, he wipes at his eyes and tries to control his sobbing. He knows he should have seen it coming. But, for some reason, he didn’t really understand what Jack was really saying until he uttered the words ‘I just don’t love you anymore.’