Impulse

It was a sunny day in Huntington Beach, California. The grass was warm against the girl’s feet as she walked down the isle. Sighing, searching, she held onto a small boy’s hand, his large brown eyes held anger and sorrow. She looks beside her, stopping quietly, bringing the boy to a halt next to her. The girl looked back, seeing family and friends standing off to the side, sad smiles on their faces as they watched the two. Brown eyes looked up into blue.

Flowers, daises were in the boy’s hands. He placed it beside the photo, and the letter he wrote. He had written many letters to her. He was River James Haner, 10 years old, the son of Brian and Emma Haner. Chewing on his bottom lip, he stepped away from the stone, looking up at his sister, Amelia Mae Haner with teary brown eyes, eyes he had gotten from his father.

Amelia pulled her brother to her side, running her fingers over his shaved head. She looked down at the piece of stone, the words engraved were not enough. Words simply were not enough to express how caring, and warm her mother was. The angel above them wasn’t enough for her mother, nothing was enough for her.

Amelia ran her fingers through her hair, like her mother did so many times. No matter how many times she did this, Amelia couldn’t perform the action like Emma could. Her mother brought her comfort, love, and security. Amelia sighed, shaking her head.

“Go, River, please.” Amelia said, pushing at her brother’s shoulder.

The boy ran away from her, and into the arms of his Uncle Matt. Amelia sat in front of the mineral, running her fingers over the words.

In Loving Memory Of
Emma Rae Haner
March 22nd, 1985 - April 25th , 2020
Loving Mother, Daughter, Sister, Aunt, and Friend.
One More Day Without You , Is One More Day Closer To Being With You.

10 years had passed since Brian and Emma had gotten back together. Two months after they had rekindled their relationship, Emma and Brian renewed their vows. Two months later, they were granted custody of Amelia after many dollar bills, counseling, and court dates. The two had fallen in love, and on November 11th, 2010, they welcomed River James Haner into their family.

Seven years passed after the birth of River, and on December 20th, 2017, the couple found themselves welcoming another baby into the Haner family, a little boy they named Ivan Nicholas Haner, after Emma’s father. With their hands full, the family of five thought it was time to stop having children and focus on the three they had at the time.

Things took a turn when Emma gave birth to Jayla Avolet and Aria Reese Haner on January 7th, 2020. Having a 17 year old, a 7 year old, a 3 year old, and two newborns was stressing the two out, and Emma had been hit hard with postpartum depression after the birth of the twins, she often left the 5 of her children alone with Brian for long periods of time. Their relationship was going downhill fast.

On the night of April 25th, 2020, Emma was murdered by her husband, Brian. Things between the two had become tense, and Emma was thinking of leaving him. Things had not been working out between them since the birth of their two youngest daughters, Jayla and Aria. One night, the two were fighting, and had been for a while over god knows what.

Things got out of hand, Brian had put his hands on Emma once again, the first time in 10 years. He pushed, pulled, and hit until things simply got out of control. He had let his anger take control of him. Long story short, Brian had choked Emma to death with his bare hands. Amelia had gone out that night with her friends, and came home to her mother’s body lying in the middle of the hallway, two screaming babies in their cribs, River and Ivan hiding in the hall closet, and her father nowhere to be found.

Amelia remembered the panic that had had such a tight grip on her heart and senses. She remembered trying to bring her mother back, trying to wake her up. She knew her father had done it, she knew that no matter how long he hadn’t touched her mom, or how happy he acted, he was still that sadistic, cruel, and merciless man he was 10 years ago.

After one month of searching, Brian was found in New York, New York. The man was convicted, sentenced to one life sentence. Amelia thought back to the day they sentenced her father. She remembered the cold, smug, guiltless look on his face, the smirk he wore when he looked at her, his brown eyes holding nothing but happiness. She knew he didn’t regret it. He never would.

Amelia shook her head, looking to the grass as tears welled in her eyes. Blinking, the fluid fell down her face, one drop landing on her hands. She sniffled, wiping at her nose before covering her hands with her face, letting out a gut wrenching sob, shaking the girl to her core. The lump in her throat was growing, saliva building in her mouth.

She rubbed at her eyes, running her hands on her bare legs. She wanted to know why, why her mother had to be taken away from her so quickly. Amelia was on the road to graduating high school at the top of her class. She wasn’t going to have her mother there to tell her how much she loved her, how proud she was. She wasn’t going to see her mother there, clapping and smiling at her when that man handed her that high school diploma.

She wasn’t going to be there to help Amelia pack, to drive her across the state to drop her off at the school. Her mother wasn’t going to be there to help her when she was down, to talk to her when things got rough, to encourage her when she felt she couldn’t go on. She wasn’t going to see her smile, hear her laugh, or feel her arms around her.

She wished she could see Emma again, one more time to tell her that she loved her. She was lost without her mother. She was sick, tired, she wanted to sleep. Sleep so she could dream of her mother, the times she had with her were priceless. She wanted to relive those moments, she wanted to be able to say “Do you remember that time when…”. The fact that she would never be able to do that was enough to destroy Amelia. She rubbed at her throat softly.

“I miss you.” She spoke, her voice hoarse. “I miss you, Momma. I don’t know what to do…” Amelia said sincerely, wiping the falling tears. “I’m so lost without you, Mom. I need you, I need your guidance… Anything.” She whispered.

Sniffling, Amelia wiped at her nose, drumming her fingers on her thigh as she waited, waited for the wind to blow, for anything.

“Why did you have to leave us, Momma? I… I can’t do this without you. It doesn’t feel right without you here. We need you.” Amelia explained, running her fingers along the wings of the angel. “Everyone misses you. We miss you so bad.” She said softly, turning her head to see them still standing.

Amelia moved her body forward, pressing her forehead to the cool marble. “I know you told me not to miss you, and you told me to move on when you were gone. B-but I can’t. I just can’t, Momma.” She told the stone. “Everyone is doing okay… Jayla and Aria look just like you. They gained some weight, and they’re eating mashed carrots and applesauce now. And they can both sit up on their own. They‘ll be crawling soon.” She explained, smiling at the thought of her two 7 month old baby sisters.

“I wrote you a letter.” She said, laughing through her tears as she pulled the folded piece of paper from her bra. “So did River, he writes you a lot. He misses you, Momma. But he‘s getting better.” She alleged. “Ivan misses you, I can hear him crying for you sometimes. And it breaks my heart. But… But don’t worry, I handle it. I know you wouldn‘t want me to lie to him, so I tell him that you‘re up in the sky… With the angels, and that you‘re always looking down on him, and that you‘re always with him. Watching over him.” She sniffled. “I got accepted to Julliard, Momma. You always told me that I was going to get in, and you were right.” She smiled, playing with her hands. “You always were.” She mumbled.

“We’re doing alright, Mom. I know you’re worried about us. River is doing good in school, his teacher says he’s the smartest in the class. Johnny and Adrianna found out they’re going to have a baby soon. Jane is almost there, she’s got a week left. A-and Charlotte and Zack are getting married soon.” She cleared her throat. “Jane and Matt are going to name their little girl after you.” She smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Grandpa and Grandpa got custody of us, just like you wanted them to.” She said, smiling. “I know they’ll raise the boys right. They’ll teach them how to treat a woman.” She sighed. “Its not going to be the same without you there, Mom. I’m going to miss you waking me up every morning.” She chuckled.

Amelia looked up to the sky, wiping tears away gingerly. Hearing a faint crying noise, she looked behind her to see Jayla squirming in Jane’s arms, her face holding a look of discomfort. Turning around, Amelia put her hand on her mother’s name, tracing the letters.

“I hate this part… I hate leaving you…” She trailed off as she stood up. “I have to go, Momma. I’m going to miss you. I’ll be back everyday until I have to leave.” She promised. “There’s so much I have to tell you.” She said, a sick feeling settling in her stomach. “I’ll be back tomorrow, Momma. I love you.” She leaned down, kissing her fingers before pressing them to the cold stone. “I’ll see you soon.”

She stood up, a breeze hitting her, making her long brown hair blow back. She walked over to the group of family, her support system, the people she could lean on. She smiled at them sadly, taking a fussing Jayla from Jane’s arms, rubbing the infant’s back as Jayla cuddled into her sister’s neck, sticking her hand in her mouth. Amelia didn’t want to think of the day when she had to leave them.

“Are you ready to go?” Matt asked, giving her a sympathetic look as he held Ivan‘s hand. Amelia glanced behind her, looking to her mother’s grave, a smile coming across her face.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”