Impulse

Brown eyes stared down at white carpet. Tattooed fingers clutched blankets, his fist tight as he twisted the cloth. His cell phone sat beside him, his anger building up inside of him, filling his body, slowly threatening to spill over. His arms began to shake, knuckles popping as his hands began to tingle.

He felt as if insects, arachnids were crawling over his arms, causing the hairs on his biceps to stand up. His eyes darted around the room, the window was open, the smell of rain filling his nose. Trembling became more violent, and his head began to throb. Closing his eyes tightly, he gripped the sheets, hoping that the feeling would soon pass.

He inhaled deeply, his heart seemed to beat too slow for his liking. His chest tightened, his mouth falling open as he exhaled sharply, his breathing sharp and fast. He felt like he was suffocating, as if somebody was sitting on his chest. Suddenly, his chest released, he let out a loud noise as he began to breathe heavily.

Emma sighed, her body moving as she stirred. Brian turned his head, watching as her eyes opened. He looked away from her, remembering what he had lost over a year ago. His anger was there, boiling inside of him, he knew that he was going to explode any moment ago. She inhaled, the noise making his anger flare.

Emma rubbed her fists into her eyes, wincing at the pain. She looked over to him, her heart beat increasing as she swallowed nervously. She stared at his back, wondering if he knew that she was awake or not. She was afraid, afraid that he had forgotten what he said the night before, his apology, his 'I love you'.

He never said he wasn't going to do it again, Emma remembered. Even if Brian had promised, swore to her that he would never hurt her again, Emma knew that he would be lying. Brian had never told her that he would never hurt her again, he never told her that he didn't like doing what he did, simply because he would be lying to her.

She knew he was sick, she knew that what he had was simply uncontrollable. Medication was needed to calm him down, though Brian had stopped taking his medication years ago, claiming that he didn't need it, that he was fine without it. Emma had been aware of his condition only months after she said yes to being his girlfriend in high school.

She was afraid at first. She was careful, knowing that anything could set the man off. She was aware of what he was capable of, and she knew that at times, his episodes were simply involuntary. She learned to live with him, knowing what she had to do to calm him down. Now, she noticed that he had become more aggressive, and that his disorder was out of control.

The bed shifted, lightening, telling her that Brian had stood. He looked down at her, his face emotionless, his hands curled into fists at his sides as he watched her. She avoided eye contact, in fear that he would become angry with her. She turned over, her hair falling over her face as she yawned.

"Amelia called" He said simply.

Emma's eyes darted towards his, her heart fluttering as she sat up in bed. Her mouth parted slowly, her eyes darting around the room. She let out a small whimper, not knowing what to say. She sighed, trying her hardest to fight back tears as yearning gripped her heart. She shook her head, slightly angry with Brian.

Amelia. The name ran through Emma, the six letters forced tears to her eyes, shook the girl to her core. Memories came back, some happy, others sad. She wiped her face off, tears moistening her fingertips. She laid down, pulling the covers over her head as she began to cry into her pillow. She felt Brian sit behind her, pulling the cover away from her face, planting a small kiss to her temple.

Seven years ago, at the age of 18, Emma had found out she was pregnant. Brian was 20 years old, living in an apartment with Matt. Having still been in school at the time, Emma was still living with her parents. The two were happy, excited, and terrified. To Emma's surprise, Brian stayed by her side through the tough nine months.

On January 22nd, 2003, Amelia Mae Haner was born. The couple couldn't have been any happier. Amelia and Emma moved into Brian's apartment, Jane and Matt having moved into their own apartment only two floors below. Emma and Brian were there for everything, Amelia's first word, her first smile, laugh, steps.

Amelia and Emma tagged along on tour, Brian not comfortable with the two girls staying by themselves for months at a time. Things took a turn for the worse after the two had gotten married in 2008, Amelia being 5 years old. Domestic violence took over. Emma remembered the beatings Amelia was victim to, and the beating she had witnessed.

Neighbors were curious, teachers at the day care Amelia was going to would often question Emma about the various bruises Amelia sported on her arms, legs, and abdomen. Emma would often make up stories, excuses. Emma knew that the neighbors could hear the two girls crying in the middle of the night, Brian's loud voice, glasses, lamps, pictures, and plates breaking.

In the summer of 2008, Emma had gotten a knock on the door, CPS had come to take Amelia away from them. She was placed in foster care, Emma and Brian not being able to see their daughter. She was adopted out to Ryan and Olivia Jones, a young couple who were not capable of having children of their own.

Now, two years later, Amelia had just recently turned 7 years old. Emma had written her daughter a letter, and sent her gifts, letting Amelia know that she hadn't forgotten about her. She knew that Ryan and Olivia didn't like her, it was plain as day and Emma didn't blame them. The couple hardly let Emma see Amelia, only letting the girl call her parents every few months.

Emma never got letters back, she knew that Amelia had gotten the presents, but never the letters. For the fact that Olivia and Ryan would not allow her to read them, or see them. Often, Emma found herself wondering if Amelia was happy. She hoped she was, she knew that her home wasn't safe.

"Ryan and Olivia are going to let us keep her this weekend" Brian said, running his fingers through her hair.

Emma smiled, sitting up before throwing her arms around Brian's neck, not caring what he was going to do. She was happy for once, she was content with life.

And nothing was going to take that away from her.