Temporary Life

"Hey, Kelsi, there's some guys out there asking for you," Megan said, walking into the back room.

"I have to go, Megan. I'm supposed to get off in an hour anyways. I'm just not feeling too well, I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. You did a great job for your first night. You'll be back tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, I hope it's just a twenty-four hour bug." It was nothing close to that. I knew it wasn't going to go away until I grew a pair and talked to them.

I snuck out the back so they wouldn't be able to see me. Instead of going back to Bam's, I went to Jess' and spent the night.

The next day, I was extremely tired because I was up all night, wondering what was going to happen today. The only thing I could think about, was them being pissed at me.

I walked through the front door, and my ears were immediately greeted to shouting. All the guys must be over. "Hey! There you are! Why didn't you answer my calls?! I finally called Jess to see where you were," Bam said, walking over to me and taking Lily out of her carrier.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, falling onto the couch and throwing my arm over my face.

"What's wrong? Bad first night?"

"No, it was great. Until some people I didn't expect to show up... Show'd up..."

He was quiet for a few seconds, trying to figure it out. "Who?" I was suddenly cut off by the door bell ringing. I groaned, knowing exactly who it was.

"Take Lil up to her room and put her in her crib for me please," I said, standing up and going to the door.

"Well you look like shit," Leana said as soon as I opened the door.

"Gee, thanks, Lee," I said, smiling sarcastically.

"Of course! Now give me a damn hug!" She yelled, throwing her arms around me. I gave all the girls hugs and told them to come in. Ky was asleep in Lacey's arms. He'd grown so much! I didn't exactly get the warmest welcoming from the guys... Only Jimmy.

"Hey, Kels." He smiled, giving me a bone crushing hug.

"They're not so happy with me, are they?" I mumbled into his chest.

"Let's go talk." I led all of them to the living room as Bam walked in. He stood there like a deer caught in the head lights.

"Um..."

"Just go hang out with the guys, Bam. I need to talk to them," I sighed, collapsing onto the couch.

"Are you sure you don't want me-"

"I'll be okay; I'll call you if I need to." He nodded slowly, before walking out back.

"You have some serious explaining to do, Kelsi," Dad said.

"I know." My voice barely came out as a whisper as I looked down at the floor.

"Why'd you leave, Kels? You knew you were always welcome to stay," Michelle started off.

"I know, I just... I needed a change," I sighed.

"But why? Were we not good enough?" Dad asked, sounding really hurt.

"No! You were, I can't explain it. You know I love you guys so much. Just... I didn't want you to be mad at me. I thought this was the best solution."

"Why would we be mad at you, Kels? You never gave us a reason to be mad at you that we would kick you out. You're part of this family and we work through things. You didn't even wait two weeks after tour, before moving out here!" Matt said.

I put my head in my hands as I tried to calm down. I didn't know whether to cry or yell at him. "I guess I can only show you," I mumbled, before standing up. I took them all up to Lily's room, where she was currently asleep. I walked over to her crib and stroked her back softly.

"Is she yours?" Val asked quietly, walking over to my side. I nodded slowly, trying to hold in my tears as I waited for it...

"You have a fucking kid?!" Dad yelled. Lily woke with a start, and began crying.

I groaned in frustration, knowing how hard it was to get her back to sleep when she was woken up. I picked her up and tried to rock her back to sleep as silent tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Really, Brian?" Michelle hissed, slapping his arm.

"I can't believe you didn't fucking tell us," Zacky said, shaking his head.

"Because I knew this was how you would react!" Lily began to cry louder. "Baby, please! Just go back to sleep!"

"Here," Bam came in, holding his arms out for Lily. "Go take a few deep breaths and calm down," he said, starting to rock her.

I walked out of the room, Dad following me. "Is she Bam's?" I just shook my head. "Then who's?" I looked up to him, only to find a hard stare.

"Shh, come on. Babies can feel their mother’s emotions when they hold them. That little one needs you and she'll be upset as long as you are," Jimmy said, taking me into his arms. I clung onto him, missing his arms. Sure, Bam made me feel safe, but it was nothing compare to Jimmy. "Just give your Dad an hour or so, Kels. He'll come around and see that he's over reacting."

"But he's not, Jim."

"Yes, he is. He's your father and needs to deal with whatever life throws at him so he can be a rock for you," he said sternly. I didn't argue with him, I knew it was no use. Have you ever tried to argue with Jimmy?! Not easy, and you never win.

I took one last deep breath, before I felt calm again. I went back into the room, and found Lily almost asleep in Bam's arms. The girls were all around, cooing over her. I could already tell she was going to be even more spoiled. The guys stood back a little, talking to Dad. They looked at me when I walked in. I ignored them and went straight to take Lily from Bam. I grabbed one of her blankets and walked down stairs to the back. She loved being outside.

I sat under the umbrella at the table, so she wouldn't get sun burnt. The girls came out to sit with me, asking me questions about her.

A little bit later, the guys came back out. Bam seemed in one piece, so I wasn't too worried. "Can I see the precious?" Jimmy smiled, holding his arms out towards Lily.

"You have no idea how weird that just sounded," I laughed, handing her to him.

"Aw, she's so cute." I sent Bam a look, silently asking him if he told them she was Alex's, and he shook his head.

"Let me see her, Jimmy," Dad said calmly. I tensed a little, but Bam rubbed my shoulders, telling me it was okay. "Aren't you just adorable?" He smiled down at her.

"You know what I just noticed?" Frank said, smirking.

"What?" I asked.

"Syn is Papa Gates now, too!" He said, cracking up. Dad's head popped up and fear struck his face.

"But I'm too young! And beautiful!"