Temporary Life

"Kels, what're you doing today?" Bam asked as I walked down the stairs with Lily.

"I have a few things to do. Why?"

" 'Cause we're supposed to start the 'official' filming for the show or whatever."

There were so many things on my mind lately and I was heading back to work tonight after having three weeks off. "And that involves me how?" I asked, walking over to Lily's car seat and setting her in.

"Well, we were going to have you be a part of it."

I sighed, pulling my hair up into a ponytail. "Bam, I have to go do the shopping, stop by the college, and then go to work while taking Lily with me. I'm sorry, but I can't do it today."

"Ape can do the shopping, there's no reason for you to go to the college or even work, and Jess can watch Lily. There, problem solved."

I covered my hands with my face, sighing heavily. "Bam, it's not all that easy. We've been over this a million times. I'm going to college and I'm going to work. End of conversation."

"How is it even a conversation if you won't even let me talk?!"

"Because I already know what you're going to say! I'm not just going to sit around while you pay for everything, Bam! I'm not that kind of girl, and you know it!"

"What kind of girl would that be? One that let's her boyfriend take care of her?!"

"That's not taking care of me. That's giving me anything I want, like a spoiled little brat. I'm not going to set that example for my daughter. Plus, I actually want to go to college and get my nursing degree. You knew that from the first time I met you. I told you that."

"I just don't get it, Kels. Here I am, ready to, telling you that you don't have to work, but you're still going to do it."

I shook my head, grabbing my things. "I'm not having this conversation with you anymore."

"Yeah, it was a great conversation!"

I stopped and just looked at him. "Don't, Bam, just... Just please don't."

"Don't what, Kels?! Be upset?! Well I'm sorry!"

"You have no reason to be upset, that's my point. You're acting so childish!" It was silent as we stared each other down.

"Fine, go." He said, being the first to brake. "Obviously nothing I can say matters." He mumbled, before walking out the back door.

I sighed, bending over to pick up Lily, and walked out to the car. This was going to be a long day...

When I got home after running around all day, I started to attempt to make dinner. Lily was asleep in her swinger as I put the groceries away and pulled things out that I needed.

"Hey, Kels. Do you know what's up with Bam today?" Dico asked, leaning against the counter.

"He's just being stupid." I mumbled as I rushed to get things done.

"Did you guys have a fight or something?"

"Dico! Right now is not the time to be playing twenty questions!" I said agitatedly. He held his hands up, and started to back out of the kitchen.

I sighed, laying my head down on the counter, trying to calm down.

I felt someone's hands on my shoulders as they started to massage the knots and kinks. "Why so tense, Love?" My head shot up at the sound of that damn Finnish accent that always made me calm down.

"Ville?"

"The one and only." He smiled, holding out his arms, waiting for me to give him a hug.

"God, I'm so glad you're here." I said, squeezing the life out of him.

He chuckled lightly. "Troubles in paradise?"

I scoffed at the cliche nickname. "Troubles in Bam Land."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly, rubbing my arm soothingly.

"I don't have time." I sighed, looking at the mess which was meant to be dinner. "God, I'm such a fucking wreck today!" I groaned, slamming my forehead on the counter repeatedly.

"Hey now." Ville scolded, putting his hand to cover the counter so my head wouldn't impact with it.

"I'm just so damn frustrated and I feel like I'm going in circles!" Just then, Lily woke up crying. I walked over and picked her up, bouncing her slightly. "Come on, Lily. Stop crying." Her cries grew as my headache did.

"Give her to me and go calm down." Ville said, taking Lily from my arms.

"I can take care of my own daughter, Ville." I hissed, glaring at him.

"Not in this current position, you aren't. Now, go." I stomped off out of the room.

"What's up with you? Are you and Bam both in bad moods today, or what?" Raab asked as they all sat watching t.v. I picked the remote up and threw it at him. He dodged it, falling to the floor. "Damn, woman! What'd I do to you?! Go take a chill pill or some other pill to calm you down."

"If only I could."

They all looked at me with wide eyes. "Kels, don't say that." Dunn said.

I shook my head and ran up the stairs. I slammed my old room's door behind me as I fell on the bed crying. I had no idea why I was crying. The pent up tears just started over flowing. There were mostly out of frustration.

"What's wrong, Kels?" Jess whispered, rubbing my back soothingly.

"I don't know." I cried into the pillow. I looked up at the clock and noticed I needed to get ready for work.

"Kels, you need to calm down first before you do anything else." He said, standing up as I did.

"I'll be fine, Jess. Can you please watch Lily tonight?"

He sighed and nodded. "Yeah."

"She's down in the kitchen with Ville." I said, walking past him and to Bam's room to grab the clothes I needed and then back to the other upstairs bathroom.

Work had been a long night. At least I was now assistant manager and didn't have to work tables tonight.

When I got back to the house, everyone was still up. Go figure. I walked past all of them and outside.

I sat at the table and grabbed one of Dunn's cigarettes, lighting it up with shaky hands. I took a long drag from it and let it out slowly. I hadn't smoked in the longest time. I never did it constantly, just once or twice before.

I felt someone come up behind me and gently take it out of my hands, smashing it out on the ground. "You don't need it." Bam whispered, stroking my hair. I stared at the ground, not trusting myself to look up into his eyes. "Kels, I'm sorry for being such an ass earlier. I know those are things you want to do for yourself... I guess it's just going to take some getting used to." When I still didn't say anything, he sighed and went back inside.

I sat there for what felt like hours, just looking up at the sky.

What would it be like to be up there instead of down here?