Sell Your Soul Under the Lights

The air around Joseph almost made him smile. He was laying quietly in his bed just looking at the ceiling, something he hadn't done in a long while. He thought about his life as a child to the point where he was right now. It was different than he would have ever imagined.

“Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.” the young eight year old Joseph was smiling at his older brother. “What do you want to be when you grow up? I think I want to be a firefighter so that I can be a hero and save lives.”

The curly haired ten year old sighed as he paused from doing his homework, but didn't turn around. “You know, I don't really know what I’d want to be Joseph. What I want to do now is my school work.”

Joseph watched his older brother with a smile on his face. He loved his brother more than anything in the world and would do anything for him. He waited until Kevin had started his homework to speak again.

“What is love Kevin? Do you believe in love? Miss Heather says that she believes in love. She says that love is a feeling inside of you and only happens when you truly care for people. What do you think love is?” Kevin let out a large sigh and turned around in his chair agitated.

After taking a few seconds to himself, Kevin smiled at his younger brother. “Love is what mom and dad have. Its when you don't want to be away from the person or people for a long time and when you are it hurts. Love makes people smile, but it also makes them cry. Love is good.”

It was silent for a moment as Joseph thought to himself. He finally looked up at his older bother with a smile. “Do you love me?”

“Yes Joseph, I love you as much as the moon loves the night. Now can I please get back to my work?” Kevin was smiling widely at his brother. Joseph’s smile was even wider and he shook his yes and exited the room. He loved his brother and nothing could ever change that.

Small tears were rolling down the young man’s face. He didn't want to think about the painful memories of his past. He didn't want to forget about them either.

Kevin had taught him a lot of things, one was that nothing mattered as long as you were happy. Joseph was a torn man. He had no idea what he could do with his life and what he wanted to do. A thought ran through his head as he kept looking at the ceiling. What if I just disappeared?

It was indeed a selfish thought for Joseph to even think of but it was the only idea that had been circling his brain for hours. His mother hated him, his father hadn't spoken to him in months, and his only two brothers were disappointed in him.

Joseph stood up from where he was sitting and walked over to the bathroom. He locked the door so no one could see him so low. His fingers twitched as he touched the cold razor. The bags and dark circles under his eyes showed that he wasn't sleeping well. All he could do was stare. Don’t do it Joseph.

The almost twenty one year old looked around the room quickly. He had made sure locked the door. “Whos there?”

Don’t be too hasty Joseph. You’ll kill everyone you love if you take yourself away from the world. Its a dumb decision to make. You have so much to live for.

He knew that voice all too well. “What do I have to live for? Nothing has been going right in my life. My own mother doesn't even love me?!”

Just then there was a loud knock on the door. Joseph’s eyes widened as he looked at his surroundings. He immediately put the razor back where it belonged and unlocked the door with a faint smile across his lips.

Lewis stood on the other side of the bathroom door with a confused look upon his face. “What were you doing in the bathroom? Is everything all good?”

“I was going to take a shower and then Nick called.” it was all that Joseph had said, he knew his lie would work. Lewis knew his friends situation, there was nothing else to say.

“So, what do you want to do today? I was thinking that we could work out and then get something to eat then hit the club later tonight.” Lewis stated as he looked around the room. He could feel something odd in the air.

Joseph didn't say a word, he just looked at his friend with a blank stare. His voice was as monotone as his stare. “You know, I don't know if I want to go to the club tonight, or anytime soon for that matter. All I seem to do is waste money. I’m up for some food and working out though.”

“Well get changed and then we can do those things.” and once that was said they did just that.

[&&&]

The smell of sweat filled in Joseph’s nostrils as he showered in the gym. He thought back to earlier, when he was in the bathroom. Kevin had been talking to him. He said that he had so much to live for, but if he had so much to live for why did it seem like he was doing nothing. His walls were crumbling down again and he could barely handle it.

Fourteen year old Joseph ran into his house with a frown on his face. “Kevin? Where are you?!”

“I’m right here, what do you want?” he wasn't looking at his brothers face, only at the work in front of him. To Joe it seemed to be all that Kevin did.

“You totally lied to me. Noah did not like me and did not appreciate the nice gesture. She gave me the finger and then walked away. Most girls like me, I don't understand. Love sucks!” Joseph said as he landed on Kevin’s bed.

Kevin, being two years older and slightly wiser, looked at his brother while rolling his eyes. “Not every girl is going to like you Joe, you do know that right? Also with that cocky attitude girls aren't going to want to be with you. It wouldn't matter if you were ugly or good looking, most girls like guys who aren’t jerks.”

“Are you calling me a jerk? All I did was talk to Noah, politely, and then she ended up throwing water in my face.” the sound of Kevin typing made Joseph feel as if his older brother wasn't listening to him. ‘
‘
Kevin looked at his younger brother to see if he was still sitting on his bed. “What did you say to this Noah girl? Did you call her doll, babe, or any names like that?”

It was almost silent, the only sound you could hear was the sound of the keyboard. Kevin knew that by the silence he was right.

“Its not that I did anything wrong Kevin. Do I deserve to have a middle finger practically shoved down my throat. Is it wrong to give a compliment to a girl nowadays?” Joe let out an overexagerated exasperated sigh. He wanted attention.

“Don’t try to be a hot shot Joe, it never works out. In the end, girls don't want bad boys they want a gentleman. Mom has told us that almost all of our lives.” Joseph nodded his head, understanding.

[&&&]

Turning off the water, Joseph dried himself off and changed into some decent clothes. Lewis was on his phone and looked up once he heard his friend. “Are you ready to get some food?”

Both men made their way to Lewis’s car and fled to the nearest most casual place. Music was the only noise that filled the car. It wasn't neither peaceful nor uncomfortable. The two had settled on getting some burgers close to the apartment.

As they sat down on the separate sides of the booth, a young woman smiled as she looked at the brunette to her right. “You look familiar, like I’ve seen you somewhere.”

“I don't think we’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting one another.” Joseph smirked at the young redhead. There was a slight blush forming on her cheeks.

“You look so familiar, like really. Wait, you’re one of those Jonas brothers aren't you? The lead singer, I remember being younger and listening to you.” the girl said with a large smile upon her face.

Joseph looked at the girl with now emotionless eyes, but there was still a smile on his face. He instantly snapped out of it when he realised where he was. “Yes I am and thank you that means a lot t me.

“Well if you need anything just ask, the name is Tamara.” She fluttered her eyelashes Joe while asking the two of them what she could get for them.

“No offense, but that was slightly awkward to watch. It’s like I saw two sides of you in one short conversation. Has anyone ever come up to you and asked questions about your band, after the accident?” Lewis asked with pure curiosity.

He could remember the first two weeks after Kevin’s death almost perfectly. “Hell, that's what I remember it being like.The rumors and accusations were agonizing. Some say I was the reason for my own brother’s death and others said that they knew Kevin was going to kill himself eventually. How can a person live with people saying things like that? Then you have to go out in public and you know those people around you are whispering behind your back. what is wrong with society?”

Tears would solve anything, they hadn't solved anything in a long while. Joseph just looked at the window behind his friend.

His eyes suddenly widened as he was looking out the big window. Joseph thought his eyes were tricking him as he began to squint harder. Lewis glanced behind him to see what was captivating his friends eyesight. “What are you looking at?”

A bell signaled that someone had entered the little diner. Joseph didn't want to believe it what who he thought it was. He had gotten rid of that part of his life.

Her brown hair swept around her face as she began to walk to the counter. It was astonishing to Joseph that she was here. She would have had no reason to come here. Lewis was still bluntly confused about all of what was happening at the moment. All he really did was follow the eyes of his friend.

Her brown orbs darted around the small diner as she looked at all of the customers. She smirked when she saw him. “Joe, just the person I was looking for.”