Cut and Run

Camden had invited us to a party. He said it was a low key kind of thing. Freddy was now spending the afternoon trying to convince me to go. “He said ‘not really a party, more like a bunch of people just hanging out.’ He introduced me to his closest friend, Calvin. Cal is pretty awesome he said tonight’s going to be so much fun! Please, please, please Andi!” she was using her whiny voice. Alex had said he would meet us wherever the ‘party’ ended up. He had some college stuff to take care of.

I ran my brush through my freshly washed and dried hair one last time and set it down before turning the straightener on. “Freddy…” I sighed. I bit my lip and turned to her. She was in my face when I turned around, big eyes shining. I knew she had tried to conjure up a few tears to make her blue eyes sparkle and seem more irresistible. I rolled my eyes. “Fine.”

She screamed and hugged me before she started jumping up and down. She started dancing and turned the music up. The beats and lyrics that made their way from the awesome sound system in my room made up Cascada’s Evacuate the Dancefloor. Freddy began singing along.

“My body is aching system overload! Temperature is raising, I'm about to explode. Watch me I'm intoxicated, taken the show. It got me hypnotized, everybody step aside!” She started dancing more as she made her way into my closet to steal my clothes.

When I was packing to move out of The Nightmare House and moving in with Justin and Aiden, I had sent all of my ugly father approved clothing to Goodwill. Those clothes were rags of evil and I did not want them in my new life.

“Hey Mister DJ come burn this place right down to the ground.” Freddy dropped onto the bed as the song ended and turned it down a little. “I’m taking a nap while you do your hair, gorgeous.”

I rolled my eyes again. “Okay then.”

The beats now coursing through the speakers had a signature to them. Before the lyrics started I knew this was Eminem.

“Yeah, It’s been a ride…I guess i had to go to that place to get to this one. Now some of you might still be in that place. If you’re trying to get out, just follow me. I’ll get you there.” I spoke the first words with him, feeling them inside of me. My heart quickened. This song…amazing.

“Cause ain’t no way I’m let you stop me from causing mayhem. When I say I’ma do something I do it, I don’t give a damn what you think, I’m doing this for me. So f*ck the world.” As Eminem kept rapping, my mind started spinning.

What the hell was I doing? Always getting so depressed and hurt. “I’ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly. And all those who look down on me I’m tearing down your balcony.” So my father was a douche and ruined my childhood and teen years. Yeah that sounds depressing in itself, but maybe I was approaching this wrong. Why would I do it this way?

“Relax, I ain’t going back to that now. All I’m trying to say is get back, click-clack BLAOW. Cause I ain’t playin’ around. There’s a game called circle and I don’t know how. I’m way too up to back down. But I think I’m still trying figure this crap out. Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn’t. This f*cking black cloud’s still follow’s me around. But it’s time to exercise these demons, these motherfu*kers are doing jumping jacks now!”

That’s it. These bad thoughts, demons, whatever, inside of me were trying to destroy me. They were crushing me from the inside. They were trying to make me give up. Well that black cloud is leaving. That thing is gone. Starting now.

“And I just can’t keep living this way. So starting today, I’m breaking out of this cage. I’m standing up, Imma face my demons. I’m manning up, Imma hold my ground. I’ve had enough, now I’m so fed up. Time to put my life back together right now.”

I was smiling. Just the thought of not being depressed anymore was making me smile. It was lifting me up already. This was what had to happen. I could do this! I could be happy again! Back to the day I was skipping inside with my lollipop, asking to go to a friends house. Just rewind and add a few years. I could redo it. I could pretend it never happened. No. I wouldn’t do that. That would probably backfire. But I could piece my life back together.

I spoke the last few lines with Eminem. “I’m not afraid to take a stand. Everybody come take my hand. We’ll walk this road together, through the storm. Whatever weather, cold or warm. Just let you know that, you’re not alone. Holler if you feel like you’ve been down the same road.”

“Hell yes.” I grinned and began working on my hair again as an Avenged Sevenfold song began to play.

*****

Paramore’s Brick by Boring Brick was playing as Freddy let Camden in. We were fully make-up-ed and dressed. My hair was straightened and my bangs hung against my forehead except for a few pieces on the right side which I held back with two bobby pins. I had on a new pair of dark shorts and a cream colored lacy tanktop, but layered over the fanciness of it, a button up orange based floral print shirt and a gray scarf. I stole Freddy’s brown gladiator sandals and two inch thick rubber bracelets on my right wrist. The one with the most scars still visible. One was dark orange and the other was dark blue.

But Camden’s eyes were all over Freddy. Her blonde curls were defined by hairspray. She was borrowing my gray tanktop. The straps came around from the back and were made from rope material. She wore light blue jean shorts. A gold band about three inches long wrapped around her wrist with a print of a black bird on it. She had on my gold and silver flats.

“Are you guys ready?” He finally spoke after the initial shock of a Freddy that took her time getting ready wore off.

We nodded. “You bet.”

*****

The first three stops were to pick up Cal, a shorthaired red-head named Isabel, and ginger twins Kate and Max. I called Alex and told him to meet us at Chili’s. We were going to eat and then go bowling and then they said we’d play it out from there. There have been conversations about sitting in the back of Camden’s truck with the giant umbrellas he had taken from work at the bowling alley’s parking lot. But nothing was definite yet.

Freddy was sitting next to Camden, who was driving, and I was next to her. Max was next to me. Needless to say, we were squished.

We met up with another group at Chili’s. A guy nicknamed Hyde, for the obvious reason that he looked like Hyde from That 70’s Show. He had a big rip in the back of his jeans, but didn’t seem to care. A girl, Macy, that was short and wearing a black hoodie, hood up, and was clinging to Hyde. Broderick, a black guy with the whitest attitude, and Red, a tall guy with a crazy head of blonde curls.

So all of us, Hyde, Broderick, Macy, Red, Camden, Freddy, Max, Kate, Cal, Isabel, Alex, and myself were all hijacking the big booth in the corner. We barely fit. We all ordered our drinks and Alex snaked his arm around me. I cuddled closer, one hand on his knee. Everyone was laughing and throwing things and having fun. I was having more fun than I had let myself have in forever. Than my dad let me have. Alex noticed.

“You are smiling genuinely.” He whispered in my ear, brushing my hair aside.

I turned into him and smiled wider. “I’m happy. I really am.”

“I’m glad.” He smiled back.

When I turned around, Freddy was eyeing me, shaking her head. She wanted me to tell him about the baby scare. I shook my head so slightly I barely registered that I had moved at all. I sipped at my Dr. Pepper and tuned into the conversation.

“Its not like he called you fat, Hyde.”

“Whatever.”

Camden chuckled and shook his head. “What do you think Win?” He was speaking to…Freddy. I was startled into looking back at Alex. He shrugged.

Freddy smiled, glad to have Camden including her. “I think that…” she picked up her Sprite and drank some before answering. Nice tactic. “Red called Hyde fat.”

The table busted into laughter. Red was faux gasping in hurt and Hyde’s tiny smile actually broke into a grin. “Thanks Freddy.”

She shook her head and turned to Camden, trying to engage him in a conversation. It worked and suddenly the table dis-included them and turned to Alex and I. For approximately twenty minutes we were bombarded with questions. I was a bit sad when they started asking Alex about college, but then when he mentioned that he would be coming up here as much as possible to see me until I attended the same college, I perked right back up. We could do that! We could totally pull long-distance off.

I was such a happier person today because of what I decided to call the Eminem Revolution.

After dinner and bowling and a trip to Wal-Mart to run around inside, we were all dropped off at our houses. I kissed Alex goodnight as we dropped him off at his car. When Freddy, Camden, and I arrived at Camden Hills, I got out first and quickly, telling Camden goodnight and Freddy that I’d see her inside.

Ten minutes later she ran inside. “OH MY GOSH! HE ASKED ME OUT AND KISSED ME!!” She screamed.

I poked my head out of the shower. “Really?!” She nodded and turned the music up and started spinning in circles, dancing.

This was by far my favorite day in a while…