I Sing Songs About The Past

4 years later

After we moved to Washington, everything from there was a breeze, I left everything in Baltimore behind. It was easy. I made new friends quickly, and the rest of high school was good fun.

And now, here I am. Still currently living with my mother, living a good life, in college, and looking for an apartment so that I can finally move out of this small little house my mom picked out for us when we got here. As soon as we got here, she got help to get sober, and now has been for 3 years.

"Harlow, can you get the paper please?" Mom asked. I nodded and went outside, taking Charles, the German Shepard I got for my 20th birthday with me. We made our way to the mail boxes at the end of the street.

I took the key out of my pocket and searched for 222. I put the key in and turned it. I peaked in and pulled out a couple of envelopes and my mom's monthly subscription to People Magazine. I looked at the cover, it caught my eye.

In big letters it read 'ALEX GASKARTH'S WEDDING: 2 PAGE SPECIAL.’ I opened up the magazine and flipped to the pages covered with pictures of Alex and Amberlynn's 'oh-so fantastic' wedding. My eyes traveled over to the article.

It was announced, that just yesterday rockstar, Alex Gaskarth of All Time Low, got married to his long-time, four year girlfriend, Amberlynn.

The wedding was fantastic and very big. It was in Los Angeles where they are currently living. The wedding was a traditional wedding in an extravagant church that was filled close to seven hundred of their closest family and friends. They reported that they're honeymoon will be in the Caribbean. We hope that they enjoy that. They are such an amazing couple. Any girl that makes this rockstar happy, makes us happy

I waved Charles along, and we went back inside. I sighed and threw the mail down on the counter. My mother smiled at me, as I sat down in a high chair. She picked up the mail looking through the envelopes, and the magazine caught her eye as well.

"Oh honey, don't worry about him. He's just a silly boy, there are plenty of fish in the sea. There's a lot of cute guys at the college, am I right?" she cooed trying to make me feel better. I nodded slightly, my face buried in my hands. I looked at her once again with a weak smile, before going to my room.

I fell into my bed, I covered my eyes with my hands tears cascade down my face and my breaths become shallow. Its only been four years and he is marrying her?

A voice in my head told me of course he is, what did you expect? You left him, stop crying.

But of course I can’t it just hurts too much, he was the first love of my life of course its going to hurt.

Why didn’t he invite me to his wedding? I though silently to myself wondering how could he forget me.

However that voice rung through my head and said, ‘Maybe he couldn’t find you! You ran away from him and all your friends!’

With that I started to cry harder, I flipped over onto my stomach and cried into my pillow there were so many chances to get over him, their was three guys that had asked me out during the four years I was in Washington. All of them were perfect gentlemen, and came from respectable families. Instead of saying yes, I shot each of them down for some stupid unknown reason.

I realize it now all these years I was hoping that I was in fact worth it, that Alex loved me and would go to the ends of the earth for me. I was hoping all these years that one day out of no where Alex was going to find me and show up on my door step saying that he loved me, missed me and most of all wanted me back.

Nonetheless he has moved on, he has found the love of his life and married her, leaving me on my own.

When I was young, before my grandmother walked away, she always told me just this:

"Harlow, when you start loving someone, you will never stop loving that person. You always have a special place in your heart for them, no matter how much you think you hate them, and deny it, it's true."

My grandmother was right, I never stopped loving Alex, and I hope that right now, he wasn't denying his love for me too. Whether it was friendly, or maybe a little more than that. I remember the fun and memories, and stories we had to our relationship perfectly, and maybe, just maybe he remembers them too. Nothing can change or replace what I ever had with Alexander William Gaskarth.