A Dawn I Thought We'd Never See

My head was pounding the second I opened my eyes. I was in a van, a moving van, but not my van. Upon sitting up and wiping my eyes, I found four familiar faces. Two were asleep, one was driving, and one was sitting beside me staring.

“Good morning Em.” Andrew greeted me with a wink and my stomach dropped. I didn’t remember much from last night, but with the way he was looking at me, it couldn’t have been very good.

“What happened last night?” I croaked out and realized how sore and dry my throat was.

“You don’t remember?” There’s clear worry and a bit of hurt in his tone as he turns his body to face me in the small backseat. I shake my head and another splitting pain erupts from the back of my neck. “That’s not good,” he mumbles the words, to himself mostly and then slides closer to me. His hand raises while he talks and gingerly cradles my head. “You fell last night, when we were leaving the Denny’s party. You weren’t bleeding but you were knocked out cold so Robby and I carried you back here and now you’re waking up saying you can’t remember anything. Maybe we should take you to the hospital.” His eyebrows are scrunched together as his fingers prod my skull.

“No, no, no. I’m remembering now. I tripped on a pot hole, right?” I vaguely remembered the asphalt and the laughing and the pain. Andrew nods just as he pushes on the tender spot at the back of my head. I bite my lip to keep the scream in and jam my eyes close.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” I open my eyes and ignore the teary haze that makes everything blurry. I use my hands to pull Andrew’s away from my head and give them a reassuring squeeze.

“Well, we’re almost to the next city. You want to lay back down till we get there?” There’s some shine in his eyes that confuses me for a minute.

“That’d be real nice.” I sigh and rest my head back in his lap. My mind wonders some, trying to remember the gap between my merch tenet and my epic fall, as Andrew plays with my hair. I’ve almost drifted off to sleep again when the van stops moving. I jump out real fast and dizziness over whelms me.

“I really think you should at least stop by the EMT’s and have them look at you.” Andrew studies me.

“I’m fine.” I argue and jerk away from him. I guess I’m just not used to having someone worry over me like this. Vee and I take care of each other, but I haven’t had a guy act like this in quite a while.

“Alright.” I can tell I’ve hurt his feelings form the way he says the one word. “I’ll se you later.” I feel guilty as he waves and turns around to his band mates. I mumble goodbyes to everyone and trudge away with my mind constantly going. When did I become such a bitch?

After five minutes of self pity, I stop and realize I’m at Warped Tour without a phone or a single clue as to where Victoria is. I grumble a few curses under my breath before I start walking again, looking for her.

“Emily?” Relief washes over me at a familiar voice. I turn to it and find Alex Gaskarth standing in front of a huge bus. There’s a chill that runs through me because of the way he’s looking at me.

“Oh my god, Alex! You have no idea how happy I am to see you.” I hug him and at first he’s tense. Then he loosens up and squeezes me back.

“You have a rough night?” He laughs but it’s strained as I pull back and look at him.

“You’ve got no clue. I can’t remember anything because I apparently fell and cracked my head, and now I don’t know where Victoria is.” Tears were starting to prickle as the mess of my life weighs down on me. His expression is overtaken by sympathy and a seriousness I’ve never seen on him.

“It’s okay Em,” his arm wrapped around my waist and I bury my face in his shoulder. “Come on the bus. You can call Vee from there and it’ll all be fine.” He tugs me a bit and I sniffle as I raise my head.

“I haven’t had much control on my emotions this morning.” A bitter choking sound comes out of my throat and I realize I’m trying to laugh. Alex squeezes me to him again as he opens the door.

“It happens, babe, it happens.” His voice is surprisingly soothing. I let him lead me to the back of the bus, past the weird stares, and then take the phone he hands me.

Alex leaves me alone for some privacy but Victoria didn’t answer her phone. I left her a message telling her where I was and that I was okay. I could only imagine the yelling I was going to get when she found me.

I sat in the back for a few more minutes by myself just thinking. It seemed everyone was giving me weird looks and talking to me funny this morning. “Oh dear,” I exhaled as I remembered a little of my conversation with Andrew. Everyone must still think Oliver’s my boyfriend. “Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.”

“I know I’m hot shit, but there’s no reason to fret, doll.” Jack laughs as he falls onto the couch beside me. He’s got his big goofy grin on as he sprawls out on the couch, resting his feet on my lap. “How’s little Emily doing?” He teases but I groan.

“Absolutely awful.” I cross my arms and pout.

“Didn’t look like you were feeling awful last night.” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and suddenly I feel sick.

“What do you mean?” I dreaded asking, but I had to know. Jack stopped suggesting and scrunched his eyebrows together.

“What do you mean, what do I mean?” He leaned forward on his elbows.

“I’ll dish if you dish.” I proposed and then giggled as he grabbed my feet and pulled them onto his chest.

“Gossip time!” He sounded like a thirteen year old girl as he sat up straighter. I rolled my eyes and rested my head back. “You first!”

“What exactly am I supposed to talk about?” I closed my eyes and tried to relax the knot in my stomach. It didn’t work.

“Are you really Oliver’s girlfriend?”

“No!” It exploded out of my lips and Jack looked relieved. I repeated it, more for my own reassurance than his. “I am not, nor have I been, involved with Oliver Sykes.”

“Good,” Jack nodded and looked off, “but bad.” He made a face. “Everybody thinks you guys are a thing.”

“So I’ve heard,” I grumbled and crossed my arms over his feet. “Now tell me what you saw last night.”

“For starters, I saw you.” I narrowed my eyes. “And that guy who looks like he’s forty.”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Andrew?”

“Yep,” Jack popped the ‘p’ and my stomach dropped.

“And?” I prompted after two seconds of silence.

“And you really don’t remember? I mean, I know you were acting a little crazy, but I didn’t think you were drunk or anything . . .” he trailed off.

“I wasn’t drunk, I’m just clumsy. After the Denny’s incident, I was walking in the parking lot and fell. Apparently I blacked out and now I’ve got a huge ass bump at the back of my head and some of my memory’s gone!” I threw my hands up, exasperated, and then let them fall on my face, covering it.

Jack let out a low whistle. “That’s rough.”

“Yeah, I know. Now will you tell me what the hell I did?”

“You made out with him.” Jack rushed the words out and then winced. We fell into complete silence while my mouth fell open and my eyes widened.

I slowly dropped my hands and stared blankly. “Dear God.”

Jack sighed. “It’s not that bad, Em. There were only a few bands around that saw and, you know it takes days to spread rumors.”

“We both know it takes a total of three hours for rumors to start on this damn tour.” I sounded bitter, and hell I was. This is absolutely ridiculous. My life was just fine before Oliver Sykes walked into it.

Now I’m randomly making out with boys and breaking every personal rule I made and I am the center of gossipers subjects. It’s insane.

“Hey Em,” Alex called me softly from the bunk hall. It snapped me out of my brooding. “Vee’s waiting for you outside.” He looked a little uncomfortable as he thumb-pointed over his shoulder.

I nodded and stood up with a small sigh, sending Jack a look. Alex pulled me into a hug as I went to pass him, and he squeezed me.

“We’re here for you Em, if you need anything.” Jack patted my back while I dug my face into Alex’s neck. It was a nice feeling, a comforting feeling.

“Thanks.” I mumbled the word into Alex’s shirt and then pulled away from both of them. The sad looks on their faces made me laugh a little. “Spread the truth for me, will ya?”

“Course.” Jack gave a tight smile before I turned.

I found it odd that I’d never noticed how people actually cared for me. Keeping my distance hadn’t just hurt my love life, but it’d hurt my friendships too. I sighed, thinking about how I’m going to have to change my rules, and head off the bus. Victoria was waiting for me, red faced and hands on her hips.