What If You Stay?

It’s been three days since I got the news of my father and I was able to come home the day after I got the news, I immediately started packing remembering that when my parents made their will, I was to be taken in by my mom’s eldest brother Rector and his wife Lisa. They also live on the family’s horse ranch in Tennessee meaning that I would be going back to the same place where my mom was killed.

During those three days, I also haven’t really talked to anyone, aside from Jerry to tell them that I was moving back to my hometown so I had to quit. Paul was over every day almost all day and tried to get me to talk to him, but I never uttered a word to him or give him a glance unless he was directly there in front of me, when he does I walk around him. I knew it was breaking his heart to see me like this and even me acting the way I was because it was also killing me, but I just couldn’t stop myself from doing so. I had done the same thing after my mom died except worse.

Currently I was alone, moving the boxes that I had packed so far to the front door for my Uncle Rector to pack in the truck and trailer when he arrives shortly. Setting a box of my dad’s clothes at the front door, there was a knock on the front door and I opened it expecting to see my uncle, but instead I saw Paul which was weird because lately he has been coming through my bedroom window.

I looked away from his eyes seeing how torn apart I was making him and with the fact that I was moving back to Tennessee on the other side of the country. Sighing, my heart clenched as tears began to develop much to my dismay. I tried fighting them back, but it was no use and I broke down crying, sobbing as well. Paul quickly wrapped me up in his arms letting me cry into his chest knowing how hurt I was and I was trying to keep strong. I just let myself melt into his side and just continued to cry silently wishing that this was all a dream and I would wake up beside Paul again to start over to a better day.

Paul picked me up bridal style and carried me over toward the sofa to sit down with my in his lap. I just curled up against him trying to take deep breathes to calm down but it was hard to do so. Paul began to softly whisper to me to try to help me calm down which surprisingly was beginning to work. I gripped onto the front of his sleeveless shirt burying my face into his chest.

Sooner than I wanted to, I heard the sound of a truck pull into the driveway and I knew it was my Uncle Rector. I gripped Paul tighter not want to go anywhere without him. Footsteps were heard coming into the house and I didn’t dare to look up at my uncle knowing that it wouldn’t be long until I would be leaving this town to head back to my hometown not knowing when or if I will be back.

“Colb?” I heard my uncle’s voice as footsteps got closer to Paul and me. I pulled away from Paul’s chest to look up at my Uncle Rector who was eyeing the two of us, but mostly Paul. “Are you almost ready?” he asked, never once looking away from Paul.

“Almost.” I answered quietly as I wiped my face free of tears. “There are a few more things that I need to pack in dad’s room and mine.”

“Okay. I’ll do your dad’s room. Where is it?”

“The room on the left.” I said nodding toward the hallway.

Uncle Rector nodded giving Paul one last glance before walking down the hallway with his boots thumping against the hardwood floor. Sighing, I stood up from Paul’s lap and began to walk down the hallway to my new/old room to finish packing my things. I started to box up the pictures that I had in my room, already have the ones from the living room, dad’s room and hallway boxed up, but stopped at a family picture that I had that was taken not long before my mom was killed.

More tears started to build up and I practically threw the picture in the box until I felt a hand around my arm. I looked over to see Paul with a hurt expression that made me believe that he was about to cry if he was even able to. He released my arm and used his hands to cup my cheeks to pull me in to press our foreheads together.

“Please don’t leave me.” Paul begged shutting his eyes tightly as if to try to fight back tears. “Please don’t go back to Tennessee. Away from me.”

As much as I tried to hold back stronger tears that were threatening to break loose, I couldn’t. “I don’t want to go either Paul, and I’m sorry, but that’s where my family is. It’s where I need to be right now especially at a time like this. I need my family.”

“But I need you.” Paul nearly wailed. “I can’t live without you, Colby.” he whispered stepping toward me to wrap his arm around my waist and pressed his forehead against mine. “I . . . I love you.”

My heart scattered into pieces telling me that I loved him too, but it was going to kill the both of us with me going back to Tennessee. I pulled away from him to cover my face as more tears spilled from my eyes nearly afraid to look at him. “Paul, you’re not helping.” I muttered into my hands.

“Don’t you love me back?” he asked moving my hands from my face for me to look at him. That question felt like a stab in the heart like he didn’t know me after spending all of this time together since the day we meet. Paul sighed deeply turning around about to walk out of the room when I finally opened my mouth.

“Of course I do.” I answered hysterically which got Paul to turn around to face me. “How could you ask that?”

“Because you’re leaving me, Colby. What was I supposed to think or say?”

“Something that didn’t sound like a flipping knife in the heart!” I snapped causing Paul to flinch. “I’m sorry, Paul, but I have to go back to Tennessee.”

It was silent for a minute before Paul asked, “What if you stay?” I stood there and stared at him not sure if I exactly heard him correctly. He must have sensed what I was thinking because he asked again. “What if you stay? Stay with me, Colby.”