Cross My Heart

We hadn't heard from Keith in a few weeks. We went over to his apartment, knocked on the door repeatedly, and there was never any answer. When we called him, we would get his voice mail. Everyone else was completely worried about him. I knew that Keith would never do anything stupid. He never wanted to be the one who caused so much grief and depression of his friends. He knew a few people who had committed suicide, and he knew the effect it had on people, so he didn't want to do that to anyone. Especially his family. Keith didn't have many friends, due to Olivia's once short leash, but now he could go make friends, even if he didn't want to right now.

It was Brandon's funeral, and I felt like I had to go. Not because he was my cousin, because I wanted to support Keith. Keith was more like a brother to me than anything. I felt like I had to be there for him. I knew Josline was going as well. Marque wanted to go, because he had gotten so close to Keith from touring and working with him so much.

“Why do I not have any black clothing?” I exclaimed from the bedroom.

“I don't know. Why don't you?” Marque called back.

“Because...I don't know! That's why I was asking you.” I pulled a black t-shirt out of the closet and then threw it on the ground. “I can't wear a t-shirt! That's just tacky at a funeral!”

“Josline said that it was more of a casual service than a funeral.” Marque said, coming into the bedroom. He was wearing a black dress shirt and dark wash jeans. His hair was sticking up in every which direction.

“Where the hell did you get that shirt?” I asked Marque.

“You gave it to me. About 3 years ago.” Marque said.

“Oh...that's right. I did.” I frowned and then turned back to the closet. Marque walked up behind me, wrapping his arms around me. Marque wasn't that much shorter than me. I was 6'4”, Marque was about 5'11”.

“Why don't you wear a pair of jeans, a nice white shirt, and your black army jacket?” Marque suggested. I turned around in his arms.

“What would I do without you?” I kissed his forehead, and his face crinkled up.

“Suffer miserably?” Marque smiled at me.

“Most likely.” I turned around again and got out the clothes Marque had suggested for me. I quickly put those on and walked into the bathroom to deal with my bed head. “Marque, do you know if this service-funeral-thing, is in a church?”

“No, it's at a service hall.” Marque said, walking into the bathroom to try to flatten out his hair.

“I really hope Keith is going to be there.” I said.

“Why wouldn't he be? It's his brother's service-funeral-thing.” Marque quoted me.

“Maybe he just can't bring himself to go?” I said.

“Maybe...”

We drove to the service hall, and I saw Josh's car there. He must of come to give Josline a bit of support. As well as Keith. Josline seemed pretty shook up about it more than anyone else, aside from Keith. Josline never dealt with death very well. Marque and I walked into the hall. It was a small, but it gave a comforting feel. I saw Josline and Josh. They were Finley-less. I tugged on Marque's shirt and made him follow, but he soon saw what I saw. Josline saw us coming towards her and Josh. She stopped her conversation with Josh and hugged me as soon as I stopped walking. I hugged her tightly, rubbing her back slightly. When she let go of me, she smiled at me. Obviously, she hadn't been getting much sleep. Having a 5 month old and worrying about Keith obviously didn't mix well. Not any words were exchanged between my sister and I. She just went on to hug Marque. I looked at Josh, then I hugged him as well.

“Where's Finley?” I asked once all the hugs were exchanged.

“Jazz and Matt are looking after him right now.” Josh said. I just nodded. I noticed there was a small podium pushed against the far wall. Then, I noticed someone walking towards it. It was Keith. I smiled, relieved, that he actually showed up. Keith cleared his throat, and mostly everyone in the hall had stopped what they were doing. I noticed that a lot of my distant family was here, like my mom's brothers and one other sister. I didn't see mom any where, however. She always had a way of being incognito, so no one could find her. Didn't help that she was short.

“Can I get everyone's attention?” Keith's voice echoed out through the small place. “I just wanted to thank all of you for making time in your most likely busy schedules to be here. “ Keith said. He sounded like death. “If you all don't mind, I'd just like to say a few things.” Keith said. I saw most people just nod for Keith to go on. “As you know, Brandon was my brother. He was also a son, friend, nephew and all around, a genuine person. Yes, he had his flaws, like he drank too much, but that didn't stop him from actually being a brother. I did have problems with him in the past, I wont deny that. I'm pretty sure everyone had a problem with him at some point.” Keith stopped for a second to sigh. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Josline was crying slightly. Josh must have noticed too, because he put an arm around her shoulder, and she stopped crying almost immediately. “I remember, when Brandon and I were little, he tried to tie me to a tree when I was visiting family in England. I can't remember what we were doing, but I just remember that he tied me to a tree. He was laughing about it, and I was maybe 4 at the time, so I didn't know what was going on. Brandon left me there for a good half hour. Then it started raining, and pretty hard too. By the way, when does it NOT rain in England?” Keith smiled lightly. A few people chuckled. “Anyways, Brandon came out and untied me, and he told me, 'I'm sorry I left you out here. That was mean of me.' That is the only memory I really have of Brandon and I getting along.” Keith stopped again. “Man, I'm making it sound like we are at a funeral here. To sum it all up, Brandon was my brother, and despite our big differences, I love him. And I hope that he knows that, where ever he is.” Keith stepped away from the podium and walked off to the side. I left Marque, Josh and Josline briefly to go find Keith. I was stopped by family members who I hadn't seen since I was 12. The only reason they recognized me was because I looked almost identical to my dad.
I did see my parents there. I had no clue they were actually going to be there. Dad was looking a bit grey, mom was still short. Once I had finally finished talking to them, I continued on my quest for Keith. He was standing there with Josie. Some one I definitely didn't expect to be there. I noticed, from a distance, that their hands were together. I was confused for a split second, then I felt this wave of happiness wash over me. I walked up to Keith, and he let Josie's hand drop. He looked at me a few seconds. Then, he hugged me. I hugged him back, and I felt him cry a little.

And for the first time in the few weeks I had been home, everything had finally sunk in. This was real. This was all happening. For the first time in the few weeks I had been home, I cried.