Never Fall

The sweet aroma filled the kitchen air as Kayla pulled the pieces of waffles out of the toaster and onto two plates. She carefully poured a small amount of syrup onto the first plate before dousing the second in the sweet liquid. She then carried the plates over to the dinner table, setting the second plate in front of her younger brother, Ethan. A quick midday snack for the brat.

She sat herself down across from him, holding a fork loosely between her fingers. But not long after he had stuffed the first piece of sweetness into his mouth, he stood up and grabbed his plate. “Power Rangers!” he yelled with his mouth full, before he ran into the living room.

Kayla chuckled, yelling after him, “Don’t make a sticky mess or mom will kill you.” Shaking her head, she turned back to her snack, slowly picking the squares apart. Another quiet day, another moment left alone in her thoughts. They were nice, sometimes, but for the most part, they felt like her worst enemy.

What happened to the better days? What happened to the senior year that was supposed to be fun and exciting? The end of the school year was coming, with prom approaching in a week and graduation two weeks after. This was not how she had imagined her year to end. God, it had all gone so perfectly before.

Sucking on the syrup coating her fork, Kayla picked up the magazine that her mother had left laying on the table, casually flipping through it. She heard heavier footsteps walk through the house - a pair of heels, followed by the sound of jingling keys and a groan eliciting from Ethan, probably by their mother blocking his view of the television. Kayla shook her head with a small smile. The typical evening.

“Hey, Kay,” Mrs. Adams greeted once she entered the kitchen, tying her dark hair up in a ponytail. “Why the long face?”

“Bored, as usual.” Kayla shrugged, not bothering to look up from the latest gossip on the page. “How was your day?”

“Busy, as usual,” her mother mimicked with a short laugh. “Done anything interesting on this fine Saturday.”

“Nope,” the teenager replied bluntly with a shake of her head. “I’m about to go practice, that’s about it. Ethan played video games all day, and I just... chilled.” She shrugged once more.

“You’re a lazy bum.” Her mother laughed. “Remember when you were actually somewhat productive?”

Kayla muttered, “Yeah, me too.”

“So? No big plans? Prom’s coming up - soon, if I remember correctly. Aren’t you and your girlfriends supposed to be shopping and get all pretty and gossiping and stuff?” She leaned against the table near Kayla, a small smile present on her lips. If it hadn’t bothered her before, it bothered her now, to see her daughter lock herself inside the house every weekend, every day.

Kayla looked up at her, an eyebrow raised with a small crooked smile. “Mom,” she started sharply, playful, “you know I don’t hangout with my girlfriends. You know that, we all know that.”

“Okay,” she gave in easily, laughing softly. “Then what about Caleb? How’s he been? I haven’t seen him around at all.” Thirteen years. So strange to see him suddenly... disappear from her house.

Another shrug and Kayla looked away. “You know, he got a girlfriend and all,” she spoke nonchalantly. That’s the way this whole thing should’ve been: nonchalant. But of course, that’s not what she feels at all. It still bothered her to that very day; the lack of seeing him, talking to him, the fact that their friendship continued to take its downward spiral.

“Oh?” Her mother raised her perfect eyebrows, clearly surprised - not that he had found a girlfriend, but at the sudden realization that that may have been the whole problem behind this change in her daughter. “Well, that’s good for him,” she commented, watching as the younger girl nodded. “So again, what about prom? Isn’t he supposed to take you?” she questioned.

A small clank was heard as Kayla held back from setting her fork down with force, a bit irritated at the topic. “Mom, he has a girlfriend. He’s probably going to take her- like he should.” It was expected; it’s a general rule in high school. Austin’s going to take his newfound girlfriend, so by right, Caleb should take his - to her prom.

“But honey, what if it’s not on the same night?” She could sense that her daughter was getting upset, and she just wanted to make things better, to calm her down a bit.

“Trust me,” Kayla let out a short, bitter chuckle, “It’s on the same night. I’ve heard nothing but ‘prom night with Caleb’ from Audrey for the past month at the studio.” It was sickening, absolutely aggravating to listen to Audrey practically gush about him.

“Audrey? He’s dating Audrey?” Mrs. Adams laughed but quickly stopped when she saw the subtle eye roll Kayla had given. “Okay but- Kay, you have been looking towards this night for so long. You guys had it planned out and everyth--”

“So?” Kayla interrupted. “Why should it matter anymore?” She tried to keep her smile up but she knew that her eyes and eyebrows betrayed her. “He’s spent the past few months just all about Audrey. I shouldn’t- I don’t matter anymore. I’m not his priority, mom,” she told her, smile faltering slowly as she stood up and brought her plate over to the trash can.

Not his priority. It sounded much worse when she said it, but only that way did she realize how low she was actually on his priorities list now. The way it hurts to realize, the way it hurts to be forgotten. She knew she was being thought of less and less. She remembered when he did everything for her, when she really was his first priority out of all of his friends.

Truthfully, she had been looking forward to prom and graduation the most since senior year started. She had been looking forward to going with him, to be all dressed up and beautiful, and be there with her best friends. Then afterwards, go back home with him spending the night, reminiscing on the last of their carefree years before they were sent off to college. She had imagined it all, and had told him everything.

“Okay.” Mrs. Adams instantly stopped. “What about Dylan?”

“Dylan’s nice,” Kayla replied softly, dumping the content of her plate into the trash can before placing her plate in the sink. “I might go with him but I know what you’re thinking, and no, I see him as nothing more than a friend,” she told her with ease, turning back around to face her and leaning against the sink.

“Okay, well, I didn’t mean to upset you, honey.” Her mother gave her an apologetic smile. “I just wanted to know what was going on.”

A sigh slipped past Kayla’s lips as she shrugged again. “Sorry. I’mma just- go practice,” she ended softly, excusing herself.

Kayla quickly jogged past her mother and into her room, locking the door behind her. She got changed into a pair of leggings, followed by a leotard before she pulled her white ballet pointe shoes on. She stood in front of the mirror, gazing at her face as she pulled her auburn hair into a high ponytail.

Her heart was heavy again and racing, her hands a bit shaky from trying to hold back the outburst that had threatened to spill to her mother. She couldn’t let herself lose control; she needed a release, something to get her mind off of Caleb. She was never one to be upset or get so angry and when she did, there was always one thing to occupy her: dancing.

Dancing gave her a release. It gave her discipline and a physical outlet to release those horrible chemicals. It has been her escape, even more so these past few months

Unlocking her door again, Kayla went down to the basement, where her parents had allowed her to make her own little makeshift practice area. It wasn’t an ideal space - cramped with the only source of natural lighting coming from the small window above - but it was better than nothing.

Kayla plugged in the little stereo she had down there, a soft and soothing classical music beginning to play. Her eyes stared up above her at the window, watching as the specks of dust flowed through the air while she stretched, warming her body up. It felt good to do something instead of just sit around like she had been doing the whole day, watching her younger brother. Nothing but her in that basement, and the soft music playing.

Nothing but her and her thoughts. What a contagious thing.

She did a few plies, a few weak jumps here and there. She was trying hard to get into it, to just lose herself like she so often easily did. Then she remembered a piece that she had to practice, and possibly perfect in a few short weeks. So she moved onto that, deciding that she would be fine if she just puts all of her focus into those precise movements.

But it didn’t work. With every failed grand jete, with every failed kick and every failed timing, she heard words of encouragement in her head - past memories. Memories of the times that Caleb and her mother would push her to do better, to get up and try again - that she can do it and will do it. The times that he would hold her up until she could stand still on the tips of those damned pointe shoes, the times he would help her perfect her leg extension, her hip turnouts, her hold on multiple pirouettes. The fun times when he would watch her rehearse and mock her, performing his own horrible attempts at dancing.

And then Audrey started coming into those memories. Instead of seeing herself, she saw Audrey with her in the studio, and then Caleb. Audrey looking gorgeous and Caleb next to her, talking to her and focusing on just her with a little glint in his brown eyes. Caleb helping Audrey warm up, adding a few pre-class pointers that he used to give to his best friends; silly antics he used to do to calm her pre-show jitters. It used to be her; it used to be Kayla.

Kayla got up on her toes, about to execute one of the bigger pirouettes in the routine but she hadn’t been paying attention to her stance. Her ankle gave out to the side and a terrifying crack met her ears as she spun, causing her to tumble to the ground with a loud gasp. Her breath began to shorten and she instantly bit her lip, her hazel eyes flooding over with tears.

She sat up and clutched onto her ankle, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried to hold back the tears and whimpers. She called for her mother, before resting her forehead against her bent knee, the pain quickly spreading through her leg. She tried to take in deep breaths and keep calm, though she was anything but calm.

It was all coming out - the tears, the cries, the whimpers, the anger. Everything that she has ever held in. She thought she could handle it, she thought she could handle everything. But it was all slipping away from her. Stupid, stupid; she had been taking care of herself so well. With this now happening, she didn’t know what else to do with herself.

Everything that had ever been important to her. It was all because of him, and yet, she couldn’t help but wish for him to be that one person there to comfort her in that very moment.