Status: Comments = Way More Updates. Pinky Promise.
Finding Myself
three.
I was told to stay in the hospital for another night. They ran pregnancy tests and CAT scans before I was even conscious, so I got the results before I even knew I had results. I was in tip-top shape physically, but not mentally.
The only thing that was bugging me was the dirtiness I felt all over me. My pride, reason, my goals, and self esteem were coated with self guilt. I didn't want to tell anyone...telling someone would sure get me a one way ticket to the shrinks office.
I sat in my room after the day was settling down. I was looking outside at the shadows all the buildings created. Every crease, highlight in grey.
I put on the television to kill some time. Pictures of the hottest celebrity pasted all over the screen, highlighting her every move. Poor girl. I turned off the TV, not bothering to even check the other channels.
I started gazing outside the window again, watching life happen.
I sighed. "Must've been boring today. Sorry I didn't come earlier," I recognized his voice.
"Very boring. Now come here and entertain me please?," My eyes watered for no reason.
"Are you going to start crying?" he asked out flatly.
"I don't know. Maybe," I said surprisingly calm. I was still gazing out toward the rooftops and shadows.
"I think you should cry, let it all out," he said. He took a seat in a chair next to me.
I turned to look at him. He was leaned back on the chair looking at his interlocked hands resting on his stomach. He looked up to find me staring, I looked away as innocently as I thought I could.
I turned my head slightly and did what he said, I cried. I put my hands to my face. Then the weight on the bed shifted, he was sitting on the bed also, I moved my hands to look at him.
"It's alright. Just cry it out," he assured me. So I kept on crying until my eyes were red and puffy and my nose was runny. He put his hand on my shoulder and started to make small circles.
I was oddly comfortable with this scenario. We've barely had a conversation, ever, yet I felt like he knew so much already. I rested my head on his chest, "thanks." Then I let the ever darks shadows of my dream take me away...
------------
When I awoke it was 2 AM. And Matt was sleeping too, next to me. I struggled to move my arm gently. It was too late, he noticed and got up.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pass out," he jumped off the bed. "I, I'm sorry." He repeated.
"It's not a problem," I reassured him. "I'm surprised nobody came and gave us hell," I tried to joke lightly.
"I'm sorry I barely talk. This is how I get...," he went on. "I've been like this for awhile," he said looking uncomfortable.
That's How You Get What? The Urge To Know What That Meant Made Me Curious.
"What do you mean? You get like this? What?" I asked.
The only thing that was bugging me was the dirtiness I felt all over me. My pride, reason, my goals, and self esteem were coated with self guilt. I didn't want to tell anyone...telling someone would sure get me a one way ticket to the shrinks office.
I sat in my room after the day was settling down. I was looking outside at the shadows all the buildings created. Every crease, highlight in grey.
I put on the television to kill some time. Pictures of the hottest celebrity pasted all over the screen, highlighting her every move. Poor girl. I turned off the TV, not bothering to even check the other channels.
I started gazing outside the window again, watching life happen.
I sighed. "Must've been boring today. Sorry I didn't come earlier," I recognized his voice.
"Very boring. Now come here and entertain me please?," My eyes watered for no reason.
"Are you going to start crying?" he asked out flatly.
"I don't know. Maybe," I said surprisingly calm. I was still gazing out toward the rooftops and shadows.
"I think you should cry, let it all out," he said. He took a seat in a chair next to me.
I turned to look at him. He was leaned back on the chair looking at his interlocked hands resting on his stomach. He looked up to find me staring, I looked away as innocently as I thought I could.
I turned my head slightly and did what he said, I cried. I put my hands to my face. Then the weight on the bed shifted, he was sitting on the bed also, I moved my hands to look at him.
"It's alright. Just cry it out," he assured me. So I kept on crying until my eyes were red and puffy and my nose was runny. He put his hand on my shoulder and started to make small circles.
I was oddly comfortable with this scenario. We've barely had a conversation, ever, yet I felt like he knew so much already. I rested my head on his chest, "thanks." Then I let the ever darks shadows of my dream take me away...
------------
When I awoke it was 2 AM. And Matt was sleeping too, next to me. I struggled to move my arm gently. It was too late, he noticed and got up.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pass out," he jumped off the bed. "I, I'm sorry." He repeated.
"It's not a problem," I reassured him. "I'm surprised nobody came and gave us hell," I tried to joke lightly.
"I'm sorry I barely talk. This is how I get...," he went on. "I've been like this for awhile," he said looking uncomfortable.
That's How You Get What? The Urge To Know What That Meant Made Me Curious.
"What do you mean? You get like this? What?" I asked.
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