Sobriquet

“Anything new, Liam?” My father’s voice always haunted me since I was little. It was deep, dark, and murderous. Almost like it could cut through metal. There was nothing wrong with my dad per se. It was just the emptiness in his voice, in his eyes; in the way that he was… it just bothered me.

“Anything new? Not really.” I took a bite out of my chicken.

“What about the girls? I passed my Steven the other day and he told me how popular you were with the gals.”

Gals. Who the hell says ‘gals’?

“Uh… no girls actually. Well,” My dad’s ears perked up. Liam are you this big of an idiot to tell them about Minnie? Are you? Really?’ “There is this one girl.”

“What’s her name, honey?” My mom spoke up, dipping her chicken in her mashed potatoes.

“Minnie.” I smiled. “Minnie Baltimore.”

“What’s she like?”

“She’s… beautiful. Honestly, she’s really beautiful. She’s very smart, very sweet…” I blinked a couple of times realizing what I was telling my parents. “But… yeah.”

“She sounds darling. Bring her home for dinner one of these days.” My dad ate one last piece of chicken and stood up, placing his handkerchief on the plate. “Thank you for the dinner honey, it was wonderful.”

I didn’t eat after that. I just sat there, considering the idea.

☁☁☁

“What the hell happened, Minnie?” I grabbed her shoulders, shaking her as her head wobbled back and forth. “What the fuck happened to you?” She didn’t answer.

I stopped shaking her, shifting my left hand and placing it on top of her recently bandaged right eye. Her lips were cracked and her skin looked pale. She didn’t speak. She didn’t even look at me with her good eye. I caressed her cheek as she brought her arms around my neck, going up on her toes to do so. I held her until she started to cry.

☁☁☁

“Hey honey,” My mom kissed my cheek as I walked into the living room, my eyes moving from my mother to my father who were now sitting on the couch waiting for me to sit down in front. “Sit. We need to talk.”

“Okay…” I sat down reluctantly on the chair, feeling slightly uncomfortable. Scratch that out. Very uncomfortable.

“Well… your friend Minnie… I asked around about her to a couple of people and I found quite a couple of interesting things about her.”

Fuck. If this has anything to do with her abusive dad, I will seriously have to start making up some good story now before I am banned forever from her.

“Sweetie… Minette Harrison… Minnie… that person died two years ago in a car crash.”

That was probably the first time that I had ever felt the feeling of something breaking inside of me. It wasn’t my heart. It wasn’t anything that I could physically reach inside of me and tear out.

It was the perfect image of Minnie and me sitting in the beach that was being torn apart.

☁☁☁

“What is your name?” I sat down in front of her, as she cocked her head to the side.

“Minnie. You know this already silly.” She laughed, poking my cheek. I grabbed her hand before she could pull away. She frowned but didn‘t move. “Wha-… what are you,”

“Who are you?” I interrupted. “Who are you, because according to everyone else you’re not Minnie. At least, that’s not your name. So just tell me who you are.”

“Minnie. My name is Minnie. Want me to spell it out for you?” She muttered sourly, tearing her hand away and standing up. “M-I-N-N-I-E, Minnie.”

“Stop it!” I stood up. “Stop lying. What the hell is your real name? Just tell me already! Who the fuck are you because Minette Harrison is dead. She died. Two years ago she died in goddamn car crash along with her mother and her sister. I saw the damn paperwork and I saw your picture in the carpet, dead. Dead. Not alive. So you have to be some sort of illusion or something because I‘m obviously losing my mind. Or maybe you‘re just lying to me.”

“Shut the hell up! You don’t know anything!” She yelled out walking away from me. I grabbed onto her wrist before she could keep going. “Let go now!”

“No! Not until you tell me your name. Your real name.” I hissed.

She kept trying to pull away, tears forming at the corner of her blue eye. I still couldn’t get over the fact that the other one was bandaged and she never told me how it got hurt in the first place. I was sick of being lied to. I was sick of her keeping secrets from me. I was just sick of it all. “Let me go! Please! Just let me go…” She fell on her knees. “My name is Minnie… let me go… dammit… Liam…”

“No. I won’t let you go. I won’t ever let you go.” I let myself fall in front of her, letting go of her wrist and placing my hands on her wet cheeks. We were now soaked, the cold waves hitting us hard. “No. Stop lying to me. Just tell me what is wrong. I told you everything about me. Every little thing. Can’t you even tell me your name?”

She stared into my eyes, bottom lip quivering. “I’m not lying.”

I stood up, letting go of her and walked away. I couldn’t even bare to look at her anymore.

☁☁☁

It was like time had actually, literally stopped. Everything I touched turned cold. Not even my goddamn clock ticked for me, not even once. I couldn’t lift up my body for anything besides crapping. It was like not only had she lost her identity in my eyes but I had also lost mine.

“Sweetie?” Mom knocked on the door gently; twisting the knob and taking one peek inside to my still body now lying in between sheets. “You haven’t come out in days. Your father and I have started to get worried. You can talk to us, you know.”

I closed my eyes. “I know, mom. I just… need a break.”

“Okay darling. Do as you please. Your meal is next to the door. In case you get hungry.” She muttered the last part, closing the door behind her. As the door clicked I immediately jumped out of the bed, completely dressed. I know it was stupid of me to go see her. Especially now, a week after I quit on her, well, on us. Even after everything I still had this nagging feeling that there was nothing else left for me to do.

She was it.

☁☁☁

“Minnie!” I yelled out, everything echoing across the cold water. “Minnie!”

My voice was almost gone. If anything, I had been doing this for hours. Even then, I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t dare to stop because if I gave up she would never forgive me. “Min-,”

“Hey! Bro!” I snapped my head towards a couple of surfers who were coming out of the water. The tall, dark-skinned dude grinned at me. “Hey dude. We’ve seen you around here a couple of times. Lookin’ for someone?”

“Y-yeah. Minnie. Well, if you’ve seen me around here you probably saw me with her. She’s tiny, blonde, usually only wearing a grey sweater that doesn’t cover much, white as hell.” My eyes shifted from the three guys who just looked at each other with puzzled expressions. “You haven’t seen her? Any of you? She’s always here.” I stomped my foot a couple of times. “Right here. She’s always here and I cannot believe you guys haven’t seen her with me.”

“Well… we’ve seen you.” The muscled guy spoke. “But no one else dude.”

I stared at them like they were absolutely crazy. Ironically, they looked at me back in the same manner.

“Look… dude, honestly?” The first guy spoke again. “We don’t judge or anything, but… we’ve seen you talking.”

“To her, yeah.”

“No, no, no, no.” He corrected me. “We’ve seen you talking. Period. Not to a single person though.”

I blinked for a couple of times, mouth gaped.

☁☁☁

“Okay, okay, okay. Recap. Boy meets girl.”

“Yes.”

“Boy falls in love with girl.”

“Yes.”

“Boy finds out girl is actually dead.”

“Yes.”

“Boy cusses out girl and walks away.”

“… Yes.”

“Boy regrets it and goes looking for her.”

“Yup.”

“Boy finds out that there wasn’t even a girl to begin with.”

“Pretty much…” I pressed my hands against my forehead, groaning. “When did my life become so fucked up?”

“I don’t even know, man. After that recap I am lost. I don’t even know who the hell I am.” Adam scoffed, resting his feet on top of the kitchen counter.

“You crack me up man.” I moaned, turning on the water faucet and splashing my face. “I didn’t even believe those guys at first. I thought they were maybe screwing around with me, ya know?”

“Yeah…”

“Then I thought about it. I mean… my life has been one dull blur after another. It couldn’t be any more dead even if I attempted to kill myself along with it. Maybe… maybe my mind was actually just playing tricks on me. I mean… fuck. I guess some things are too good to be true.” I let my head droop back, closing my eyes and sighing heavily. “She was just so… so real.”

“Okay, okay, don’t cry. I don’t want any manly tears. You’ll make me cry too.” Adam snickered. “Look man, honest to God, I think it is 75% made up whatever you just said. But if there is still that 25% you never know. Of course, I am studying psychology, but anything is possible”

“I don’t know anymore!” I yelled out. “I don’t know, any fucking more. How can she not be real?! I mean… dammit I touched her!”

I immediately regretted saying that.

“Oh really now.” Adam wiggled his eyebrows. “Was it soft and tender? Did she scream in out in pain yet every fiber in her body was hollering out for more? Did you bring her to her knees in ecstasy?”

I slammed my head against the counter. “Why yes Adam, we had sex on the beach. In front of everyone. The children would applaud each time we reached an orgasm.”

“I’ve taught you well, young Anakin.” Adam laughed. “Now the legs of many girls are upon your shoulders. Make wise choices. Use protection.”

I raised my head up, smiled, and gave him the finger. “Why do I even speak to you?”

“You adore me.” He winked and blew me a kiss. “Anyway, if you actually physically touched her then that rules out ghost. It doesn’t, though, rule out zombie. Which I absolutely doubt because, well, you’re not dead… or a zombie… or are you?”

“No, Adam, I’m not a freakin’ zombie. Keep going with your theory, please.” I rolled my eyes.

“Okay, okay. Well it rules out ghost, zombie, demon, and angel. Who knows. Maybe she’s a mermaid. This could explain a lot.” Adam laughed. “The whole ocean thing she’s got going on.”

I stared at him dumbfounded. “You utterly amaze me.”

“I love you too.”

☁☁☁

“Minette!” I called out her name hoping she would answer back.

Nothing.

“Minette dammit! Goddamn Adam and his stupid theories of you being a fucking mermaid! Ugh! Why haven’t I killed him yet?! Why did I even believe him in the first place?” I moaned, letting myself fall back on my butt. “Dammit… I… I JUST WANT TO SEE YOU! EVEN IF IT IS JUST FOR TWO SECONDS. I JUST WANT TO GODDAMN SEE YOU!”

“Why’re you yelling?”

“Because I miss you… so fu-,” I paused and turned my head slightly back, hoping my ears weren’t screwing around with me.

They weren’t. She was standing there, same as always, just this time a lot more beat up than usual. Her grey sweater was torn on the sides, her patched eyed had bled through the bandages and from what you could see, she had tried to wrap it in different places so it wouldn’t leak through. Her shoulders were scratched, dried blood patched all over her freckled skin. Her legs were cut, bruised and looked like they had gone through hell. She looked like she had gone through hell. She just stood there looking at me like she always did, licked her lips and whispered, 'hello'.

I didn’t waste time. I lunged myself at her, letting our bodies fall onto the cold, frozen sand. She moaned as I did, but not once did she let go of my back nor did I let go of hers. I held her until she pushed away.

“Did you know that… that my mom was an alcoholic?” She murmured. I shook my head. “She was diagnosed with schizophrenia around… six years.” I didn’t say anything. I felt in my heart that if I did I would break her trust to tell me this. “Around that time my dad worked so much. He didn’t notice her. He was a really good guy though. He brought us presents from work, kissed my mom on the cheek, and patted us on the head.”

She bit her bottom lip. “And then… we were driving back from California. Both of my parents were tired. My… sister and I were tired. And then… my mom started to have visions. She was already drunk enough, but with that came the visions of monsters crawling on her lap. She started to scream… yell… ask for help. My dad didn’t know what to do. So as he was driving he didn’t notice a truck coming towards us. At a really fast speed. As soon as we crashed I heard the crack of my sister’s head against the left window. I heard my mother being… being thrown out of the windshield like she was rag doll. My dad smashed against the wheel of the car. ”

“Me?” I was thrown out the window, so far away that when the paramedics came they didn’t find me.” Her eyes started to tear up. “I was bleeding from my head, from my stomach, and I was sure from all the pain that at least a couple of ribs were broken. If not my spine. I was in so much pain I don’t know how I survived for those days. I tried calling out for help. But I had no voice. Only squeaks came out. I kept trying though, hoping someone, somehow would find me. Eventually one person did.”

“As I was taking a couple of last breaths some old hikers were trailing the road. They found me passed out, breathing very slowly. They immediately called an ambulance and took me in their homes. According to the police, both my mom and twin sister had died. My dad was at home.” She held her forehead on her hands. “I went back home and… and… well… my dad wasn’t okay. I took two steps into the house and he said, “Minnie. You’re home.”

“He ran up and hugged me.” She looked at me. “I told him over and over, ‘No dad, I’m Billie. Remember? Billie.’ He shook his head and said, ‘Who’s Billie?’ That was when… Billie died in my eyes as well.”

“Billie.” I muttered. She smiled and shook her head.

“My dad doesn’t hurt me. He hurts the image of my sister. He doesn’t understand. So he gets frustrated and starts to beat the idea of Minnie into my head. And I don’t question it. I won’t leave my dad.” I touched her bandages. “He’s my dad. He used to be this great guy and maybe… I don’t know why I still believe that he can go back to being that man I used to respect. So I will try so hard to gain him back. Even if it means he hurting me. Over and over. I know it doesn’t make sense but-,”

I cut in. “No. No I get it. It pisses me off but I get it. I just have to tell you I won’t keep watching on the sidelines.”

“You piss me off.” She closed her eyes. “But I missed you too.”

“Do I get to call you Billie?”

She blinked, confused at my words. “I’m Minnie and Billie. I will always be Minnie in my dad’s eyes. And after a while… I became Minnie in mine too. Minnie died. She’s dead like you said. But I can’t stop being her. Minnie is in me, she’s me, and she’s part of me. And the fact that you pointed out that she was dead… I just couldn’t…” She licked her lips. “I just couldn’t understand.”

I grabbed her shoulders. “Look at me. Look at me. I don’t care who the hell you are. What your name is. Where you come from. You’re everything in my eyes.” She laughed. “I know, corny shit. But now I get why people say it. It’s true.”

“You disgust me.” She laughed, tears at the corners of her eyes. “Ask me again.”

I leaned down and placed my forehead on hers. “What is your name?”

She leaned in closer, her lips almost touching mine.

“Billie.”

☁☁☁