Inner Demons

Gerard felt hot, sticky tears rolls out of his eyes, splashing onto the over-starched sheets. Nadine made a move to hug him, but he braced his arms around his chest, shaking his head, "Not now, Nadine." he whispered.

He hung his head and cried softly, hiding his face behind his bandages. Nadine sighed gently and sat down next to him, laying her head down on the bed. Frank and Bob flanked Gerard, the both of them watching as their friend slowly broke down. Nadine stroked his leg slowly, trying to offer him as much solace as she could. His shoulders heaved as heavy sobs erupted from his throat. "Gee, hunny, take a breath."

He blinked, staring at Nadine with bloodshot eyes, "Hold me?" he asked so pathetically it made her heart melt.

Nadine smiled gently and crawled into the bed with him, wrapping her arms around his delicate frame. He instantly buried his face in her neck, the onslaught of tears returning. She rubbed his back with her forefinger, whispering gently, "It's okay Gerard... I'm here for you."

"Why?" he cried loudly, coughing slightly.

"It's happens Gerard. There's nothing any of us could've done."

"If he hadn't gone back in for that damn cat..." he muttered, more tears rolling down his cheeks.

Delia pouted, "Cali didn't do this" she muttered, producing the small kitten from her canvas bag.

Gerard glared at the kitten as Delia set her down on the bed. Her fur was damp and thick with ashes, her piercing jet black fur now a sickly grey. Gerard sighed softly as she pawed towards his, rubbing against him and purring affectionately. He reluctantly lifted a hand and patted her head, sighing as she curled up on his lap. Gerard looked up at everyone, "How are Frank and Bob?"

"Frank will be fine, mostly shock, Bob though..."

Gerard bit his lip, "How bad is it?"

"His burn is almost to his bone, he needs surgery to fix it." Ray explained softly, glancing over at Bob's now sleeping form.

Gerard felt suddenly guilty, how could he have been so selfish, "Umm, can I have some time alone with Nadine?"

Ray and Delia nodded, each of them leaving his bedside and drawing a curtain around it. "I feel like dying" Gerard murmured, laying his head Nadine's.

She stroked his thick black hair, "No you don't."

Gerard groaned and went back to petting Cali, "She needs cleaning."

Nadine raised an eyebrow, "She's a cat."

"Just fill the tub with some soap and water and throw her in, besides, I heard kittens like the water."

Nadine blinked, unconvinced, and joined Gerard in stroking her, "I'm so sorry about Mikey."

Gerard whimpered at the name, "Yeah... I-I know."

She kissed her cheek and turned his head so he could stare into her eyes, "Is there anything I can do?"

Gerard shrugged and leaned into the pillow, wrapping one arm around Nadine, "Would you be scared if I said I loved you?"

Nadine blinked and chewed on the inside of her mouth, "Maybe, I dunno... do you?"

"I think I do."

Nadine smiled, "Then I love you too."

They were interrupted by a knock at the door, and someone pulling back their curtain. Nadine scrambled out of the bed and into the chair, brushing loose hair from her eyes. The fire Marshall entered the room, carrying a white trash bag and a set of papers. He gave an awkward smile, "It's nice to see you're all doing better."

Gerard wiped a few tears away and stared at the man, he continued, "I'd, uhh, like to know if anyone has identified the body as of yet."

Ray slowly stepped forward, "Umm, I did not too long ago..."

The man breathed out slowly, "I'm sorry for your loss."

Ray nodded and sighed, settling down in a nearby chair. "There is something I'd like to talk to you about."

Everyone's eyes lit up as the fire Marshall pulled a large chunk of wood from the bag. It was blackish, but they couldn't tell if it was burnt. "What you see here is a very rare mold that is only found in this part of the country. It's highly toxic, and has been known to hospitalize people."

Gerard blinked, "I... I don't get it."

"It causes severe hallucinations, nausea, headaches, convulsions, even coma and death." he explained, placing the wood back in the bag.

Delia furrowed her brow, "Wait, hallucinations?"

"Most people think The Paramour has ghosts or something, its all just a big drug trip, really."

The room seemed to stop, "You mean, all of that, the ghosts, the noises, were fake?" Frank asked slowly.

"I'm sure we they tested you, you'd all be positive."

They felt like their hearts were going to burst. Tara, the horrible fear and sorrow they had felt in the house, that sickening feeling, was fake. Gerard stared down at his wrists, "So... we hurt ourselves?"

"This drug affects the memory lobe and the sensory lobes. It's quite possible you blacked out and just had a bad reaction to the fumes."

Gerard held his head, feeling slightly dizzy. The Fire Marshall sighed as his hand-held radio began to buzz, "I have to go. Good luck to you."

They all waved meekly and stared around at one another. Gerard kept staring at his arms, "How could I possibly do this to myself?"

Nadine kissed him gently, "You didn't..."

He broke down, "I promised I would never do it again. Mikey would be so upset with me!"

Nadine rubbed his face gingerly, trying to coax him into sleep.

***************
It was early Christmas morning when Gerard awoke again, the pale sunlight streaming through the hospital window. He smiled gently, the memories of his childhood flooding back. But then he remember Mikey, and more memories came to him, it was his first day without Mikey holding him up, keeping him sane. She shook Nadine awake, trying to control his tears, "Baby?"

She stirred lightly, "Hmm?"

"I... It's Christmas." he said simply.

A small smile formed on Nadine's lips, "I know."

Gerard started to shake, "It's my first without Mikey."

"O sweetie." Nadine rolled over.

Gerard bit his lips and tried to keep his tears in, "I'm sorry."

Nadine kissed him gently, "Don't be."

She looked across the room at Delia, curled up tightly in her brother's arm, a worried yet determined smile on her face. Nadine cleared her throat, "Guys, wake up!"

Everyone opened weary eyes, "Whassisit?" Delia muttered.

"Let's go home."

"We have no home remember?" Ray said rather bitterly.

"No," Nadine shook her head, "Home back in Jersey. I wanna go home."

They all stared at each other for a moment, and silently rose from their beds, collected up what little possessions they had managed to pull from the fire. They made some phone calls and managed to get plane tickets back to Newark. They left the hospital relatively silently, a strong feeling blooming in their stomachs. They felt so broken, so worn from the entire month of hell they had been out through. But now... they were going home, where the real problems would start to surface.