Soria Girl

I was used to it all. I was accustomed to a new school, new faces, and everything old that I thought I was done with a long time ago.

That did not mean that I liked it.

Anybody who knew me knew it, too. Crash and Aliyah tried to cheer me up the best they could, but even if I was feeling like a complete little monster, they’d still be my friends. That was pretty cool, but it didn’t make up for the fact that I was really hurting inside. And it also didn’t make up for the fact that I could be a total asshole.

With school as a distraction, though, it was a little less painful. I’d rather have weekend homework than a killer headache brought on by memories of Claymore.

No matter what I tried, though, the pain was still there.

There were only so many ways I could keep in touch with the guys. Phone calls pretty much only worked with Luke, since Ren’s mom would listen in on us, and Brendan’s brothers always had to do something to cut our conversation short. Postcards were dumb; it wasn’t like I was on vacation. Email took too long, and pictures could only go so far.

…Well, Dad bought a webcam.

Yeah.

I don’t know if it was just another try to cheer me up or what, but it was pretty cool. I just went to school one day, came back, and he said, “Hey Soria, I got a webcam.” Weird, right? Well, yeah, but still awesome.

He’d had a stone-age laptop he’d bought ages ago that I was commanded not to use. That fateful day – after I finished my homework of course – he let me hook it right up and test it out. I wasn’t talking to the others obviously, since I wasn’t even sure any of then had one along with me.

To verify, I called them.

- - -

The other line rang for a minute before somebody picked up.

“Yo,” Luke greeted, the blare of a TV in the background.

“Hey,” I said back, smiling at the sound of an old friend’s voice.

“What’s happening kid?”

I shrugged. “Not much. But…uh…”

“But what?”

“Any of you guys got a webcam?”

He laughed a little. “That’s a co-winkydink if I ever heard one. You know, Ren just bought two of ‘em. Why?”

“He bought two webcams…? Is he rich?”

Luke snorted. “We don’t know, but we’re assuming.”

I smiled. “Well, anyways, I was wondering if you guys wanna maybe talk -”

“Yes.”

I laughed airily. “Okay then. What day…?”

“Oh I don’t know. Personally, I’m free all week, but the others might have some stuff goin’ on. See, um…uh…I gotta…tell you something.”

A rock dropped into my stomach. “What is it?”

I was prepared for him to tell me one of them got run over by a rhino. He didn’t quite tell me that, but it was almost close.

“We stopped playing as Plaster Caster,” he spoke in a low tone. “It just didn’t make sense to go on without our guitarist.”

I could have cried.

“Are…are you still friends and all?”

“Yeah, totally, but…we’re not as tight as we were.”

I paused, causing a silence. “I guess I understand,” I sighed, saddened.

“That doesn’t mean we’re gone forever though,” he grinned, “if you come back we could get together for old time’s sake.”

I didn’t want to get together “for old time’s sake.” I wanted to go back there and be with them forever. Damn it, Luke…he almost just made me cry for a minute.

“Alright,” I choked out, a lump in my throat. “Hey, uh…I gotta go.”

“’Kay. Later,” Luke added, “…No, wait.”

I sighed, blinking back tears. “What.”

“Are you mad at us?”

I gulped. “No. No…why do you say that?”

“You sound upset.”

“Well…you just told me the band’s done. Naturally, I think I’m gonna be a little sad.”

I felt him smile. “I’m sorry. Just don’t cry.”

A tear slipped out, rolling down my cheek. I chuckled as it fell to the floor. “I hate you, man,” I sniffed.

“What? All I said was don’t cry!” he laughed.

“Shut up!”

“Soria, don’t cry!”

Another tear dripped down my cheek. “I’m gonna kill you if I ever come back.”

“That’s the spirit.”

- - -

I called the other guys the next day. Eventually, we set the webcam day for Thursday night, since Brendan had drumming lessons on Friday (and holy crap, I thought I’d heard it all). All week long I was itching to just have it now, trying to urge the clock on faster. When Thursday finally came, I was a nervous wreck – my hands were shaking as I plugged in the webcam, my voice unsteady all through school. It wasn’t normal to get so worked up over something good for me.

It was twenty after seven. Ten minutes, and I’d be holding a conversation with kids on the other side of the country.

I kept twiddling my thumbs, sitting on my bed, door cracked just a little so Dad wouldn’t get suspicious. I was more ready than I’d ever be.

Seven thirty.

It’s time.

My webcam was all hooked up…where were they?

Seven thirty-one.

Time was ticking by. My eyes were glued to my alarm clock.

“Hey! Look at us!”

All of a sudden my attention was darted over to the laptop, looking at the screen. And once I did, I couldn’t hold in a big smile. Luke, Ren, and Brendan were sitting in what I remember as Ren’s bedroom, a big Aerosmith poster in the background. Yep, that was his room.

“Oh my God,” I gasped, letting it all sink in. None of them looked any different. I was speechless. I just…I just couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Well, say something! We ain’t got all night!” Brendan smirked.

The sight almost brought me back to tears. “Something,” I mocked, unable to say anything else.

Ren smiled. “We miss you.”

It took every ounce of strength not to cry when he said that. “I miss you guys too,” I whispered, brushing the hair back out of my eyes.

“Don’t cry,” Luke grinned.

“Shut up, Ragan.”

He snorted a big laugh. The others turned around to look at him. While they were focused on him, I wiped my eye.

“Oh yeah – we got a surprise for you,” Ren added, bending over and picking up an acoustic guitar. Brendan followed, pulling a pair of maracas out from behind him. Finally, Luke reached offscreen and retrieved his bass.

“You’re kidding me,” I beamed, “I thought…I thought it was all over.”

Brendan shook his head. “Not tonight.”

Ren inhaled deeply and sighed. “You know Echo Screen, right?”

It rang a bell. “Thanks to you, yeah,” I said. In seventh grade, I rode home on his bus to his house after school more than once, and each time he’d bring his mp3 player. We’d jam out to his favorites – Aerosmith, Boston, The Boss (Springsteen, for all you kids who don’t have cool parents), The Cab, American Football, Owen, and Echo Screen. He claims his second cousin is the lead singer. I don’t believe him, but whatever. Anyways, he was way into them, and thus I kind of got into them too.

Wait a sec. One of their songs was called “Gloria.”

Oh, man. If they…

“Well, we’re gonna do a cover of them, but it’s gonna be a little different,” Luke added, grinning.

“We call it…‘Soria,’” Ren smiled smugly.

Cue my facepalm.

It was so cheesy the way they replaced one word in the chorus, but nonetheless, it was sweet. I couldn’t cover the blush crawling on my face as they went on, an acoustic melody still making its way into my ears. It was too much. I just couldn’t keep in the tears.

“Soria
If there was something I could do
To bring euphoria
To your face
I’d break myself to find it
All we want
Is a reason to believe
That we’ve got everything
Even though you’ve been away…”

Ren’s smile was heartbreaking. I missed him so much; I hate to say it but the sight of Luke and Brendan didn’t tear me apart as much as he did. I didn’t care if I was totally crying. They could make fun of me all they wanted when the song was over, but I didn’t give a crap. It hurt too much to keep it in.

“Sooooooriiiiiiiiaaaaaaa…” Luke and Brendan sang, backup singers. Not the best I’ve heard.

“I’ll be your trampoline…” Ren chanted, oblivious to the awkward phrasing.

Two words: inside joke.

If you listen to the song, I’d swear that’s what the guy’s saying. I’ve tried to look up the lyrics, but I can’t find them. Ren was just interpreting it in the way we had when we first listened to it together.

I laughed out loud as they finished up the bridge and pushed through the last chorus. Even if tears were streaming down my face in all directions, and even if it made me miss them even more, it was just…alright.

I could not speak when they were done. Just the sight of them getting together and singing a song for me was all that I needed to sleep that night. It was over enough.

“How was that?” Brendan urged when the sound of their instruments faded away.

I covered my face, unable to stop crying. “Amazing,” I managed from behind my hands.

“Aw, don’t cry,” Ren smiled, “you’re making me wanna go over there even more.”

I shrugged. “I can’t help it.”

He beamed right at me – as close as one could through a webcam – and everything felt fine for once.

Luke reached over and patted Ren on the back. “Alright, well, we’re gonna leave you two kids alone,” he said with a big smirk. Brendan copied him, saluting me as they both left the screen.

When they were gone, Ren smiled at me for a second before opening his mouth to say something. But he hesitated. “Soria…”

It was kind of awkward. When I left and we told each other we liked one another, I didn’t think I’d be talking to him face-to-face ever again. Though I still felt the same way (and more), it was a little weird after that proclamation.

“I miss you,” I said finally, turning red, “a lot.”

He made a face like he was trying to smile, but it just wasn’t looking like a grin. He gulped and sighed, looking right into the webcam lens. “I miss you too,” he whispered, his voice cracking.

“You okay?” I asked, a little thrown off by his body language.

He nodded. “Yeah, I just…I’m a little…I don’t know.”

“I hear ya.”

He paused, cracking a crooked smile. Then he closed his eyes, opened them again, looked right at me, and said, “I love you.”

And the house fell silent.

My heart stopped for a second.

“I’m sorry if that sounds weird, but…” he trailed off, an attempt to end the quiet.

I froze up, replaying the scene over in my mind.

I love you.

I. Love. You.

Three words.

I was an eighth grader. I’d mastered the reading skill. And yet those words put together were just something I couldn’t comprehend.

I don’t think I’d ever said it to anyone. Not even my dad lately. Was I even sure what it meant?

One thing was sure, though. There was something in my heart telling me what to say.

Say it, dipshit.

Say you love him.

Trust me. You do.

“I love you too.”

And something about saying it made me feel a whole lot better.

Ren’s eyes grew as wide as dinner plates. “Are…are you serious?” he gasped.

I nodded wholeheartedly. “Serious as I’ll ever be.”

He smiled. It was the saddest smile I’d ever seen. But it was the biggest relief I could ever experience.

But after a second, it faded from his face. Another tear escaped from me upon seeing it all.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered.

“But I don’t wanna see you sad,” I said back. “I love you.”

As it rolled off the tongue a second time, I felt in my heart that maybe I could’ve been overdoing it.

Ren looked at me and sighed. “Do you really mean that.”

“Yeah,” I said, taken off guard by the objection. “Why…”

“I just feel like you said it just ‘cause I said it.” His eyes darted to the floor and back up again. “You hesitated.”

“I meant it.”

“Really?” he said flatly.

“Yes. I do love you.”

He paused. My heart beat like the fist of a mosher.

“Soria, I trust you more than anybody. If you’re lying…”

“Why would I lie to you?”

Silence.

“I don’t know,” he said finally. “I’ve just been really stressed out lately over it. But I’m really sure of it all.”

“Good,” I smiled.

He looked up at me one last time and said into the camera, “I love you.”

I smiled back and told him I loved him too, tossing around the l-word like it was just a working of the vocal cords.