Soria Girl

Like any teenage girl would, the first person I told about Ren using the l-word toward me was my, like, total BFFWLRNTM (Best Friend Forever Who Lives Right Next to Me) Aliyah. Oh, man, did I tell her.

I was gushing. No lie. I was talking about the kid who saved me from being known as “weird girl” in seventh grade. Ren was a freakin’ saint. And my all-time-no-holds-barred-even-though-we-now-lived-on-opposite-sides-of-the-country best friend. And the dude who I had a huge crush on the first few months of junior high just ‘cause he took a simple friendly interest in me. I can’t be blamed for it. You know, I hate to agree with Taylor Swift, but when you’re thirteen and somebody tells you they love you…it feels pretty great!

“Girl, chill!” Aliyah urged, patting my back. “Take a deep breath.”

Me, her, and Crash were the only kids at the bus stop right then. Friday brought even more suspense since I was absolutely positive that this was gonna be an awesome day. Nothing could bring me down.

“Can’t help it, I’m happy!” I smiled.

Crash snickered. “You’re crazy.”

I punched his shoulder. “Don’t knock it ‘till you hear it.”

Aliyah rolled her eyes. “You’re thirteen. And you’re talkin’ ‘bout love. You sound like those Jonas dudes.”

I looked at her funny, then went back to beaming. “Can’t help it.”

- - -

Later that night I crashed at the Spencers’ place. Dad was cool with it, I guess because they were younger and he knew I’d mainly just chill with Aliyah. Last year on Halloween I seriously begged him to let me stay overnight at Ren’s house (we went trick-or-treating together), and after an hour of “No’s,” we finally compromised. I never told him that we slept in the same room, though.

The others were a totally different story. Luke? Man, that’s Luke’s fault my dad didn’t trust him. Every time he came over he just wore a tanktop. But it was his niceness that eventually let my dad ease off, and he finally was okay with us…uh…well, I don’t wanna say going out, but…like, holding hands. But Brendan…man, he had two (freakin’ gorgeous) brothers who were both potheads. No way in hell…

Anyways, I was sleeping over at the Spencers’ on Aliyah’s bedroom floor where I made a makeshift bed. At around eleven o’ clock at night we were still up, as giddy as schoolchildren with no homework. My excitement about Ren had far from died down, and it showed.

“Like, oh mah God,” I mocked myself, hands up and eyes rolled. “This is like so hot.”

Aliyah giggled. “You gone off the deep end.”

I smiled, aware that I was going insane. “Yeah, I have.”

She shook my shoulder, reaching down from the mattress she lay on. “You ever even kiss this boy before?”

I started to shake my head, but then remembered that moment before I left when he kissed me on the cheek. “Well…”

“Oh my God, Soria.”

I could feel myself blushing. “It wasn’t a real kiss, really. It was on the cheek.”

“Was he nervous?”

“He sure as hell felt like he was.”

She poked my cheek. “Then he cherished it.”

“It wasn’t exactly romantic, ya know? We were both soaking wet with rain and it wasn’t even on the lips,” I shrugged.

“You never had a real first kiss?”

I shut my mouth, folding my hands across my stomach. “Why? Have you?”

She shook her head. “Girl, I’m twelve. Uh-uh.”

Then I shook my head. “I haven’t either. It sucks! Everyone I know at my old school did, though.”

“Then they all just hoes,” she smirked, raising her eyebrows. “Prob’ly made out in a dumpster.”

I snorted a laugh. “Yeah.”

Aliyah propped her head up on her arms and gazed out the window. “I want my first kiss to be on the beach, man.”

I looked at her funny, then broke out laughing. “Alright then!”

“Well,” she bargained, hiding her face. “A first kiss is supposed to be epic.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. Then I threw my arms in the air and got all dramatic. “I want whoever’s kissing me to brush the hair out of my eyes and then just quietly peck me on the lips,” I gushed, sarcastically. Kind of.

Aliyah was laughing at me even more. “I don’t think that happens ‘cept in fairy tales.”

I shrugged. “I can dream.”

Aliyah nodded in agreement. “You gonna be scared?”

“About what?”

“About the kiss. You gonna have a boy’s lips against yours.”

“Yeah…I am,” I rolled my head. “Aliyah, I’m nervous about my first date. And my first boyfriend. And my first dance. And my first breakup. And my -”

“Okay! Chill! I get it – you’re scared of boys,” she teased.

I rubbed my face with my hands in embarrassment. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“How come? You had a ton’a boyfriends back in Florida,” she pointed out.

“They were like brothers.”

“Except the one who declared his love for you, right?”

“Oh that’s different,” I smiled, “trust me. Me and him got something that runs deeper than friendliness. I don’t know.”

Aliyah poked me again. “So you ain’t scared of him?”

I laughed. “Nah.”

But after remembering the previous night, I had a few second thoughts about that.

- - -

The next morning, I got up, got dressed, straightened my hair, and got on the computer. Saturday was my pirate day. I’d spend at least an hour on Dimewire, downloading only the best from The Loved Ones and co., and if I couldn’t find it there, I’d take it to the Interweb, and if that failed, then, well, I was screwed.

Fifteen minutes passed and I couldn’t find a single song by the Menzingers. Shit. I wanted to get four of their songs, too. I clicked into the Internet and decided to check my email while I was waiting.

Holy crap, a new email. I never got those unless they were from my delusional grandma who insisted upon sending chain mail…however:

Mrsmiley34@wahoo.com: subject: GIMME THE DEETS

Luke. Ohhh man. As soon as I saw it, I had a feeling I knew what it was about. And yeah, I was right.

SORIA!
Hey it’s luke. Heard you and ren had an internet makeout session hahah. No but seriously hes been acting different and me and Brendan are curious. Are you two mad at eachother? Or did you turn him down or what?
Anyway you don’t really have to tell us. We could probably get it outta Ren. Haha. No we wouldn’t do that. If it’s too private I could go without knowing. Dunno about bdan though.
So anything cool going on?

I bit my lip. I was biting it so hard, man, that the skin tore off and started bleeding. Crap. What do I write? I wondered.

I fidgeted for a second and clicked ‘reply,’ my fingers resting on the keys. Empty tapping. No letters. I didn’t know what to say. Finally, I settle on a greeting.

Yo raganator

I know, I give shitty nicknames. Nonetheless, I blew the hair out of my face and went on:

Yeah it’s a little private but its good news. For me anyway lol. if hes okay with telling than I am. Other than that that’s all that’s going on

I clicked ‘send,’ wondering what the reply would bring.

- - -

A couple of days passed. Wednesday was at its routine “oh my God, thank Christ it’s hump day,” stage in the afternoon. All week long I’d checked my email hoping for a reply from Luke but it hadn’t come yet.

So anyways, la la la, the week went by, and I finally got an email from Luke. A reply. This time I had no clue what was coming.

Ren says he said he loved you and then he said you froze up and said it back all sudden. He says you probably don’t mean it I guess. He says hes hurt.
Do you love him?

My mouth was on the floor. What the hell?! What the hell does he mean, “Do you love him?” I said it! I fucking told it to his pixilated face that I loved him! What I wanted to do was pick up the phone and reach through the receiver and frickin’ strangle both of them.

Jesus Christ. I really had gone insane, hadn’t I?

I dunno. I guess it was all that stress getting to me…dude, I was still thirteen. Who the ass hears all this at thirteen?

What I did do was type back,

YES
I LOVE HIM.

Then I went on Dimewire out of boredom, pirating, cussing out the search results (“What the hell does Lady Gaga have to do with The Lawrence Arms?!”) when I checked back on my email just for shits and giggles.

Oh my God, that was fast. I guess Luke was online too:

Then tell him!!!! call him!!!! you don’t even know how weird hes acting!!! Just tell him!!! please!!!!

Touchy, touchy…I simply replied back saying I would. And I did, once I logged off, still pissed at Dimewire. I took my cell phone (couldn’t trust Dad to not listen in) and dialed up Ren’s cell. After a few rings, he answered.

“Hello?” he answered, sounding a little exhausted.

“Hey,” I sighed, trying to not sound impatient. “You alright?”

He took a deep breath. “Why?”

“Just…I dunno. I kinda heard you were down.”

“Oh.” He paused. “…Yeah.”

“How come?”

“I…I don’t know…lotta things.”

I smirked, but nothing was funny. “Could you be specific?”

He mumbled some, but I couldn’t figure out what he was saying.

“Huh?” I added.

“I said…like, uh…you know…”

Ren Hawker: the most articulate guy I know. Especially when he’s nervous. “Like, uh, what?”

He laughed a forced laugh, then sighed. “You remember last Thursday.”

“I don’t think I’ll forget about it.”

“Well…when I said I loved you and you freaked out -”

“I didn’t freak out!”

“…Or, went all quiet,” he continued, “and then you said you loved me back…I just…I dunno.”

“Why not? It’s pretty simple.”

“I just don’t feel like you meant it, okay?” Ren groaned, his voice getting lower. A chill went up my spine.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. He sounded so sure of himself. Maybe we were hanging out too much and some of my ways rubbed off on him.

“I do,” I urged. “Still do.”

He went quiet. After a really long silence (and I knew he didn’t hang up because he was sighing on the other end), he spoke up, and this is what he said –

He said, “You know what? I think we’re too young.”

For a second I furrowed my brow and thought, what the hell is he saying?!

Then it made sense.

“Too young for love?” I questioned.

“Yeah, I mean…we’re thirteen. We’re not the Jonas Brothers. We can’t be singin’ about love ‘till we know what it’s like,” he explained. Then he took a breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“…Just, sorry. For putting all this on you. I mean…I’m not saying that what I said isn’t true, I mean, it could be, but…”

“But what?” I said.

“I still really like you, Soria,” he continued, making me go red. “As way more than a friend.”

A cheek-to-cheek grin broke out across my face. “Aw.”

He snickered. “Well, it’s true…”

With that smile still on my face, I whispered into my phone, “I still like you too.”

And I freakin’ meant it.