Soria Girl

There was no way I could sleep that week. Not when in a matter of days, I’d be pulled away from the very life I loved and thrust into the place I once called home. There was no point. I hadn’t been there for a year, and that was a big time gap.

I didn’t tell the others I was moving yet. I’d come close - I’d say “Guys,” and they’d all turn to me. But I couldn’t tell them. I’d get a lump in my throat and say “Nothing,” and we’d all go back to whatever we were doing.

I should’ve told them as soon as I found out. There was no changing Dad’s mind; that guy was stubborn, so it wasn’t like I could talk him out of it. Plus, there was that whole “this is the military we’re talking about” thing. I just didn’t want to see my friends sad.

The entire week, I was scared. I couldn’t make eye contact with any of them for fear I might break down. Especially with Ren - I don’t know if it was because I was closest with him, or some other weird reason, but I could barely look at him without feeling like crying.

The night I was told we were moving, I wrote a song called “Slopeside.” When I shared it with the guys, they loved it and we made it our own. I just wrote it after not being able to sleep and it was kind of halfassed, but whatever. I liked it. Even if it hurt.

Can I believe it?
No!
Can I believe it?
No, I can’t
Can you believe it?
It’s coming now
Now I believe it!
Here we go…

I didn’t like playing it, even if the tune was great. It was a reminder of what they didn’t know and what was killing me. And I mean it when I say it was killing me - every day I neared closer to insanity.

It was the night before the move, Friday night. They four of us were at the park in Ren’s neighborhood, sitting on the playground gym. It was now or never, I figured. I didn’t speak at all since the words weren’t coming, but they were talking about the stars. God, we always talked about stars.

Suddenly, Ren turned to me and stared for a minute while Brendan and Luke fired off another conversation. He elbowed me softly and I jerked my head to meet his eyes. My throat went dry since I only did it on a whim, and I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Instead I coughed.

“What’s wrong?” he said, furrowing his brow in concern. In a flash Luke and Brendan were huddled around me, showing the same face as him. My heart sped up to a million beats a second, and the tears pushed against the back of my eyes, close to pouring out all over my face.

“Guys,” I whispered, my voice shaking. I blinked, a tear falling out of my eye and trailing down my cheek. They all closed in on me, asking what was wrong and holding me tight like the friends they were. I was suffocating from their care, but in a way it was relieving. “I’m moving tomorrow.”

The air froze and they backed away. Ren shook his head like he didn’t believe what I was saying. “You’re…serious?” Brendan whimpered. Luke stayed silent.

Ren suddenly turned away and positioned himself at the top of the slide. “Why’d you tell us the night before you were moving? Maybe if you told us earlier, but now?” he spat, glancing at me expectantly. “That’s…that’s ridiculous.”

I didn’t answer and he slid down, not looking back once. I didn’t know what to think, even when I stared at him walking down the street to his house.

He walked fast with his hands in his pockets. He also shook his head the entire time, furiously speeding to his house. The sight broke my heart since…I knew I just lost my best friend. Sometimes you just know things. There’s no guesswork. You just know that something has screwed up to infinity, and there’s no way of making it normal again. I had a knack for knowing when that was happening, and that night was one of those times.

And then Brendan slid down the pole, imitating him with a muffled F-bomb. Without even a word to me, he’d fled the scene and he was out of my life. And then I took the hint that he was pissed at me too, getting another familiar drop in my stomach that told me that my life was over.
But one thing was a little weird…

“Why haven’t you left yet?” I asked Luke, since he was still leaned over the rail next to me. He drew in a deep breath and sat down by me.

“Because you’re my friend,” he whispered.

I relaxed a little and smiled, not really surprised. The few days after we broke up in January, he was a little less than happy. “Don’t worry. Brendan’s not too bright. He’ll be mad for a minute and then forget what he was mad about,” he said, smirking back. He paused, looking at the stars.

“And Ren…well, Ren likes you. A lot. And he likes you too much to be mad for too long.”

I shut up and considered what he said. What did he mean by that? If he was saying Ren had a little crush on me…well, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. But really… “Like?” I hate it when people say they “like” one another because it’s so hard to figure out. I mean, I could say I “like” those guys and start an uproar because of a simple miscommunication.

And I guess I could say I “like” Ren too.

Luke squeezed my shoulder and held me close, attempting to comfort my weary mind. He was failing, but he tried and that’s all that mattered. It was just good to know I had one friend that still gave a shit about me left in the world.

The stars were smiling as if to console but I paid them no mind. I couldn’t look, not with the tears distorting my vision. The only thing I could see was Luke’s navy blue shirtsleeve as I leaned against it, getting soaked with my tears. I couldn’t stop crying, but he didn’t care. Even when the hour passed, I was still locked in his hug. It reminded me that I wasn’t alone.

“I’m sorry,” Luke finally whispered when I pulled away. I met his emerald eyes, but I shook my head.

“You got nothing to be sorry about,” I assured, drying my eyes.

He smiled the best he could and took my hand. “They’ll be back. I know them. They can’t stay mad forever,” he said, hugging me one last time.

Luke looked back at me after sliding to the ground. He grinned, waving goodbye as he walked down the street.

I know he was still with me. That kid will forgive anyone and I’m glad he forgave me. All week long I had a theory that having Ren and Brendan mad at me would make leaving Claymore hurt less…but I was wrong.

It hurt more.