Filling the Void

I felt bloated sitting there on top of Peter's kitchen counter, watching him eat. I felt bloated, yet I was empty.

Peter was eating slice after slice of pie, and he seemed satisfied with putting his attention solely on them. He looked like he loved them. He held the flaky crust gently before bringing the slice to his mouth. But that was when the gentleness stopped, and he stuffed the slice in his mouth with such force, I always thought he might choke. He never did, though. But the slice of pie was undoubtedly smushed. I was mesmerized by the rhythm as I watched him eat; gentleness, and force.

I lived with Peter all my life and he took care of me, but I did not know him at all.

“Peter!”

The smooth, silky voice belonged to Flo, Peter's girlfriend. Although I didn't see her as often as I saw Peter, I felt like I knew her better. She liked talking to me every time she visited Peter's house. She even gave me a nickname, P. When compared to how much she spoke with Peter, she didn’t really say a lot to me. She would just greet me, and ask me how I was, like “Hi, P! How's it going?” And that was all. But she talked to me more than anyone else did. And I really liked her name. It made me think of flowing water.

She was small and delicate, and looked about only one-fourth of the big and muscular Peter. Though Flo was taller than I, she was so much slimmer. Her tiny five feet and one inch frame exuded prettiness. She had long shiny reddish hair that I especially liked to look at. It was the color of a pumpkin.

She walked into the sunlit kitchen, glanced briefly at me with not exactly a happy expression, greeted me with slight nod and said in a whisper, “P” and then she went straight to Peter's side.

“Pumpkin pie? Is this from – ?” she nodded in my direction as she took a slice to indicate me to Peter, and he looked in my direction. The pies were from me.

“Yes, yes,” he said to Flo using his gentle voice. He even laid a hand on her waist and guided her to sit on the chair next to him. He waited for Flo to take a bite before asking “Delicious, isn't it?”

Flo made a face, sticking out her tongue with an orange ball of mush on it. “Ugh! It's true that smaller pumpkins are better for making food. You, on the other hand, can eat anything and think it's good.”

I felt good at that remark because I was not that keen on giving the pies away anyway. Or I might have just felt good hearing Flo's voice. Flo's voice was always refreshing. Peter's voice, well, that was another thing.

“Well, sorry,” Peter said, exaggerating the last word. I panicked slightly, thinking he might have heard my thoughts. But that was impossible. Not even Flo could read my thoughts. But he was talking to her after all. “We're not all as picky as you.”

Peter took Flo's piece for her.

She waited for him to finish it before saying with a huge smile and a little bounce, “Petey, I'm going to Germany a few months from now. I'm staying there for three weeks.”

“Germany, huh?” Peter asked calmly. “Is it that scholarship thing?”

Flo nodded so vigorously her hair got messed up. From what I heard in their conversations before, Flo was learning to speak German.

“Bring me back a German Shepherd.” He stuffed his mouth after saying the last word. He was forever eating a slice of pie. There was a lot, after all.

Flo chuckled. It sounded just like flowing water. “You're silly,” she said as she nudged Peter slightly. “Come with me.”

Peter almost choked this time.

“What? I don't wanna go to Germany,” he huffed.

“Why not? We can go to Amsterdam on the weekends,” Flo said, trying to tempt him.

“No, Flo. I can live without you for three weeks.”

“You never go anywhere with me!”

“Well, you're always going somewhere, and you don't hear me complaining!” Peter's volume and face contradicted his words. He was turning slightly red.

What he said was true though, I think. There were days in a row that Flo would not visit Peter's house. She was probably “somewhere” as Peter said. But what Flo said was true too. From the time that I lived with Peter, he barely did go out of the house. I could not imagine him going out of the city, let alone the country.

He probably lost his appetite. Taking what was left of the pies, he stuffed them in a small plastic container (some bits of pie were oozing out of the container before he closed it), and put it inside the refrigerator. Flo was sitting a bit tensely while watching him. After Peter closed the fridge, wiped his hands on the towel hanging on the handle, and walked to return to sit beside Flo, she averted her eyes.

“Flo,” Peter's gentle voice reached out to her ears as his hand reached for her tiny one. “I do miss you every time you go on your little road trips – hell, what I feel is more than just missing. I feel almost broken up inside until you return.”

“You never come with me when I ask you to,” Flo said just as gently, looking into his eyes now.

“I just really hate traveling,” he said, still gently, but I could sense a tiny gruffness beneath the words. He pulled her onto his lap, and they hugged each other.

They stayed like that for about five minutes.

Then Peter whispered, “Don't go.”

Flo pushed at his shoulders, breaking away from the hug to look at him. She had a small frown on her pretty face. She then raised an eyebrow, and a tiny smile replaced the frown. “You can't be serious, can you?”

Disappointment was clear on Peter's face. Apparently it was not clear for Flo. She still had that tiny you-can't-be-serious smile on her mouth. Peter stood up, causing the girl on his lap to stand up as well. He was doing this to make use of his height for more intimidation. He held Flo's wrists so she could not back away. Flo's mouth was slowly turning into a frown again.

“I am serious,” Peter said, sounding each word slowly and completely to make sure Flo got the message.

She was stunned. “And f-forgo my s-scholarship?”

I was not sure if she was stuttering from fear, or sadness, or anger, or... happiness? I am not that good with human emotions. Flo did something I was not expecting. She tugged at her wrists and managed to break free from her boyfriend's grip. She was able to do that even though her wrists looked like toothpicks in Peter's iron clamps for grips. Then she shouted at him, sounding like a powerful waterfall.

“How dare you even suggest something like that?!”

Alright, I knew that that was from anger.

“What the hell would you suggest then, huh?!” He matched her waterfall with his own. He did not just settle with the sound, though. Droplets of water even escaped his mouth. “And I am not going to Germany! Not even for a day!”

“HOW DARE YOU SPIT ON ME!”

Her eyes were so hard. I had never seen her like this before. Peter probably had not either because he faltered and mumbled, “I didn't mean to.”

There was a few minutes of silence and heavy breathing as the two looked at each other defiantly. Flo broke the silence first. She did not shout this time, but the seriousness of her tone had a bigger effect than shouting.

“I love you, but I love traveling just as much. If you don't come with me, I am not coming back here.”

Peter's heavy breathing got even heavier. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out, so he closed it again, and avoided Flo's gaze. He walked towards her, still avoiding her gaze, and took her wrists again. She struggled, and moved away from my vision. Peter's broad back blocked my view. She was not able to break free this time. He was too focused on what he was doing.

“What are you doing?” Flo's voice became high as she got frantic. “Are you going crazy?!”

“Me? Crazy?” Peter let out a barking laugh. “You're the one who talks to pumpkins!”

“Talking to plants is good for them,” she said defensively, but Peter did not seem to hear because he continued.

“...which gives me an idea.”

He took Flo's right wrist from his left hand and transferred it to his right hand. He then walked towards me, and took off my top with his left hand. He peered inside. Like I mentioned before, I was empty. Peter had a grin on him that rivaled the ones on the most evil jack-o'-lanterns.

“What the hell, Pete?”

Peter surveyed Flo from head to foot, then glanced at me again. He put my top beside me on the kitchen counter, crouched down, bringing Flo down with him, opened a cabinet, took out a bottle and a dirty piece of cloth. He positioned his body so that Flo could not see the bottle. He opened it with his mouth, and poured the contents on the cloth.

“I love you, Flo,” he said as he covered Flo's nose and mouth with the cloth, “and you're staying here.”

Flo's eyes widened before drooping down. Her body went limp. Peter let go of her to hold me. He lifted me off the counter, and put me beside Flo.

Without my top, a very large hole was visible. The opening was big enough for a kid to crawl into, or for an unconscious five-foot-one girl to get stuffed into with the help of her crazy boyfriend. With my top back on, the girl was hidden, and I was not empty anymore.