Status: Finished. and Began.
Rays of Sunshine
Unbelieveable
You’re probably going to read this letter, and ask yourself thousands of questions, but I can bet $20 that the first question you’ll ask is ‘Why is she writing me?’ Your second question will probably fall under the lines of ‘How did she get my address?’ And in all honesty, I’m not sure how. I really have absolutely no clue.
Speaking that you’re famous and all now, very few people actually know your true address. I understand why you would like to keep it that way because we don’t want teeny-bop fan-girls raiding your house. But seriously, I think that they would only raid your house because you know where Devin lives. No one likes the drummer, I’m sorry to say. But back to me knowing your address; I won’t tell a soul, I’ll take it to my grave.
Speaking of taking it to my grave… This probably isn’t the time to tell you, but I don’t really want to tell you at the end of this letter. That would be downright strange. SO I’ll tell you now. I have leukemia, and I have 3 weeks to live. I felt that because I was dying, that I should tell the people who mean the most to me what’s happening. I did spend almost ⅓ of my life with you, so I felt you deserved to be on this list and I felt you deserved to be a recipient of one of these letters. This is a very short list:
-You
I found out about my leukemia when I was at a regular gynecologist appointment. (Well don’t you just want to hear about this?) And she said that she wanted to draw some blood because not only is Dr. Jones my gyno, but she is also my regular doctor. When she later sent my report to one of my other doctors (because her office is almost 45 minutes away) I was told by Dr. Warner that I had leukemia and it was too far in to start treatment. I just shook his hand and left. No need to make a scene, right? Plus, that’s totally not me!
When I got back home, I made my self a good ‘ol cup of tea and quietly (and quickly!) added some natural salt water to the tea. Then I stopped, wiped my eyes, and started laughing uncontrollably. The guy who has the apartment next to me must think I’m inane now. Gosh, crying hysterically, then laughing hysterically makes me sound like I need a psych, and not a doctor to treat me for leukemia. But at least I was laughing at myself. I think it was because I never cry, over anything. I didn’t even cry when you left. I was just extremely depressed. But, I never ever cry. So this might actually be something serious.
But I don’t really mind dying. I mean, I never really could see myself getting old and having a kid. And then watching my child grow up and get married and then go and have kids of their own. I never really expected myself to make it past college. I think that without you, I would’ve died of loneliness. I think when we were going together, I could actually see myself graduating college and getting married to you and stuff. I guess we didn’t love each other that much, huh? But now I only see myself graduating freshmen year of college. Well, I don’t think I'll get to graduate now. Is it weird that I just laughed at that last statement?
Now that I’m due to meet good ‘ol Grim in a few short weeks, I’ve quit my job, and created a mini bucket list! Who cares if I die doing them? I’m dying anyways, right? Is that what it’s called? A bucket list? That’s the name of that movie with Morgan Freeman, and Jack Nicholson (here’s Johnny!)? I think so. Want to know what my bucket list is? Well to bad if you don’t, because I don’t really care!
-Go on an upside down rollercoaster
-Go horseback writing
-Attempt a moshpit
-Write some people (including you!) a letter
It’s quite short but I don’t really care, because it’s my list, right? And it’s my life.
I seriously cannot believe that I am actually using a pen and some paper to write you these words. Every other attempt I made to write this letter ended up in the fireplace. I think that’s mainly because I wasn’t sure how to start this letter. I tried everything in my right, and left, mind as a way to start this letter. Nothing worked, obviously. But, I think I know why.
I think each letter I started writing was for the sheer purpose of just wanting to say hi and try to get you to want me back. But I don’t want t you to want me, because then you’ll be in a lot of pain when I die.
I think I wrote this letter to relive the best memories we ever made together.
What I remember (and miss about you) is how you got everything you wanted. Yon ever asked mommy or daddy and you never paid people, and you never ever begged people. You had extreme perseverance and you never ever gave up, you always worked for what you wanted. I loved how in the end, when ever you got what you wanted you had this foolish smile on your face. It was kind of lopsided, and crooked, but it was always genuine.
That’s what your face looked like at senior prom! I didn’t want to go to that, did I? But you, you lured me to go! You tricked me to! I think that’s the first time I actually enjoyed getting pampered. It was probably because it was all for you.
I felt indestructible that night. I think I was. I wasn’t mad when the limo never arrived, or when it went it drove to the wrong school, or when Tracy McLaughlin spilled bright red fruit punch on my light blue dress (that you picked out for me).
Both how I met you and when you asked me out are my second favorite memories. I think you were still working at Highlights Bookstore then, right? You definitely were, you did throw me out, after all. But I guess you can blame a girl for having no money, but full desire to read AP Magazine. There were no seats left, so I chose the counter. There was a sign that deliberately said Next Register. The next register was on the other side of the store! I wasn’t in anyone’s way.
And then five minutes after you threw me out you came outside with the copy of AP I was reading and a sorry smile. Then you asked me to coffee, but I said I only drank tea, and you got confused, and then you realized I was joking. Then we went to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf.
I wouldn’t consider that our first date, but more of our first meeting. You said so your self that coffee and tea was a friend base kind-of thing. I accepted that, but I admit small pang of that deep down, I felt a pang of sadness because you were so cute/
At the moment I can’t remember our second run-in. I want to say it was that time at Pathmark, but I know that it was not. I remember that we were in the bread isle and you were making fun of me because I couldn’t reach the bread on the top shelf. And then I eventually convinced you to get it down for me. You handed me the wrong bread then walked off.
I think our first date was my most favorite first date. We went ice skating, and that was my first time! I kept slipping and sliding all over and falling. You were all expert, skating backwards and stuff. Then when you fell over, I fell over from laughing. Then you kept slipping when trying to get up. We had to get help from the people who worked at the rink. I still find it hilarious how we dropped the hot cocoa into that pond next to the rink. But, my favorite part of that date is the end. You know, when you kissed me. It was my first and a girl never forgets her first kiss.
I still miss hanging out at Zack’s place. We would always sit together in the love seat while Zack, Jeremy, Greg, and Alex sat on the couch. Oh the way those guys looked at you, they envied you! Then again, why wouldn’t they? You were, after all, dating me! Just kidding, I’m not conceited. But they really did envy you, they really did.
I loved just watching movies, you holding me, protecting me from the things in those scary movies that Greg and Alex always picked. Do you still talk to Greg? I, sadly, lost contact with him after my first year of college. I still talk to Jeremy, Alex, and Zach; Zach and I are still in the same dorm room. We talk every now and then, but we have drifted quite far apart.
I heard or read somewhere that you got married to someone name Melanie. I'm very happy for you, Ray. I didn’t mean for this letter to be bad, and hurt you in anyway. I also didn’t mean for this to ruin your life or your relationships. I don’t want to be a bad thing. I’d much rather be a good ting.
I'm sorry that this letter was so long. It was just supposed to be short and say hi. But I think I went a little too far. I apologize; but not really, if that makes sense. I’m sorry for stealing your time, but not sorry about how long this letter is. It had to be this long, because if it wasn’t this long, I wouldn’t have been able to fit everything in it.
In the case that you are married, I hope your wife (or girlfriend!) doesn’t read this and think I am your mistress. But if she does read this: I am no mistress! I am just an old acquaintance.
I hope you still continue to play drums for the band, Rebound? Rerun? Re-something? Of course, they are getting famous and I don’t know the name of the band! Ha!
I just looked at the clock, it’s 12:58 AM. I started this letter at 9:32 PM. I haven’t just sat and wrote this letter. I made myself some cookies, and some tea and I even got the mail, and then sent out some mail.
Oh, gosh, Ray, I really miss you. Not because you were my (only and favorite) boyfriend, but because you were also my best friend.
I forgot to ask this earlier, so I hope that its okay that I’m asking this now. How are you? Are you well? Well, maybe I’ll see you in the next three weeks. Maybe I’ll just bump into you. I wont come and visit. That’s why I’m not putting a return address on this letter. I’m scared you’ll come and find me.
Well, Ray, I still love you, but not in the same way that I did.
So as always,
Maddie, your mistress (only kidding!)
P.S. Your son just turned four. He looks exactly like you.
Speaking that you’re famous and all now, very few people actually know your true address. I understand why you would like to keep it that way because we don’t want teeny-bop fan-girls raiding your house. But seriously, I think that they would only raid your house because you know where Devin lives. No one likes the drummer, I’m sorry to say. But back to me knowing your address; I won’t tell a soul, I’ll take it to my grave.
Speaking of taking it to my grave… This probably isn’t the time to tell you, but I don’t really want to tell you at the end of this letter. That would be downright strange. SO I’ll tell you now. I have leukemia, and I have 3 weeks to live. I felt that because I was dying, that I should tell the people who mean the most to me what’s happening. I did spend almost ⅓ of my life with you, so I felt you deserved to be on this list and I felt you deserved to be a recipient of one of these letters. This is a very short list:
-You
I found out about my leukemia when I was at a regular gynecologist appointment. (Well don’t you just want to hear about this?) And she said that she wanted to draw some blood because not only is Dr. Jones my gyno, but she is also my regular doctor. When she later sent my report to one of my other doctors (because her office is almost 45 minutes away) I was told by Dr. Warner that I had leukemia and it was too far in to start treatment. I just shook his hand and left. No need to make a scene, right? Plus, that’s totally not me!
When I got back home, I made my self a good ‘ol cup of tea and quietly (and quickly!) added some natural salt water to the tea. Then I stopped, wiped my eyes, and started laughing uncontrollably. The guy who has the apartment next to me must think I’m inane now. Gosh, crying hysterically, then laughing hysterically makes me sound like I need a psych, and not a doctor to treat me for leukemia. But at least I was laughing at myself. I think it was because I never cry, over anything. I didn’t even cry when you left. I was just extremely depressed. But, I never ever cry. So this might actually be something serious.
But I don’t really mind dying. I mean, I never really could see myself getting old and having a kid. And then watching my child grow up and get married and then go and have kids of their own. I never really expected myself to make it past college. I think that without you, I would’ve died of loneliness. I think when we were going together, I could actually see myself graduating college and getting married to you and stuff. I guess we didn’t love each other that much, huh? But now I only see myself graduating freshmen year of college. Well, I don’t think I'll get to graduate now. Is it weird that I just laughed at that last statement?
Now that I’m due to meet good ‘ol Grim in a few short weeks, I’ve quit my job, and created a mini bucket list! Who cares if I die doing them? I’m dying anyways, right? Is that what it’s called? A bucket list? That’s the name of that movie with Morgan Freeman, and Jack Nicholson (here’s Johnny!)? I think so. Want to know what my bucket list is? Well to bad if you don’t, because I don’t really care!
-Go on an upside down rollercoaster
-Go horseback writing
-Attempt a moshpit
-Write some people (including you!) a letter
It’s quite short but I don’t really care, because it’s my list, right? And it’s my life.
I seriously cannot believe that I am actually using a pen and some paper to write you these words. Every other attempt I made to write this letter ended up in the fireplace. I think that’s mainly because I wasn’t sure how to start this letter. I tried everything in my right, and left, mind as a way to start this letter. Nothing worked, obviously. But, I think I know why.
I think each letter I started writing was for the sheer purpose of just wanting to say hi and try to get you to want me back. But I don’t want t you to want me, because then you’ll be in a lot of pain when I die.
I think I wrote this letter to relive the best memories we ever made together.
What I remember (and miss about you) is how you got everything you wanted. Yon ever asked mommy or daddy and you never paid people, and you never ever begged people. You had extreme perseverance and you never ever gave up, you always worked for what you wanted. I loved how in the end, when ever you got what you wanted you had this foolish smile on your face. It was kind of lopsided, and crooked, but it was always genuine.
That’s what your face looked like at senior prom! I didn’t want to go to that, did I? But you, you lured me to go! You tricked me to! I think that’s the first time I actually enjoyed getting pampered. It was probably because it was all for you.
I felt indestructible that night. I think I was. I wasn’t mad when the limo never arrived, or when it went it drove to the wrong school, or when Tracy McLaughlin spilled bright red fruit punch on my light blue dress (that you picked out for me).
Both how I met you and when you asked me out are my second favorite memories. I think you were still working at Highlights Bookstore then, right? You definitely were, you did throw me out, after all. But I guess you can blame a girl for having no money, but full desire to read AP Magazine. There were no seats left, so I chose the counter. There was a sign that deliberately said Next Register. The next register was on the other side of the store! I wasn’t in anyone’s way.
And then five minutes after you threw me out you came outside with the copy of AP I was reading and a sorry smile. Then you asked me to coffee, but I said I only drank tea, and you got confused, and then you realized I was joking. Then we went to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf.
I wouldn’t consider that our first date, but more of our first meeting. You said so your self that coffee and tea was a friend base kind-of thing. I accepted that, but I admit small pang of that deep down, I felt a pang of sadness because you were so cute/
At the moment I can’t remember our second run-in. I want to say it was that time at Pathmark, but I know that it was not. I remember that we were in the bread isle and you were making fun of me because I couldn’t reach the bread on the top shelf. And then I eventually convinced you to get it down for me. You handed me the wrong bread then walked off.
I think our first date was my most favorite first date. We went ice skating, and that was my first time! I kept slipping and sliding all over and falling. You were all expert, skating backwards and stuff. Then when you fell over, I fell over from laughing. Then you kept slipping when trying to get up. We had to get help from the people who worked at the rink. I still find it hilarious how we dropped the hot cocoa into that pond next to the rink. But, my favorite part of that date is the end. You know, when you kissed me. It was my first and a girl never forgets her first kiss.
I still miss hanging out at Zack’s place. We would always sit together in the love seat while Zack, Jeremy, Greg, and Alex sat on the couch. Oh the way those guys looked at you, they envied you! Then again, why wouldn’t they? You were, after all, dating me! Just kidding, I’m not conceited. But they really did envy you, they really did.
I loved just watching movies, you holding me, protecting me from the things in those scary movies that Greg and Alex always picked. Do you still talk to Greg? I, sadly, lost contact with him after my first year of college. I still talk to Jeremy, Alex, and Zach; Zach and I are still in the same dorm room. We talk every now and then, but we have drifted quite far apart.
I heard or read somewhere that you got married to someone name Melanie. I'm very happy for you, Ray. I didn’t mean for this letter to be bad, and hurt you in anyway. I also didn’t mean for this to ruin your life or your relationships. I don’t want to be a bad thing. I’d much rather be a good ting.
I'm sorry that this letter was so long. It was just supposed to be short and say hi. But I think I went a little too far. I apologize; but not really, if that makes sense. I’m sorry for stealing your time, but not sorry about how long this letter is. It had to be this long, because if it wasn’t this long, I wouldn’t have been able to fit everything in it.
In the case that you are married, I hope your wife (or girlfriend!) doesn’t read this and think I am your mistress. But if she does read this: I am no mistress! I am just an old acquaintance.
I hope you still continue to play drums for the band, Rebound? Rerun? Re-something? Of course, they are getting famous and I don’t know the name of the band! Ha!
I just looked at the clock, it’s 12:58 AM. I started this letter at 9:32 PM. I haven’t just sat and wrote this letter. I made myself some cookies, and some tea and I even got the mail, and then sent out some mail.
Oh, gosh, Ray, I really miss you. Not because you were my (only and favorite) boyfriend, but because you were also my best friend.
I forgot to ask this earlier, so I hope that its okay that I’m asking this now. How are you? Are you well? Well, maybe I’ll see you in the next three weeks. Maybe I’ll just bump into you. I wont come and visit. That’s why I’m not putting a return address on this letter. I’m scared you’ll come and find me.
Well, Ray, I still love you, but not in the same way that I did.
So as always,
Maddie, your mistress (only kidding!)
P.S. Your son just turned four. He looks exactly like you.
♠ ♠ ♠
ORIGINAL