In Plain Sight

Sometimes people hide. It is that simple. But the reasons that make them hide usually aren’t that simple. My name is Sydney Glosser and I’m one of those people. But unlike most of the population I don’t hide away. I hide in plain sight.

Let me tell you how my self loathing and my own personal pity party began in the first place. It was a few years ago and I was searching through an old trunk up in my attic. My Dad and I had just moved to this new place and I didn’t know anyone. I desperately needed my mother. But God took her away when I still needed her. But I forgave him because I knew that he had to have a reason for ripping her out of my life.

I’m not an overly religious person but the last few months sort of made me believe. But back to the subject, I wasn’t really looking for anything in particular so I guess I was looking for anything, an answer. I found old photos of my mother as a child and throughout her young adult life but then I stumbled upon a letter. I don’t know who Jesse is but he wrote the letter and addressed it to my mother. The handwriting was thick and powerful but messy. It was a man’s hand writing.

Ashley,

People don’t understand the difference between you and me. I don’t understand it myself. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. It feels as if I’m playing the girl’s role and you’re playing the boy’s. Ash, when people switch their roles or act out of character total chaos will ensue but I like it and so do you. You hide in plain sight but no one notices. If you don’t understand what I mean it is that you act all collected on the outside but on the inside you’re a time bomb just waiting for someone to press the detonator. I need to you to talk to me. I need you to listen to me. I need you back Ashley. Not the Ashley who is cheer captain but the Ashley who use to lie in my backyard with me and dream about what we could become. I miss her. I want her back and I’ll wait but I don’t know how long I will be able to. I miss you.

- All my love, Jesse.

It was strange that letter. It was a blast from the past if you’ll allow it but I can’t help but marvel at the fact of how my mother and I could be so different and yet so alike at once. So I decided that I wouldn’t be me anymore. That letter changed me into someone I didn’t know but someone that I desperately needed to become; so I did.

I became Sydney Glosser: sophomore class president. Sydney Glosser head of the decorating committee. Sydney Glosser: jv tennis team captain. I would look in the mirror and still see Sydney Glosser: girl with a dead mother and a shy personality but I didn’t care because everyone else saw me differently.

Now I’m student body president. As well as Varsity tennis team captain. My newest title is Sydney Glosser: girlfriend of Leo McDowell, basketball captain; in other words he is the boy with no problems. But I’m still me no matter how I act when I’m around people who are my ‘friends’. But there is one person who gets me. My favorite teacher, Mr. Bastow. No, it’s not like that he is just one of those teachers that can look you in the eye and know what is bothering you. He is one of those people who care about you when they don’t even have to. I am really thankful for him actually. It is also a bonus because he teaches psychology and I love understanding the mind. I’ll let you see for yourself.

“Johnny what do you see when you look at Sydney?”, Mr. Bastow asks as I sit in front of him between him and Johnny Mastersens.

“Uhh a really smart girl? With really green eyes and brown hair?” Johnny replies. I laugh because listening to people tell what they ‘see’ always makes me laugh.

“No, Johnny. You see a person. A human being with feelings just like you.” Mr. Bastow says as he makes a point looking at the few boys in the back who are laughing. They stop and then Johnny and I walk back to my seat.

“Class,” Mr. Bastow begins, “tomorrow I want you to bring in something that is very influential in your life. Oh and boys,” he looks at the mindless jocks who are being forced to take his class, “be real, no condoms.” They snicker and promise not to.

I immediately think of the letter. But do I bring it and ruin my so called life? But it is the most important thing in my life. I’ll bring it. I’m tired of living my lie.

Leo is at my locker. I see him and he sees me. He gives me kiss that would make a playboy bunny blush but this is Sydney Glosser: girl with no fears or cares; so I kiss him back. I don’t love him. I wish I did because he is nice and everything a girl like me could ever want. But I don’t love him and I never will.

“Hey.” I whisper to him as he leans against the lockers.

“Hi.” He says back and he just sort of looks at me. I feel as if he can read my thoughts with that look but I know he can’t. I really wish that I could love him.

We stare at each other because he is him and I am me. I begin, “so on Saturday you need to meet my dad.”

“Well it’s about time.” He smiles; for some reason he has this thing for getting on parents’ good sides. Don’t get me wrong; it’s a good thing. But dad is dad and I’m his daughter and if anything happens to me he’ll go after Leo first.

I kiss him and then open my locker and take out all the books that I need and I walk with Leo out to his car and he drives me home.

I get into my house after lying to Leo and telling him my dad works from home, he doesn’t. I get a packet of gushers and I eat them as I finish my homework. When I finish my homework it’s six and my dad is home.

“Hey Daddy,” I say as I cuddle up next to him on the couch. He kisses my forehead and we just stay like that for a while. “Tomorrow in psychology we have to bring something influential to class and I’m going to bring a picture of mom.” I tell him.

“Okay.” He says quietly. He always goes silent when I bring up mom but I accept that, that is how he acts when people bring her up. “Sydney, I love you. Don’t ever forget that, okay?”

“Okay.” I agree and we sit on the couch for twenty minutes before we start dinner.