Can't I Stop This?
I Think I Know What I Want.
It's three days after I find out about, what should I call her, Jill. It's been a few days since me and Jill have been trying to get use to each other. If you ask me, she's kind of a bitch. I've never disliked some one with such a strong passion, but I find it funny in a way about who she really is.
It's about noon now as I prepare lunch, "So what's for lunch?" Jill says entering the room.
"Honestly can you just go away?!" I throw a sack of bread at her, it hits the wall. Great.
"What's going on down there?" Mom shouts from her room.
"The dog mom, she's um, she's chewing on my shoe." I manage to spit out before Jill can say anything, "I threw a toy for her." Jill smirks at me and walks over towards me to grab an apple. "I don't really feel like an apple right-" My sentence is cut off by Jill biting through the apple making an un-satisfying crunch.
"But I do, so It should work either way." she says laughing heading up to my room.
"Can you at least stay out of my room?" I say as she walks through the doorway.
"Oh, well isn't my room too? You really should start getting use to this." She says sitting in my swivel chair.
"Getting use to you has to be close to impossible."
"You've been doing it for 17 years now Andy." She takes another bite of the apple.
"But I didn't know you for 17 years, at least, not... you? I don't know how to even say it, but I know I was fine without you earlier, before I knew you so why come in now?"
"You need me Andy, you can't go your entire high school career not knowing your true self."
"I know who I am!" I lower my voice so my mother doesn't think I'm crazy, "I know who I am, and I don't need you to show me." I try to say in a reasonable voice some one would be able to agree with.
"Then why am I here?" She say getting to the core of one side of the apple. "I mean," her mouth is full of apple as she explains and it makes me sick, "I wouldn't be here if you didn't want me here."
"I'm pretty sure I've never had thoughts of having some one like you around."
"Not having me around, yes, but just my attitude in some form that you could learn from, also a yes." what she was saying was making no sense at all.
"Having someone teach me to become a complete dick would be easy with out you. I have Chester." I say feeling bad for talking about him like that. Then I realized, no one really actually heard it.
"But Chester isn't you, you see?" half way through the apple. "How about this, just think really hard that you don't need me, have you done that?"
"No."
"Well try it and lets see if I go away, then we know if you are an honest person, and if you really need me or not." She says throwing the remains of the apple out the window.
I sit there, close my eyes and think of how I don't need her, like she said. I think of everything good I had going, how I was sane to the fullest extent I could manage, I was happy. I open my eyes up, she's gone. I'm so relieved. Like this weight has been taken off my shoulders, the heaviest weight. I go for the swivel chair to sit and think over if I was just dreaming or something. I sit and release the excitement in pure relaxation. I turn around to sit.
"Fuck!" I yell, and fall into the seat. I look at Jill standing there where I was.
"I'm off to take care of some unfinished business." Jill says heading out the door. It's dark outside now. For once, since i was a child, I am afraid of the dark.
It's about noon now as I prepare lunch, "So what's for lunch?" Jill says entering the room.
"Honestly can you just go away?!" I throw a sack of bread at her, it hits the wall. Great.
"What's going on down there?" Mom shouts from her room.
"The dog mom, she's um, she's chewing on my shoe." I manage to spit out before Jill can say anything, "I threw a toy for her." Jill smirks at me and walks over towards me to grab an apple. "I don't really feel like an apple right-" My sentence is cut off by Jill biting through the apple making an un-satisfying crunch.
"But I do, so It should work either way." she says laughing heading up to my room.
"Can you at least stay out of my room?" I say as she walks through the doorway.
"Oh, well isn't my room too? You really should start getting use to this." She says sitting in my swivel chair.
"Getting use to you has to be close to impossible."
"You've been doing it for 17 years now Andy." She takes another bite of the apple.
"But I didn't know you for 17 years, at least, not... you? I don't know how to even say it, but I know I was fine without you earlier, before I knew you so why come in now?"
"You need me Andy, you can't go your entire high school career not knowing your true self."
"I know who I am!" I lower my voice so my mother doesn't think I'm crazy, "I know who I am, and I don't need you to show me." I try to say in a reasonable voice some one would be able to agree with.
"Then why am I here?" She say getting to the core of one side of the apple. "I mean," her mouth is full of apple as she explains and it makes me sick, "I wouldn't be here if you didn't want me here."
"I'm pretty sure I've never had thoughts of having some one like you around."
"Not having me around, yes, but just my attitude in some form that you could learn from, also a yes." what she was saying was making no sense at all.
"Having someone teach me to become a complete dick would be easy with out you. I have Chester." I say feeling bad for talking about him like that. Then I realized, no one really actually heard it.
"But Chester isn't you, you see?" half way through the apple. "How about this, just think really hard that you don't need me, have you done that?"
"No."
"Well try it and lets see if I go away, then we know if you are an honest person, and if you really need me or not." She says throwing the remains of the apple out the window.
I sit there, close my eyes and think of how I don't need her, like she said. I think of everything good I had going, how I was sane to the fullest extent I could manage, I was happy. I open my eyes up, she's gone. I'm so relieved. Like this weight has been taken off my shoulders, the heaviest weight. I go for the swivel chair to sit and think over if I was just dreaming or something. I sit and release the excitement in pure relaxation. I turn around to sit.
"Fuck!" I yell, and fall into the seat. I look at Jill standing there where I was.
"I'm off to take care of some unfinished business." Jill says heading out the door. It's dark outside now. For once, since i was a child, I am afraid of the dark.