I'm Gonna Break Down These Walls

He slowly leaned down. I knew what was going on but I didn't even try to stop it. I closed my eyes as his lips brushed against mine and then he kissed me. I felt the butterflies explode in my stomach. I could hear the fireworks exploding in my mind. This has never happened not even when I kissed him. The strange thing was that I found myself kissing him back. He pulled me closer to him as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I put my hand on his cheek and my other hand went in his soft hair. I really didn't want to stop but I knew what I was doing was wrong. I pulled away from him and he furrowed his eyebrows together.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I bit my lip and I felt my heart sink. "Alex, I can't..." Why is it so hard for me to accept that I like this boy? I really blame him for it but I do like him. I looked down at the ground examining every little thing on it.

"Why?" He put his hand under my chin to make me look up at him. "The girl I like is you and you wouldn't have kissed me back if you didn't feel the same way." He was right and I knew it. I just don't know what I want to do.

"I do like you," I mumbled. I can't believe I just admitted that but it was true. "I'm just afraid. My feelings for you are way different. Different than the ones I had for him. I just can't fall in love. Not now especially since after what happened. I like you too much to let that happen. You're my friend and I'm telling you this now because I don't want to hurt you."

He sighed and nodded. "I'm sorry...for kissing you." His lips twitched up to form a small smile. He enjoyed kissing me and he's not sorry for it. "But, El, what's wrong with at least going out on a date with me? It won't kill you."

"Err, I guess I could go out on a date with you," I said. I can't believe I just said yes. Just don't fall in love too soon. You don't want to end up getting hurt again. I'm keeping that promise, never again to fall in love with someone. Ever.

"Great," he said, getting up and grabbing my hand. I got up and we started walking back to the party. We saw Kara standing outside with everyone else. Vanessa was crouched over a bush and started barfing behind it. I frowned and let go of Alex's hand and ran over to her. I pulled her hair back and soothed her back as she puked. "Is she okay?" he asked once he was near me.

"I don’t know," I said. She stopped puking and she looked at me and smiled weakly. "I'm gonna take you home." She just nodded. "I'll see you guys later."

"Wait, I'll go with you," Alex said.

I shook my head. "Alex, it's okay. You can go have fun. Just don't drink too much and end up being like Vanessa." He frowned but nodded. "Take care of Jack, okay? He seems buzzed...for now." I pointed at him and Jack looked at me, grinning like an idiot. He waved at me and I waved at him with my free hand since I was supporting Vanessa's weight with my other arm. "I'll see you later."

"Okay." He kissed my forehead and I bit my lip. "I'll see you for our date."

I half smiled. "Okay. Bye." I got Vanessa settled in the seat and I got in the driver's seat and drove back to my house.

We stumbled up the stairs but I was finally able to get her to the guest room. I put her in some PJ's and got some medication and bottled water for her and set it on the table. I know she's going to have a major hangover later. I tucked her in bed and I went to my room. I sighed and changed into my own PJ's. I don't even know what or how the date is going to go. I just don't know why I agreed to it. I think Alex's charm is getting to me. But like I said who couldn't like him? Everything I said about him is true. He always makes me smile even when I'm down. He just has that power.

A noise at my window broke my thoughts. I got up and looked out the window to see Alex standing outside. He waved at me and I waved back. I pulled a sweater over me and I walked outside.

"Hey," he said, smiling.

"Hi," I said, smiling back. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't really have an answer for that. I just wanted to see you." He grinned.

"Oh." That smile was making me weak in the knees. Damn him and his cuteness. "That's sweet. Um, do you want to come in? It's pretty chilly out here." He shrugged but followed me inside. "Be quiet. Everyone is sleeping." He nodded and we went to my room. I sat down cross-legged on my bed and Alex sat down in front of me. "So...what's up?"

He shrugged again. "I don't know... Um, can I ask you something?"

"You just did but yeah."

"You know you told me that you cut yourself. Do you still do it?" He furrowed his eyebrows together. "It explains why you wear jackets all the time."

I shook my head. "I haven't done it in a while. I told myself not to. The last time I did it was when you blocked me and kept begging me to tell you what was up." He nodded. I still had my sweater and I pulled up the sleeves of it. I showed him my arms and his eyes widened. The cuts I made were from weeks ago. They were already disappearing. There were only a few scars that are visible. "Those scars there are the ones that I got when I tried to kill myself." He trailed his fingers down them and his eyebrows were still furrowed together. He got to my hands and grabbed them. "But I'm okay now."

He nodded and squeezed my hands. "I'm glad you are and I'm glad that you don't cut yourself anymore. I don't want you hurting yourself anymore. I don't want anything bad to happen to you..." I intertwined my fingers with his and he kissed one of my hands. "It's funny how we act like we're together when we're not."

I smiled. "Well, not yet anyway." I got a smirk from him. I bit my lip. I really wanted to kiss him again but I can't. We're not even together...yet. I looked at the clock and it was two in the morning. "Um, don't you think you should be getting back home?"

He shrugged. "I don't want to. I want to stay here with you." He smiled.

I smiled back. "Why are you so nice?"

He chuckled. "I don't know. You tell me. I'd like to think I'm just good looking." He grinned.

I rolled my eyes. "You're so conceited but you're lucky I agree. You're very sexy, Gaskarth."

"Thank you." He got closer to my face and was only an inch away. "You're sexy, too, Martin." I shook my head and he pulled back. He frowned. "What are you talking about? You're beautiful, Eliana." I looked down, staring at our hands. He put his hand under my chin while still holding my hand. He lifted my head up so I could look at him. "You are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

A small smiled appeared on my lips. "Thanks," I mumbled. No one ever told me I was beautiful except my family and my friends. I never believe them. I'm really self conscience. I don't know if I should believe him or not. I just thank people who tell me. Compliments are nice. He pecked my lips and I smiled. "Can I ask where you're taking me for our date?"

"I don't know. I haven't decided. I was thinking I'd take you out for dinner or something and then maybe a walk at the park much like today." He smiled.

"That sounds lovely but we should sleep." He nodded and he left to go to his house. I lied down in my bed and fell asleep.