I'm Gonna Break Down These Walls

"El, wake up," someone said, shaking me awake. I cuddled up closer to the pillow I was holding. "Ellie!" I shot up and noticed I was holding onto Alex and he definitely wasn't a pillow. I could feel my cheeks starting to burn and I looked away. What is this? I never blush in front of a guy nor do I ever blush. What the hell is going on? "Hey, are you okay?" he asked, touching my arm.

I immediately pulled away and he raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry."

"Are you sure? You seem to be lying to me lately and to everyone else."

"Why the hell do you care?" I growled.

His eyes widened and then he frowned. "I'm worried about you..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean you are my best friend and I care. I meant everything I said when you took me to that girl's house."

My breath caught in my throat. He remembered? How? He was drunk as hell. "What are you talking about?"

He gave me the 'you-know-what-I'm-talking-about' look. "I may have been drunk but I was sober enough to remember what happened that night. You can talk to me about it, whatever it is. I'll never judge you or anything like that. You can talk to me about anything. Just trust me." He tried to grab my hand but I pulled it away before he could. The last time I really trusted a boy I ended up getting my heart broken. Sure, I trust these boys and Kara but I can't fully trust them. I can't fully trust people anymore.

"I don't have anything to talk about," I said, getting up. Everyone was gone. Where the hell are they?

"Everyone went out to go get some food." It was as if he was reading my mind. "You were asleep and I didn't want to wake you up. But I thought you would get hungry. Now, seriously, tell me what's on your mind."

"Nothing, Alex, just drop it!" He was standing right in front of me. I backed up and bumped into a wall. I could feel my heartbeat beating faster as he got closer to me. What is wrong with my heart? He got so close to me that his face was only a few inches away from my face. He had one hand against the wall. "Alex, go away!"

"Just tell me, Eliana."

"I thought you said I could tell you whenever I wanted to."

He raised his eyebrow and smiled. "So you admit there's something going on with you?"

"What? No! Alex... Leave me alone!" I tried to push him away but he just put his other hand against the wall so I wouldn't be able to get out. "Seriously, go away."

"Please tell me." He gave me his puppy dog pout and eyes.

"Alex, please..." I could feel tears starting to build up in my eyes. He furrowed his eyebrows together in concern. "Just leave me alone. I don't want to talk about it."

He put his hands down to his sides and then he caressed my cheek. "El, please tell me."

I smacked his hand away. "No." The tears started to roll down my cheeks. "Leave me the fuck alone!" I shouted as everyone came back into the room. Everyone stared at us and I just ran out of the room and went back to my house. My mom saw me and she opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off. "No, Mom. I'm fine. I'll be in my room." I went up to my room and I closed the blinds from my window so Jack wouldn't see me later. I just crawled myself into bed and cried. Thanks a lot, Alex. Now I'm thinking about him but at least I'm not having the decency to go cut myself. That's a good sign. I felt my phone buzz and I put it on silent and put it on my side table. I don't want to talk to anyone right now especially Alex.

After I stopped crying, I turned on the TV and some movie was on. I finally decided to look at my phone, 15 calls from Alex, 8 calls from Jack, 5 calls from Zack, 18 calls from Kara, 6 calls from Rian, and 36 new text messages. I sighed and decided to text Vanessa but she ended up calling me a few minutes later after I sent her a text.

"Hey, girl, what's up?" she said.

"Hey, nothing, just sad and I'm missing you." I sniffed.

"Aw. Babe, have you been crying? I thought you've gotten over him already."

"I'm trying, V. I can't because Alex won't stop bugging me about it. He wants to know what's going on with me. It's really starting to freak me out and I'm getting some weird...feelings."

"It sounds like he likes you and what do you mean feelings? Do you mean you like him?"

"Ew, no. He's my best friend. I can't."

"El, its fine if you like a boy. It's not the end of the world if you do. You really need to move on. Which reminds me, have you stopped...you know?"

"I'm trying. It's been days since I've done it. I almost had the urge to but I didn't."

"I'm glad. I was starting to get worried about you. I love you too much for you to keeping doing that. So..."

"So what?" I asked, twiddling my hair with my fingers.

"Is Alex cute?" She laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"I guess. I don't know. I have a picture of him with me on my phone that I could send to you."

"Alright, show me!" I looked for the picture and then I sent it to her. She squealed and I chuckled. "Oh, my gosh, he's flipping hot. How can you not like him? You two look way cute in this picture. You would be a cute couple." I scrunched up my nose. "Seriously and I have a feelings he likes you...a lot. Considering he's trying to find out more about you then he already knows."

"I've only known him for a couple of months and part of my crying was kind of about him."

"What do you mean?"

"He kept pushing me too far to tell him what was up with me and I didn't. I started to think about it and then I started to cry because of that and because I was angry at Alex. He told me I could tell him when I can and he's pushing it."

"I'm sorry but it's because he cares. Your new friends seem to care about you as much as I do. I'm your best friend and you should give them a chance and trust them. I can see they truly care about you but you can tell them about it whenever you want."

"I know." My phone beeped and I looked at the screen, Alex calling. I sighed. "Alex is calling me. I guess I'll talk to him. I'll talk to you later. Bye." I hung up after she said goodbye and pressed talk and pressed the phone against my ear. "Hello?"

"I've been calling you for the last hour!" he shouted. "I'm so sorry, El. I didn't mean to make you cry. I feel really bad." I could hear the sincerity in his voice. It made me smile. How is he doing this? He can just say sorry and I'm back to smiling. "I'm so, so, so sorry! Can you ever forgive me? I'm such a fucking idiot. God, I always ruin everything."

"Alex! Stop," I said. He stomped rambling. "I forgive you but you have to believe me that I will tell you on my own time, okay?"

"I understand. Just know I'm always here for you, El. I'll see you at school tomorrow. Bye." I hung up and smiled.