Devoted

I shut the lid of the laptop slowly, the small click echoing loudly in my ears. I had not left my latest conversation with Marcus on a high note; with me reluctant to speak about the army again, and him obviously getting tired of me. I sighed, moving away from the computer desk. Was this ‘army stuff’ going to break up my marriage?
I closed my eyes, shutting out the though. How could I think that? After all the time we’ve been together, I’m starting to think that a different job for Marcus will break up my marriage. Ha! But…

I made my way to the kitchen counter, fumbling in my purse for my keys.
‘Don’t think about it, Anna. Okay? You love Marcus and he loves you. Nothing will come between you guys…’
The doorbell chimes.
I quickly gathered everything into my purse before rushing to the door.

“I’m sorry, but Marcus….” I pause.
Standing in my doorway is a vaguely familiar man, his golden blond hair swept carelessly to the side. His muscular frame fills the doorway and as soon as I meet the soft green eyes he smiled- a broad friendly and beautiful smile.
“Anna?” He says his head tilted to one side.
“Yes…. Wait... Ben??”
He laughs, pulling me into a hug.

“Yeah, it’s me! I was looking for Marcus, you know, Marcus Spence? We used to go to college with him, but I guess I got the wrong address… are you guys neighbours or something?”
I smile, stepping back.
“No, you got the right address. Marcus and I are married.”
“No way!” He looked completely shocked. “But I though you guys hated each other in college?”
I put my hands in my jean pockets, rocking onto my heels.
“Well, yeah I thought so too, until he asked me on a date in our last year.”

I felt a little uncomfortable talking to Ben about my relationship with Marcus. I had not seen him in years. All the memories of college cam flooding back- the wild parties, how broke we all were and the cool relief Marcus brought.
“Um… yeah, so, anyway,” I began. “Do you want to come in?” I gestured to the living room.
“Uh… sure!”
As Ben squeezed past me towards the couch, I caught the strong smell of his after-shave. Mint? Lemon?
I shook my head and followed after him. What did it matter anyway?
“Coffee?”
“Please.”
Ben sat on the sofa, watching me as I reached for the mugs.

“So what about, you Ben? What have you been doing?”
“Oh, God,” Ben laughed lightly. “Just, everything! Been travelling- just come back from Egypt.”
That would explain the perfect tan.
“But the best place I’ve been to was definitely India.”
“Wow,” I said. “That must have been amazing”
“Yeah, it really was….”

Ben continued to tell me about his travels for about five minutes as I made the tea. He had just finished telling me about Tunisia when I interrupted;
“I’d love to go travelling one day. Ben's face scrunched up, confused.
"Why not now?"
"Oh," I waved my hand at him, bringing over his coffee. "I have children."

"Wow, really? Jeez, you and Marcus have really grown together, haven't you?"
I set his coffee on the table, frown falling on to my face. I had been reminded of alcohol-filled nights in the absence of Marcus.
"Not that that's a bad thing?" Ben said, seeing my expression.
I sighed. Don't think about it, Anna.

"No, don't worry. It's just me being stupid. You see," I began. "Since Marcus joined the army..."
"Whoa," Ben interrupted. "Marcus joined the army? Oh my God… when?"
“About three months ago.”
“Jeez,” he ran a hand through his glossy hair. “Sorry, carry on.”
“Well, um,” I cleared my throat. “Since he joined the army, I’ve been in the house on my own more, so I’ve had a lot of time to think about him being there, even if I won’t talk about,” I looked away, embarrassed. “I guess it’s just made me feel vulnerable and umm… maybe just a bit paranoid!” I gave one short laugh. “Maybe I’m just going crazy!” I stopped, biting my lip. With Marcus in my life for so long, he had become my rock. Now he’s gone, I have no-one to keep me stable. Does that make me crazy?

I coughed, sliding Ben’s mug of coffee towards him.
“Have some coffee. It’ll go cold.”
Ben’s hand closed over mine, wrapped around the mug. I looked up at him, wary. His emerald eyes were full of concern.
“Anna,” He smiled. “I don’t think you’re going crazy. If I was in your position, I would probably be the same.”
I stared at him, unsure.
Ben and I were friends with the same group of people in college, and I could undoubtedly trust him then. Was he the same man he was years ago? Could I trust him now, twenty years later?

“Well, I umm…” I stuttered, pulling my hand away. “Thank you, Ben, um… I should probably… the kids…school…”
“Oh yeah-Yes,” Ben said, getting up. “Of course. It was great catching up with you and- yeah. Thanks for the coffee.” He smiled shyly as we made our way down the hall.
“No problem,” I said, pausing to open the door. “I guess I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah, I’ll be around again soon.” He kissed me quickly on each cheek before walking down the path.

“Hey Ben?” I called.
“Yep?” he turned, halfway to the sidewalk.
“What did you want to talk to Marcus about?” I asked, curious.
He paused, still shuffling off the end of the path.
“Uh…nah- it doesn’t matter anymore,”
My brows furrowed.
“Bye Anna!”

I waved at him, not really concentrating.
Ah, well. If it didn’t matter anymore, then it probably wasn’t very important. But why did I still have a strange feeling in my gut? I sighed, cursing my over-reactive self and got into my car.