Confessions of a Teenage Zombie

When I got out of bed, it was light out. I groaned and looked at the clock. It was barely six, which was way too early for my taste. But then, I did sleep for like, fourteen hours. I left my room, moving quietly so Ryan wouldn't know I was up.

When I got downstairs, Shane was standing in the hallway, looking completely out of it. I walked towards him. He looked down at me, blinking slowly, as if he had no idea who I was. He smiled after a minute and pulled me into a hug.

"I missed you," he mumbled, sniffing my hair. I hugged him back as he continued sniffing. He pulled away and rubbed his eye. "How's it been here?"

"We're okay," I stated. It wasn't exactly the truth, but close enough. I watched Shane as he looked all around, frowning. "You and Art are okay, right?"

"Oh, Brendon." Shane sighed and took my hand, leading me into the living room. We sat down on the couch, and he turned to face me. "Sometimes we do stupid things because we love people so much. I just wanted to be with Art while he was gone, and I didn't think about what it would do to any of us if I had sucked someone's blood in public."

"That doesn't answer my question." I felt like he was trying to avoid an answer. Shane smiled sadly and sighed again.

"He's really upset, and I know it's because I started freaking out," he explained. I opened my mouth to say something, but he continued. "After he opened the trunk, I popped out. It was the afternoon, so I started shrieking when the sun hit my eyes. Then... I don't know, I felt out of control."

"You could smell everyone." I knew how it was; the smell just comes at you from nowhere, and it's so enticing.

"Art pushed me down and kept me in the trunk the whole time," Shane continued. "He drove me back here because he couldn't keep me detained while he stayed with his mother. He didn't say anything to me during the whole ride. He didn't even open the back to make sure I was okay. I hated it."

"But this isn't the first time he's gotten angry, right?" I asked. "You got out one time, and everything was okay in the end."

"Yeah, but this just seemed so different. To be honest, I'm not sure if we're okay." Shane looked like he wanted to cry. He was probably keeping it in so I wouldn't cry. He took in a deep breath. "I'm gonna... you know, go to bed. I'm tired."

"Yeah," I mumbled. Shane smiled and ruffled my hair before getting up and leaving the room. I looked around, wondering how to fill the time. I shrugged my shoulders and just left the house.

It was weird to be outside so early; everything was so quiet and still. There were barely any cars driving around. I started walking, looking all around for someone, anyone, that might've been out this early.

I suppose that it being Sunday, it would be quiet, but still. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and continued along. I then remembered that I had not changed out of the clothes I had worn yesterday to the movies.

I decided to stop at Starbucks, which was my home away from home at this point. Jon was opening the door when I got to the building. He looked over his shoulder at me, a cigarette dangling out of his mouth.

"It's pretty early for people to be up," he mumbled, taking the cigarette out of his mouth. He grinned. "Is my coffee that delicious? Could you not go any longer without it?"

"I've got nothing else going on, and I like it here," I replied, also grinning. Jon rolled his eyes and went inside. He held the door open for me. "What a gentleman."

"Get inside," Jon grumbled, rolling his eyes. It seemed rude, but he was just horsing around. I laughed and rushed inside. I took a table all the way in the back and sat down, resting my head on my arms.

I thought about a lot of things. First, I hoped that Art would be home soon. It was entirely selfish, but I really wanted to know if he was going to forgive Shane. I knew I had to just be patient, since Art's mom wasn't going to heal in a matter of a couple of days, but damn.

I also thought about what Ryan said to me yesterday. Was he actually right? I was kind of leading a second life, but how would Jon and Alex know that? They would never have to know I was a zombie. The lying wasn't too much anyway.

"Hey," I said as Jon walked by. He stopped and turned to look at me. He had on the usual green apron, and man did he look masculine. He had some muscle to his arms that I could only dream of having. "You like me for me, right?"

"Well, I don't fully know you, but I suppose I don't dislike you." It was so cryptic, but I'm pretty sure that was a yes. He sighed and sat down next to me. "This is about a few days ago, right? I'm sorry for being a dick. I need to calm down and move through my shit."

"Alex said it's because I look like your friend," I stated. I wanted to be serious when talking about me, so as not to throw suspicion onto myself by trying to lighten the mood. And damn, I got what Ryan was saying.

Whatever.

"And you kinda act a little like him too. Actually, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were him." Jon started laughing while I blinked and wondered what to do. He gave me a playful slap on the back before calming down. "But yeah, you do. It's not your fault, though. A lot of people look similar. I saw this guy yesterday that looked just like me, I swear!"

"You know, it's not wrong to still be sad that your friend died. I'm sure it's tough," I murmured. Jon looked at me. "I mean, you guys probably went through tons together, right?"

"Yeah," Jon mumbled. He sighed. "I liked him too, you know?"

My eyes widened, and I started coughing. He liked me? Like, wanted to go out with me liked me? Nah. I mean, Jon probably would've tried to hit on me big time.

"I used to joke that I liked hanging out with boys, but it was really him I liked hanging around," he continued. I looked at him. "He was pretty oblivious, and I don't think he realized that all the staring wasn't a joke. That made it easier and harder at the same time."

"You seem so comfortable telling me all this." I tried to hide the surprise in my voice. The fact that I could say anything when Jon was admitting his feelings was surprising. I felt kind of bad that Jon was unknowingly telling me how he felt.

"I guess I just feel like telling someone. I've been carrying this around for awhile, and I mean, I don't even know you much. Makes it easier to talk to someone who barely knows me. They can't judge too much," he explained. "I don't know. This is probably making you feel awkward that I'm just jabbering about my stupid old crush."

"Nah." That was a lie, but Jon seemed to be calming down and getting to like me more. "Hey, if it helps so you don't implode emotionally, I'm happy to listen."

"Thanks." Jon smiled and leaned back in the booth. "I feel horrible about all the interest I showed in getting to know Alex when I first met the kid."

"Why?" I inquired.

"Something about him... I don't know, maybe his age? I thought that maybe hanging out with him, it would be just like hanging out with... Brendon." It was the first time I'd heard him say my name. "And I mean, he ended up being so different. He's so quiet, and Brendon was loud and obnoxious."

"I thought you liked him," I said, trying not to think about the fact that Jon just said I was obnoxious. I mean, I got that I could be annoying, but I didn't like hearing about it.

"I did, but I'm just saying he could be loud sometimes," Jon explained. He sighed again. "And Alex is just so withdrawn, it's so different being with him. I don't feel like I can talk about some stuff without him freaking out."

"But you still hang out with him, right?" I inquired. Jon arched an eyebrow, but nodded his head. "Well, just because you started out only chatting with him because you wanted company like your old friend, it doesn't mean it's bad. You guys are still friends now, and that's what's important. It doesn't matter how something starts; what matters is what the outcome is."

"That's... pretty true." Jon looked out the window. I probably just blew his mind. "So I take it you know Brent?"

"Huh?" I don't even know where that came from.

"Brent. You know, Brent Wilson?" He was probably under the assumption I had no idea who the hell he was talking about. I nodded my head so he wouldn't repeat the name umpteen times. "You guys were in here together a few days back."

"Oh. Yeah, I know him," I replied. "We've been friends for a few weeks now."

"He was best friends with my old crush." He wasn't using my name anymore, which made me kind of sad. It obviously made him sad, otherwise he'd say it. "Maybe he hangs out with you for the same reason I started hanging out with Alex."

The truth of his guess was pretty funny, actually. Brent was hanging out with me because I reminded him of me. Except I actually am me, and not the fake me I usually end up portraying and fuck, Ryan wasn't trying to be an asshole yesterday.

He was subtly warning me to be careful about my lying so I wouldn't end up confusing myself when something important came up.

Dammit, I need to think before I open my stupid mouth. I got mad at Ryan for no reason. I guess I'd have to apologize when I got home.