Confessions of a Teenage Zombie

I was having a dream. I knew, because last I remembered, Ryan and I were having a lovely conversation in his room.

In my dream, I was sitting on my bed. Nothing too weird, so maybe I was awake. I looked out the window, squinting my eyes as soon as the sun hit them. I looked down at myself. I was wearing the same clothes I had been when I dropped Ryan off at Brent's.

But then, how could I not remember just walking into my room? I guess I do have a tendency to forget basic things at times, like cell phones having the ability to list their own number.

I got up and left the room. I walked to Ryan's room and peered inside, seeing no one. He must have gone to go talk to Shane and Art. They were probably done talking at this point; it had been a couple of hours now.

I walked downstairs, hearing laughter once I had reached the very bottom of the steps. I walked into the living room, my original thoughts of being in a dream confirmed. Brent, Ryan and Jon were all sitting down on a sofa. Brent had his arm around Ryan's shoulders, while Jon was resting his head on Ryan's left shoulder.

Ryan, that guy. Of course he would have two somewhat attractive men all over him. The guy was kind of a catch, that Ryan. I'm sure if he were still alive, and we both just hit the city every night, he'd be getting several numbers from people.

I looked over at the other couch. Shane and Art were occupying it. Shane had his arm around Art protectively, as if at any moment, someone was going to just sweep Art off of his feet. I'm sure that would be highly unlikely, as Art was creepily enough only attracted to the vampire that was Shane.

I had asked him once about any past relationships; Art told me he had never been in a relationship before Shane, and that he had never even really been interested in anyone. Maybe he just believed in that whole soulmate thing that some people get into, and Shane just hit him the right way.

But even so, your soul-mate being the one person who could kill you easily by sucking out every ounce of blood in your body? Whatever floats his boat.

In the chair next to me was Alex. He was just staring blankly at the TV that stood a few feet away from him. It wasn't even on, but he was so intent on it.

I cleared my throat, and everyone looked over at me. It was like they hadn't even noticed me before that. Alex smiled and got up, pulling me into a hug. I smiled at him, and he tugged on my arm, pulling me to sit on the chair he had once occupied.

I must say, he was pretty strong in my dream.

He sat down on my lap, positioning himself so I could see everyone. I could feel my face getting warm. Everyone was going to see us together like this, being all comfortable with each other and being all loving and stuff.

Don't get me wrong, I liked Alex and everything, but it was somewhat embarrassing when you were around people you considered your family.

"So what's going on here?" I inquired, hoping to take the attention off of Alex and myself. Not that there was much attention to begin with, but I wanted to make sure there would be none. Although trying too hard would probably just make sure I got attention.

"We're just chilling out." Jon looked at me and grinned. He always had a stupid grin, like nothing was ever going on anywhere. "Brendon, how come you never told me you had such a hot friend?"

"Brent?" I inquired. Jon furrowed his eyebrows, almost as if he was offended at my response. I then realized that, duh, he was referring to Ryan. I laughed a little. "Just kidding, I knew you meant Ryan."

Phew, close one!

"Liar," Brent mumbled. I glared at him, and he just pulled Ryan closer to him. I could almost swear I could hear Jon growl. "Jon, chill. I'm not trying to take your precious Ryan."

"Then why pull him closer, hmm?" I had never known Jon to be jealous, although it's not like dreams always depict realism. My subconscious was probably just trying to tell me something. What, I don't know.

"Would you, Jon, calm down with the jealousy? It is quite unnecessary, and it will solve nothing," Art stated. I looked at him. He didn't talk like that.

Well damn, if I was going to let this stop me from going wild. If Jon was going to be a jealous bear, and Art was going to avoid using contractions in his dialect, then I was going to go crazy and do unpredictable things too!

I mean, hell, this was my dream.

"I'm going to climb to the top of the house like Spiderman," I stated. Everyone looked at me oddly. I lightly pushed Alex off of me and rushed outside. I could hear someone behind me. I turned my head, seeing Alex. "Come to witness my amazing feat?"

"I'm here to catch you when you fall." Alex shrugged his shoulders. Sounded like a douche thing to say, which was definitely not Alex. But whatever, I already knew that my dream was becoming bizarro world.

Without a response, I dramatically put my hands on the side of the house. I lifted one foot, resting the bottom against the house. I let out a deep breath. I guess this is how Criss Angel feels when he does his dangerous stunts.

I lifted my other foot and tried to rest it against the house. It resulted in me falling flat on my ass.

Why, though? How come everybody could act however my subconscious wanted them to, and I couldn't even climb up the house? What was the deal?

Next thing I knew, I was up. Looking around, I realized I was in Ryan's room. I must have fallen asleep. Ryan was nowhere; he probably left, figuring he should leave me to rest.

I could only gather one possibility from my dream; from the fact that I could not pull off amazing stunts or act any other way, despite it being all my own dream.

Somewhere deep down, there must be some subtle hint of self-loathing going on, and I had to learn to just be happy with myself. That had to be it.

I could think of no other possibility, so I was just going to stick with that.