Baby, We'll Fade Away

My bunk. That was the place I stayed from the moment I ran onto the bus until the moment I woke up the next morning. I didn't leave once, not even to go to the bathroom or to get something to eat or drink. But it was a new day, and we had an early show today; meaning, I had to get up. I had no choice.

There were three main reasons I had been terrified of leaving my bunk. One, the obvious one, I couldn't stand to face Pat. Not anytime soon, and hopefully never. He probably hated me now.. he was probably freaked out by me.. Plus, he could have told everyone of our little 'encounter'.

That was the second reason I was freaked out. What if he had told the rest of the guys? What would they think of me? They'd probably hate me too; I wouldn't be surprised if they made fun of me or kicked me out of the band, even.

The third reason I didn't want to leave my bunk was because I knew I looked like a mess. My face was probably red and puffy and tear-stained from all the crying I had done last night. If the guys hadn't been told what I did, then they would sure know something was up when they saw my appearance.

I had absolutely no choice, though. So I grabbed a black v-neck and some skinnies and snuck off to the bathroom. To my luck, no one saw me; they must have all been in the front room.

I took a quick, hot shower and dressed in my clean clothes. Before I exited the tiny bathroom, I checked my appearance in the small mirror that hung on the wall - I looked perfectly normal. You couldn't even really tell I had been crying or anything.

It took me a whole seven minutes before I gathered up the courage to walk into the front room, where I knew all five of the guys would be. I prayed to God they wouldn't hate me.. heck, maybe they might accept me. But I shouldn't get my hopes up.

When I walked into the room, however, no one looked at me funny. No disgusted looks, no looks of outrage. Nothing.

"Hey, man. You slept in late today." Kennedy said, nodding in my direction. He was sitting at the table, along with John and Jared. The long-haired brunette that had captivated my mind for the past week was nowhere to be seen.

Jared and John both nodded in agreement with Kennedy, "Yeah. And we got an early show today." John reminded me.

"Yeah, I know," I said, faking enthusiasm so they wouldn't get suspicious, "I'm stoked."

Jared stood from his seat and stretched his arms over his head. "Hey, Garrett, could you go get Pat? We've gotta go. Time for soundcheck soon."

As much as I wanted to scream "no!", I knew I couldn't. So I just nodded my head and mumbled a small "yeah." before going back into the bunk area.

I knocked on the wall next to Pat's bunk - which just so happened to be the bunk across from mine. There was no answer, not even a grunt of acknowledgment. I pulled back the blue-colored curtain to try and wake him up, but I was only met with an empty - and very messy - bunk.

"Huh," I said to myself, turning around, "Must be in the back room.."

When I walked into the back room, I noticed Pat was just pulling on his gray tee-shirt. I stood there awkwardly, waiting for him to notice my presence. "Uh, Pat?" I said cautiously when he didn't notice me standing only a few feet away from him.

His head shot up the moment he heard my voice. His expression could be described easily: pissed off. He made no attempt to say anything; he just stared at me.

"We, uh.. w-we gotta go. Early show." I reminded him, mentally cursing myself for stuttering like that.

He opened his mouth to say something, and I swore I saw something glint in his eyes other than rage, but it vanished before I could be sure. "Whatever," he finally said, making sure to shove me with his shoulder when he walked past.

I felt like crumpling up again right there on the spot. But I knew I couldn't. We had fans and we couldn't let them down.

So after a moment of composing myself and making sure the tears stayed at bay, I walked back into the front room, met by four boys in deep conversation.

"Yeah, I heard there's a new, small band that's on Warped this year," Kennedy was saying to the other three.

John nodded his head and replied, "Yeah. I wonder who they are..?"

With that, I walked off the bus, being followed a moment later by the other four as they kept discussing some new band on Warped this year. I didn't pay much attention - I had more important things on my mind at the time.