Unknown Visit

I didn't know what I was doing anymore. Just over these last few weeks, everything has screwed up. And I mean everything.

First of all, I meet the worse person to ever happen to me, Mikey. Then he has to frikkin ask questions and be nosy. Then Rayne finds out I lied to her and my mum was in fact on her way to pick me up. I go home. My screwed up mind tells me to run away with my younger siblings, whilst I'm just barely scraping sixteen here. We end up motherless because my best friend kills her, yeah best in the world.

And the worse thing is? Because my mine is so frikkin confused and fucked up at the moment, I actually blame Rayne for killing her, even though she did. I mean, it's doing something good for us, and hell, aren't I glad that she's gone, but I dunno. Just something when I found out made me want to blame her.

I suppose it's me not wanting to think about how bad my family is actually screwed up. We're barely a family anyway.

But for once, I wanted something good in my life, just something good, and I got it. But I ruined it. I ruin everything.

I couldn't believe it when Rayne told me at first that he was leaving, and I decided to go after him. I didn't want him to leave, he was the only good thing, you know.

But I then realised, why would he want to stay for someone like me? There's nothing good about me, whatsoever. And all the time I just shout and get angry at him, I snap at him and lately I haven't spoken to him once.

So, I just gave up.

I stopped running, even though I was mighty close to the airport. In fact, it was just in front of me, of course not literally, but I could see it. He wouldn't want to talk to me now, and even if I could explain it to him, he wouldn't understand.

No one understands, not ever my siblings. They're younger then me, they don't know exactly what I've been through. Sure, Chris may be only a year younger then me, but hell, he kinda gets it easy, you know?

There is nothing worth anything in my life, nothing. Cause I mean, I know I've lost Rayne now, there is no way that she would ever think about putting up with me any more. Not after that.

But to be fair, I couldn't welcome her back with open arms, not with my siblings around. But really, the thing I wanted to do mostly, was just drop the act I hold up around myself.

I wasn't the same girl I was before any of this happened, then I had something to live for. I somewhat enjoyed my life. As of right now, I was seriously thinking about just ending everything now.

If I did that, it'd all end up well. Mikey wouldn't know, he's leaving. Rayne would probably feel relived now, because she knows I wouldn't hate her now. Chris would probably up and leave with Sky and Joey, if they allowed him to take them.

I just want something good for my family, and it now seemed like the only way to do that would be to give up my life.

To be fair, not much of a life I have anyway.

I sighed before shaking my head, looking at the airport once more. He's in there, but I won't see him again. Rayne is at her house with my siblings, dunno know whether they're talking or not. Hell, when I left Joey and Sky were still asleep.

Chris and I weren't really talking.

I don't blame him for not wanting to talk to me. Hell, I don't even want to talk to myself. I hate being myself at this moment.

I looked at the road in front of me, cars were going by like they had nothing wrong in life. Granted, the cars probably didn't, but I was meaning the drivers. If I really wanted to, I could just walk out there and end it all.

End everything right now.

But somehow, I don't think I have the guts. Although, yeah I do have the guts, but not to leave Rayne, or my siblings, mostly Joey.

I promised him something, and I don't stick to my promises much, but just this one time maybe I could.

I groaned before turning so my back was towards the road and walked forward a bit. Just so I was away from any people who could hear me before I let out a scream.

And for good measures, I punched the wall I was facing. The pain made a few tears run down my face, but that was all.

I rested my head against the wall, resisting the urge to smash it against it. I just wanna forget all this, make it all a bad dream. But it never would be. It'll never just be a bad dream, that's too easy. And hell, my life will never be easy.

Sighing, I turned back around and walked towards the road.

I was gunna head back to Rayne's house, talk with her, let her know that I don't care that she killed our mum. That she was still my best friend. But then also leave. Go back to England and turn ourselves in to Social Services. A foster home for two more years doesn't seem that bad.

Yeah, that's what I was going to do.

I just didn't watch where I was going. I guess my eyes were slightly blurred.

Because next thing I know, my whole right side is in pain and I'm thrown away somewhere, landing hard on the ground. It takes a moment for me to realise, though the screeching of the tires help and the screams from people too, that I was hit. Hit by a car.

There's someone by me, a woman, she's frantic. I go to open my mouth, but all I do is choke on blood. I try to spit it out, I needed to tell this woman something.

I see her face turn to horror at the blood I'm coughing out. She's yelling for them to phone an ambulance, I hear it's on the way. But I don't care, I just need to tell her this.

“R-rayne” I stopped to spit some more blood out. The woman tries shhing me. “Don't try and talk, the ambulance is going to be here in a minute.”

“T-tell Rayne—I'm sorry.” The pain is a lot, but I've got no tears for it. Just the blood. The woman is still shhing me. “Sweetie, whose Rayne?” “P-please, I-i need her.”

There's not much else she said, but I couldn't hear her anyway. I could only hear the sirens, they sounded so close. I couldn't feel the people touching me, poking me. Just hearing the sirens.

I wish I told Mikey bye.