Much Too Young to Feel This Damn Old
o1.
You’re only thirteen but you’re older than anyone ever should be. You have a duffel bag and a carton of cigarettes and two boxes of condoms. You have fifty bucks and you just sucked your way into the passenger seat of cars and trucks from Vegas to Chicago. And it’s nowhere near as beautiful as it was in your head. It’s too cold and you have nowhere to stay and that’s how you meet him.
You’re only fourteen but you’re older than anyone has ever been. You can’t function without an injection straight to your veins and you can’t eat without spreading your legs. You have a duffel bag and a bottle of vodka and a pack of cigarettes. You have an appointment at the free clinic because a guy you know just shot himself when he found out he had HIV. And you’re scared.
You’re only fifteen and you’re safe now, but you’re still too old and it shows in your eyes. You’ve been clean for five months and you sleep curled up in a bed with two boys who would kill for you. But you’re still spreading yourself for anyone because you haven’t quite figured out what it means to be loved yet. You thought you fell in love once, but there were too many fists and tears and when it was over you were even more confused than you were before.
You’re only sixteen and you’re in love now. He knows all your secrets and he loves you anyway. He tries not to yell and he forgives you when you make mistakes. You spread your legs for him and no one else unless, of course, he’s there as well. You’ve been clean for over a year now, but when you do smoke pot you always feel like you’re floating until his body anchors yours down.
You’re only seventeen and you’re still too old but sometimes you’re able to feel seventeen. And you’re still in love even if it’s hard now because you want to move in with him but the two boys that would kill for you won’t let you. And one of them just had a baby so you’re an uncle/big brother/godfather/nanny now and you all swear that the kid will grow up to be happier than all of you ever been.
You’re only eighteen and you’re now legally the adult you have been for longer than you can remember. You’re still in love and you live together now and you work at a bar to help pay the rent. You can’t get pregnant and you’re both clean but you use condoms sometimes anyways (justincase). You still see the two boys who would kill for you everyday and the baby who can say your name now and always smiles at you.
You’re eighteen and happy and the world is okay.
You’re only fourteen but you’re older than anyone has ever been. You can’t function without an injection straight to your veins and you can’t eat without spreading your legs. You have a duffel bag and a bottle of vodka and a pack of cigarettes. You have an appointment at the free clinic because a guy you know just shot himself when he found out he had HIV. And you’re scared.
You’re only fifteen and you’re safe now, but you’re still too old and it shows in your eyes. You’ve been clean for five months and you sleep curled up in a bed with two boys who would kill for you. But you’re still spreading yourself for anyone because you haven’t quite figured out what it means to be loved yet. You thought you fell in love once, but there were too many fists and tears and when it was over you were even more confused than you were before.
You’re only sixteen and you’re in love now. He knows all your secrets and he loves you anyway. He tries not to yell and he forgives you when you make mistakes. You spread your legs for him and no one else unless, of course, he’s there as well. You’ve been clean for over a year now, but when you do smoke pot you always feel like you’re floating until his body anchors yours down.
You’re only seventeen and you’re still too old but sometimes you’re able to feel seventeen. And you’re still in love even if it’s hard now because you want to move in with him but the two boys that would kill for you won’t let you. And one of them just had a baby so you’re an uncle/big brother/godfather/nanny now and you all swear that the kid will grow up to be happier than all of you ever been.
You’re only eighteen and you’re now legally the adult you have been for longer than you can remember. You’re still in love and you live together now and you work at a bar to help pay the rent. You can’t get pregnant and you’re both clean but you use condoms sometimes anyways (justincase). You still see the two boys who would kill for you everyday and the baby who can say your name now and always smiles at you.
You’re eighteen and happy and the world is okay.