Falling Into Shadows

My mother had played dress up with me a couple of hours ago and made me wear this ridiculous strapless dress with a white bow encircling my waist, and matching black stiletto heeled shoes that would certainly send me to my deathbed any moment.

I absentmindedly fidgeted with the hem of my black bubble dress as I tried to block out the conversation led by my parents. They were most likely discussing business matters or some other nonsense during the dinner party. I honestly had no idea why my presence here was needed because I wasn’t going to make their conversations more effervescent.

We had already eaten the main course fifteen minutes ago, but I hadn’t dared to take a bite out of the chicken and had told everyone that I was a vegetarian. However, I had eaten the salad (106), so the guests wouldn’t ask any unnecessary questions about my eating habits. I also followed Jessica’s tip from yesterday and sat up straight, so I would feel full quicker. And for some strange reason, it worked wonders.

Everyone except me was waiting for the dessert. I didn’t understand how anyone could eat dessert after eating the appetizer, main course, and the salad. Weren’t any of them worried about gaining weight? Then again, none of them had to lose weight. After all, the women were all thin, while the men were all in shape.

Two waiters then came into our private room with a cart, and my eyes suddenly widened at the sight of the dessert. The sight of various fruits on the trays didn’t frighten me, but I was terrified by what they surrounded. There was a huge chocolate fondue fountain creeping towards me and making my heart race in circles.

My mind also began to run laps at the sight of chocolate as a waiter placed a small plate with a chocolate strawberry in front of me. I loved strawberries, but when they were covered in chocolate, I loathed them as much as my nightmare.

“Mother, you know that I don’t like chocolate,” I prompted her, whispering into her ear, so the guests couldn’t hear.

“Not now, Annabelle. Not while the guests are here. One bite won’t kill you. Just eat it like a good little girl and don’t complain about it. You promised me that you wouldn’t embarrass us again,” she said, grinding her teeth, while managing to keep a plastered smile onto her face.

“Yes, it will kill me. And I refuse to eat it.”

She sighed exasperatedly. “Just eat it now, Annabelle. I don’t have patience for this right now. You won’t have to eat anything else later if you do.”

“That’s only because there’s nothing else left to eat after the dessert, mother.” Her attempts at negotiating were often ineffective, but I knew better than to object to her wishes. Oh, the things I did for my mother.

I hesitantly picked up the silver fork and forced it to make contact with the chocolate strawberry. The fork pierced the berry, making ruby blood trickle on the white plate. I cut the strawberry in half before I made myself eat the first half of the tainted strawberry. I resisted the temptation to spit it out and tried not to choke on it as it slid through my burning throat. I quickly ate its other half and tried not to shatter my false composure.

“There I ate it, mother. May I please be excused now?”

She sighed before she nodded. “Just go out through the back entrance. Will you be going home with us, or will you walk home?”

“I’ll walk. It’s only a few blocks away from here anyways,” I said, getting up and leaving the restaurant without another word.

I neglected the world around me as I walked past the faded streets and city lights. The deafening silence had taken over the atmosphere and concealed any trace of sound, but the clacking of my heels disrupted the previous tranquility that inhabited the area. The midnight air prevented me from feeling asphyxiated and reminded me to just breathe.

I sighed as I stared aimlessly at the sky. I could see the stars twinkle in the darkness and observe the fireflies dancing around in the night sky. I was always afraid of the dark shadows that lit my world and wanted to escape from it, but I couldn’t because it was too dark to find the exit. The only light in my world emitted from my façade.

I shook my head as an attempt to wake myself from my reverie and continue to walk on the pavement. I tried to ignore the unsettling feeling I felt all of a sudden, but the familiar tug was unbearable and disconcerting. It warned me that I must go home, for I had no reason to rejoice in the depths of the shadows when it was nearly past midnight. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I ran quickly back to my house before an invisible arm could pull me back into the darkness.

I silently muttered profanities under my breath as I tripped over a crack in the sidewalk. I didn’t feel any pain from the fall and was grateful for collapsing without the throbbing agony that I was so accustomed to coping with.

But I spoke too soon because the pain began to rush through my veins as if it was the malicious substitute for an adrenaline rush. I knew these heels would eventually harm me, and I mentally slapped myself for not bringing a pair of flats with me to the dinner party.

I let out an exasperated scream, which pierced the sky and left a scar on the silent stars. It was selfish of me to inflict pain to the innocent stars that only lit up the world at night. I felt guilty for deafening the stars and apologized silently, making sure that I didn’t hurt them any further.

After I entered through the gates of anguish, I walked straight up to my room on the second floor and didn’t bother checking to see if my parents were back home. I abruptly took off my heels and dumped them on the floor before I kicked them to the side. I tore off the dress my mother made me wear and changed into a comfortable pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt.

I ran my fingers through my hair as I entered my private bathroom. I stuck two fingers down my throat until I felt the sharp familiar pain shoot up my throat, making me throw up until I knew that the remnants of the chocolate were gone forever. My throat burned and yearned for water to alleviate the pain, but it wasn’t granted its wish as it continued to sting.

I sighed as I exited the bathroom and lied on my bed. There weren’t any traces of light found in my room, and even the glow-in-the-dark stars that I had since I was younger lacked the radiance they once held. Darkness overshadowed my room, and I was left to dwell in silence.

I didn’t sleep well that night, for thoughts of chocolate still lingered my frightened mind, peregrinating me into a never-ending nightmare.