I Love Your Bubblegum Smile

Harley peered anxiously out the window, drinking in the sight of the pitch-black sky, the twinkling stars that contrasted against their murky background and the occasional airplane that would fly overhead, the light buzz heard from her spot in the bus.

Next to her sat Adam, the bus driver, who was whistling quietly to a Smashing Pumpkins song on the radio. His dark blue eyes remained focused on the never-ending road in front of them, while his fingers drummed lightly on the steering wheel.

Harley watched as his sinewy fingers moved towards the radio and fiddled with one of the dials, making the volume slightly softer. He glanced at her through the rearview mirror, before smiling softly.

“We’re almost there,” he nodded his head towards the approaching green road sign, which indicated that the Charlotte Douglas International Airport was less than five miles away.

Harley frowned, her mind racing at the thought of doing something so unexpected, but she cleared her thoughts and decided that her decision was a good one.

She continued to watch the street lights blend into one fluorescent blur, before deciding to head back to the bunk area and collect her suitcases, which remained fully packed and zipped, ready to be taken away from the bus.

It wasn’t an easy decision, to leave the tour and the boys, but it was one Harley had to make. It was clear that she was not wanted or needed on the bus, and it wasn’t as though the boys would be at a disadvantage without her.

They had Vinny, and once she was gone, there would be much less tour drama settling on the bus. She was just taking up extra space, causing more drama, instigating more fights. She was useless to the boys, and because of recent events, she felt useless to herself as well.Not that her leaving had anything to do with Alex.

She had formulated a plan over the last few days, calculating everything from the time of departure to the excuse she would use when she left.

She had waited until they reached Charlotte, North Carolina, and had booked a ticket online during All Time Low’s set. After much begging, pleading, and promising to buy a Taco Bell dinner, Harley had managed to convince Adam to drop her off at the airport at two in the morning.

She had waited until the boys had gotten drunk, something that happened every other night, before she had begun packing. By the time they passed out, she had discreetly packed all of her belongings in two large black suitcases and a small purple duffel bag. Her plan was flawless.

As Harley stepped into the bunk area, ready to depart, her eyes adjusted to the lighting and scanned over the bunks one last time.

The small lights were on overhead, though the setting was on low as not to wake the boys. It shed a pale, wheat-colored light, barely enough to manuever in. All the bunk curtains were closed, including Harley’s in order to suspend the boys’ reactions once they woke up.

The horrendously yellow curtains masked the sleeping figures that hid behind them, and it was only then that she began thinking about her brother and his friends, and her heart began to ache.

She thought back to the brief time she had spent on tour and all the extraordinary experiences she had managed to be a part of.

She thought back to the day she met Travis, their first date at the coffeeshop, the time she saw Alex naked, her first kiss with Travis, hanging out with the boys, the date at the restaurant, her birthday party, her wild night at the club, the break up, the affair, everything.

Harley froze as a wave of nostalgia washed over her, tears pricking the corner of her eyes as she thought of her relationships with Alex, Travis, Rian and all of the others.

She thought of Travis, and realization hit of how much she missed him, his presence, his touch.

She thought of Rian, back when they were kids and actually got along and her stomach constricted. She missed him too, the way they only managed to have arguments, never good times. She missed the way he used to smile at her, like he was always proud and never disappointed. She missed him.

She missed Alex. She missed the way things were, before they both screwed everything up. She missed the time where they could just sit next to each other, joke, be happy, without sex, or kisses or things that could tear them apart.

She missed the time when Lisa wasn’t here, when things were as peaceful as they could possibly be. She missed waking up on a couch full of beer cans, her only trouble being how to feed four hungry men.

She missed everything about the tour, and she had yet to leave.

She swiped at the tears that flooded down her cheeks furiously, forcing herself to regain composure even though nobody was watching her. She sucked in a breath, scolding herself for being so weak, before turning her back to the bunks and grabbing each of her suitcases in both hands.

“Harley?” A male voice caused her to snap her body around, her heart leaping into her throat as all of her fears came crashing into her, constricted her body and her lungs as she froze.

She didn’t recognize the voice, though it was probably because she wasn’t expecting it, and because she definitely wasn’t paying attention. Harley found her tawny eyes locking with a familiar pair of chocolate ones.

Jack.

His voice was scratchy from being awoken from his slumber, and his eyes squinted against the dim light as he clutched his forehead with one hand and the obnoxious yellow curtain with the other.

His eyes darted from Harley’s tear-streaked face, before landing on the two suitcases that she gripped tightly in her hands.

“Oh shit.” He muttered eloquently, before stumbling out of bed clumsily. “What the fuck do you think you are doing? Because if you plan on leaving, I’m not letting you.”

He stood up straight now, to his full height, and Harley shrunk back, intimidated. Jack’s voice was calm, so she was aware that he wasn’t trying to cause her grief.

Harley sighed exasperatedly, wiping the beads of sweat that gathered on her hairline with the back of her hand. She knew that Jack was trying to help, but his enthusiasm and persuasive attitude was not something that she wanted to be affected by at the moment.

“You just have to let me do this, Jack. I can make my own decisions in life.” Harley mumbled warily, her voice dropping an octave in exhaustion.

“I will scream.” Jack stated, his brown eyes wide and serious.

“What?” Harley stared back at him, their gazes locking once again as the corner of Jack’s lips slipped upwards.

“I will scream so fucking loud, that even coffee-drinking Jesus will hear me.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Everyone will wake up.” Jack said, smirking as realization dawned on Harley.

It was two in the morning after all, and if Jack woke up the others, they would most definitely make her stay. She sighed exasperatedly, disliking Jack greatly for ruining her plan.

“Don’t you even dare.” She narrowed her eyes, feeling her pulse race as Jack opened his mouth wide about to let out an ear-splitting squeak.

Before Harley could stop herself, she found herself abandoning her bags and throwing herself at Jack. She felt herself latching onto Jack as she clamped her hand onto his mouth, causing him to stumble back at the force, sending them both toppling to the floor.

Jack stared up at her wide eyed as she lay on top of him, her warm hand still clamped tightly over his mouth. After a moment of awkward silence, Harley felt something slimy slide against her palm and screeched, retracting her hand.

She looked at the clear liquid that rested on her skin, and scrunched her nose up in dismay at Jack, who was sending her a victorious smirk.

“Did you just lick me?!” Harley yelled quietly, hoping that their brawl had not woken up any of the other passengers.

“Yup.” He stated simply, sending her a impish grin.

Harley was about to retaliate, attack Jack at full force, but then she looked back at her suitcases and remembered that she had a plane to catch.

The boys didn’t need her, and even though he meant the world to her, Jack wasn’t enough for her to stay. She pulled herself off him, before brushing of her jeans lightly. She examined her fingernails as a pregnant pause made its way into the air.

Jack blinked at her from his spot on the floor, obviously surprised that his plan had failed to keep her occupied. She grabbed her suitcases in both hands, before dragging them to the front lounge.

“Harley,” Jack pleaded, pushing his scrawny frame off the floor as he stumbled towards her. “You can’t leave me. You make everyone’s day better, and we need you here.”

“No you don’t.” Harley insisted, shaking her head. She wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince at that point, Jack or herself. “You can survive just fine without me. I have to go, Jack.”

She continued walking, not wanting to see the puppy dog look on Jack’s face.

“Why are you leaving?” He called after her, as she rounded the corner into the front lounge. “Is it because of Rian?”

“No.” Harley gritted her teeth, “And be quiet. I don’t want to wake anybody.”

“Is it because of Alex?” Jack called again, ignoring her last statement completely.

His words were strangled because of his lisp, and Harley felt her chest ache once again at the thought of Alex.

“No,” Harley lied, pulling her bags closer towards her as she looked at the floor. “Jack, I have to go.”

“But I won’t see you again!” Jack cried, grabbing her wrist to hold her back.

Harley told herself that she was growing aggravated at Jack’s persistent attitude, but she actually felt flattered. There was the feeling that someone cared for her, enough to beg her to stay, and that was all she wanted.

Harley stopped, finally turning to face Jack. Figuring that he finally got her full attention, he let go of her wrist cautiously.

“Of course you’ll see me again.” Harley smiled softly, looking up at Jack once again. “Once the tour is over, you guys will be back in Maryland, and we’ll all hang out again.”

Harley knew that what she said wasn’t true, and immediately felt bad for making an empty promise to Jack. Jack deserved better than to listen to her lying.

Even if things went exceptionally well, Harley would be lucky if she could hold a conversation with Alex once he returned.

“Didn’t you hear?” Jack looked upset, confused and worried all at the same time. “Once Warped ends, we head straight for L.A to begin recording, and then we’re home in September...”

“...but I have school.”

“Yeah,” Jack nodded, clearly saddened. “Then we go back on tour, until December. And then we’re home for Christmas. Then we go back on tour and a bunch of promotional stuff. At Christmas though, we can hang out then.”

“I’m going to Aspen.”

“At Christmas?”

“Yeah, my best friend Kat and I are going for a ski trip.”

“Oh.” Jack visibly deflated. “I thought I was your best friend?”

“Of course you are Jack,” Harley sniffled, pulling Jack into side hug. “But I have to go. Really. You’ve got to let me do this.”

“I think you’re making the wrong decision.” Jack mumbled, lowering his voice finally as they walked towards the door.

Adam was pulling up to the terminal, and Harley’s eyes flickered to the numerous airport shuttles and cars. Her eyes trailed to the double doors that held her freedom, her new opportunities.

“I know.” Harley shook her head, “But for me, it’s right. I just need to leave...it’s all too much stress.”

“You can’t run away from your problems forever.”

Harley knew that by problems, Jack actually meant Rian, Alex, Lisa and Travis but he avoided saying it.

His words lingered in the air as Adam gave her a salute, indicating that they had arrived and were now at a complete stop. Jack smiled at her shakily, like a mom sending her first child off to college, before scooping her up in a bear hug.

The sweet fragrance of sweat, alcohol and cinnamon hit her like a brick as she nuzzled into Jack’s chest, and she felt the tears return as she pulled away.

She couldn’t believe that Jack was actually letting her go. It appeared that he didn’t believe it either.

She returned the trembling smile, before tugging at the suitcases.

“Thanks Jack,” Harley whispered out, sniffling as she wiped the tears away. “For everything.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Jack shrugged, sending her a unsure grin.

“You’re a really good friend.” Harley stated, pausing to look at Jack one last time. “Thanks for being there for me.”

“You’re welcome,” Jack gave her an adorable smile, one of a small child being told that he did good, and Harley felt her insides warm at the sight of him.

“I’ll see you soon okay, Dawson?” Jack grinned, though it was obvious he was fighting off his emotions.

“Of course, Barakat.” Harley laughed unsteadily, before grabbing her bags for a final time and lifting them out the door.

Harley inhaled shakily, before holding onto the suitcases so tightly that her knuckles turned a ghostly shade of white. Summoning all of her courage and confidence, she strode through the double doors leading to the airport.

It was like the first day of Warped Tour all over again. Except this time, she wasn’t entering a world of love, music and fighting. She was leaving one.

It was better this way. It had to be.

Harley Dawson watched with tears in her eyes as the familiar bus pulled away, taking her heart and everyone she loved with it.

Harley didn’t know what it would be like, back in Maryland. All she knew was that she would be thinking about Warped Tour the entire way home.

This wasn't the end of her journey, but rather the beginning of it all.