Florescent Adolescence

Shaun and I sat across from each other on his bedroom floor, cutting out pictures to put on his wall. I was supposed to be telling him what happened between Scotty and me, but I didn’t know exactly how to say it.

“How did things go with Natalie and Joanna last night?” Shaun asked, dosing the back of a photo with rubber cement glue.

“Joanna and I had a good time. Bonded a little, talked some,” I answered, avoiding what he really wanted to hear.

“I guess things with Natalie didn’t go so well, since Louie had to play patrol officer,” Shaun said, cutting out more pictures.

“Patrol Officer? More like an instigator,” I corrected.

“She thinks you hate her.” He made it sound more like a question than a statement.

“I don’t like her,” I flat out told him.

Shaun tossed down the picture that was in his hand on the floor. “Why?” he chuckled.

“Her voice is annoying and she is just one of those people that I just don’t like at first sight,” I shrugged.

“Like Molly Faves?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Like Molly Faves,” I agreed.

“Did you even talk to her?”

“Yes, Shaun. I’m not a total bitch. I made conversation, and then Louie interrogated her for a while. I just don’t like her.”

“You don’t even know her,” he spat.

“So? I heard what she had to say. I heard what she told Louie, and I just don’t like it,” I replied, keeping my head down.

“I can’t make you like her, but please respect her,” Shaun asked.

“I will. I’m not that mean.”

Shaun nodded and continued to glue pictures to the wall.

My heart started to pound so loud that it eliminated all other sounds in the room. My stomach started to twist into knots. I had to tell Shaun and this was my opportunity.

“Shaun, I have something to tell you,” I began nervously.

“What?” he asked, not looking up at me.

“I lied to you about doing things with Scotty that night,” I breathed.

Shaun slowly raised his head. “You what?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

“I lied to you about doing things with Scotty,” I repeated.

He crossed his arms and leaned forward. “What did you do?” he asked angrily.

I bit my lip and took a deep breath. “I did give him a blow job,” I admitted quietly.

Shaun’s face turned redder than his hair. I had never seen him so enraged. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he growled.

“I got scared. I regretted doing it as soon as I sat next to you on the couch,” I answered.

“Yeah, lying just made it so much better,” he snapped.

“It did make it better! I didn’t want to hurt you, so I said I didn’t and it made you less tense,” I pointed out.

“Well I’m fucking pissed now,” he snapped. “Why are you just now deciding to tell me?”

“Because I felt bad.”

“Because you felt bad?” Shaun repeated in a mocking fashion.

“Yes! Can I not feel guilty or what?” I asked, tears threatening to escape from my eyelids.

“Can’t believe you lied,” he muttered, returning to cut out pictures.

“Yeah? And I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about you and Natalie discussing her giving you hand jobs,” I shot back.

Shaun froze in his spot. “Who told you that?”

“Doesn’t matter,” I replied, folding my arms. “You didn’t tell me. Why?”

“Scotty told you, didn’t he?” he asked, pressing his palms together.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why does it bother you when I don't tell you things, yet there's so much you're not telling me?”

“Because you didn’t know about the bj until just now. So if I was telling the truth, you still kept it to yourself!” I pointed out.

“Because it doesn’t involve you. I would have told you, but I didn’t want you to kill her! It’s mine and Natalie’s business. You are not included in our relationship,” he barked.

I blinked at his sudden backbone. I never bullied Shaun, ever. But I had never had him talk back to me. Actually, come to think of it, this is the first real fight Shaun and I ever had.

“Then what I do with Scotty doesn’t concern you either then, does it?” I returned, raising my eyebrow.

Shaun leaned back and licked his lips. “I guess not. But I can still be upset that you lied to me about it.”

I shook my head and gathered the pictures that had yet to be cut out. “You’re so full of it,” I mumbled. “Why are you so hesitant? What happened to ’as soon as she wants to sex it up, I’ll leave?”

“Why am I hesitating?” he repeated. “Because I still want to know that other people are still in the picture.”

“Is that why you’re never there when I need you?” I asked.

“You have the ever so great Scotty, now. You don’t need me,” he barked.

“That’s not true,” I whispered, shaking my head.

“Oh, yeah, that’s right. Scotty isn’t that great of a guy. In fact, he pretends to care for you and acts like he would never ever dare hurt you,” Shaun rambled, bobbing his head like an angry female.

“Scotty does do a lot for me and you,” I shot back.

“Yeah? What has he done for me?” Shaun challenged, crossing his arms.

“He won’t even talk about having sex unless I have sex with you first. He knows how important it is for me and you. If he was like Kevin, he wouldn’t even think twice,” I told him.

“Really? That’s the generous thing he’s doing for me? If he’s so nice and caring, how come he told you what Natalie and I talked about, knowing that it would hurt you, huh?” he asked.

I bit my lip, not knowing how to answer that.

Shaun snorted and shook his head. “Yeah, some caring guy.”

“Says the one who makes me cry almost every day,” I countered with a tear streaming down my face.

Shaun shook his head. “I don’t see why you are making such a deal out of this. I said I was going to wait for you, and I’m not going back on my word. But now I’m thinking about it.”

“Don’t you even! I’ve had my name stamped on your virginity since I told you what sex was, and she is NOT going to take that away from me!” I bellowed.

Shaun jumped a little with the sudden loudness of my voice. “Then back off, because it’s not going to happen. Just leave Natalie and my intimate relationship alone.”

I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. “Just as long as you tell me what’s going on,” I pleaded.

“No,” Shaun answered, shaking his head. “It’s not your business.”

I glared at him, waiting for him to say sorry. I knew I wasn’t going to get one when he cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows at me.

“I think it’s best if you leave,” he said quietly.

Tears started to run down my face faster than a raptor on crack. I stood up and threw all the pictures I had in my hand in the air.