Everlasting

I was sixteen, only sixteen. Little girls who have nightmares about getting lost in the forest, now i knew why. Even though i was never like those girls. I always loved the forest, it was a secret place. The trees over lapping, hiding you from the world. The birds chirping, you could actually see the skies and the stars. So when my dad said that we were moving it was the only place i felt that i could be safe. After all the woods were frozen, un-moving. I walked around, my head up in the sky watching the pattern of the clouds. I should of heard cold wind to the rustle of the bushes and the soft whispers that were coming towards me. But no I didn’t even notice it.

“Were moving….jenny and well your coming with us” I heard my dad say. It seemed that time slowed, because when he said those last three words I swear I saw his lips move in slow motion. I looked up at him, ever since my dad and my mom split I was in her custody and I didn’t really know what was going on.

“What do you mean I’m coming with you” I exclaimed. I rose form my seat, waiting for his explanation. I could see Wanda’s my step mother smile wheel back. I could tell she was not happy. My father stood straight now, away from his kneeling position.

“Well your moving with us” He said, his tone indifferent. I scoffed, I felt my tongue ring wiggle.

“Like hell” I muttered. Wanda seemed to think this was amusing also.

“Listen young lady, don’t you talk to us like that. We are your parents” She said, this made my laugh. She recited that as if she memorized a part of a parenting magazine. She never did have kids. I think because of me she never wanted any. And I felt honored to give her that gift.

“He’s my parent you’re the whore he settled with after my mom didn’t want him” I told her, I grimaced. Her eyes seemed to hold a small flame, she was mad for two reasons because it was true and because she didn’t want to believe it. My dad was a love sick puppy for my mom, if she gave him a hint of getting back together he would drop Wanda in a second.

“Jenny, Penny….don’t talk to Wanda like that” My father said softly. I wanted to slap him then a there.

“I’m not a little girl anymore” I told him, and ran.

It was the middle of fall in Rainsaw, and it was cold as ever. I didn’t know that the pond would still be frozen so when I tripped in fell in. It wasn’t the pain I felt first, it was the cold, the freezing cold. You couldn’t even shiver because your body was so frozen. Then I felt the loneliness, you could laugh at why I wouldn’t feel the pain my made my toes curl, and the pain that kept me down the frozen pond for all of my sixteen years of life. But the loneliness was what hit the hardest, the fact that no matter heaven or hell I would be alone. Just like I was before, well when I was alive. No mom and dad then and no mom and dad now. So I walk endlessly among these woods, watching the birds hatch out of their nests, taking flight for the first time. Watching my parents hug for the first time, at my funeral, and watching them lay me to ground. Which is ten times better then drowning in a unforgiving, frozen pool of water.

I stand by a tree leaning in the warm bark, it was summer now. And you would think i would've passed on by now. I mean i was over my death, and the people who i left behind. But i figured out in the latest of moments, and the seconds that whistled by i kept watch of my family. My mom getting remarried, and my dad being a father again. Wanda coming home with a little girl. Thats when i knew they had let me go, and they did their grieving was finished. And like magician dust i was gone, heaven, hell. Whatever it was, it was warm, and that was all i needed. Everlasting, never ending warmth. The thing i never got.