Caterpillars In the Spring
Three
Maddy and Harlow have become very fast friends. Any day that both girls are free, they are together. Running around the yard playing their make-believe games, childish laughter filling the warm, open air. Harlow does not attend public school, and Maddy hasn't even started her education, resulting in neither of them having any friends, so it's amazing to see this bond between the two girls.
"Does she have a father?" Joe asks Maddy's mom as they watch the girls by the oak tree, hunting for caterpillars and earthworms. The house is surrounded by a low picket fence, two huge oaks casting a shadow over the aluminum siding of the house, little white flowers popping up everywhere.
Tess, Maddy's mom, shrugs. "She has a... donor."
"Oh?"
Tess sighs. "I was seventeen - it was my birthday, actually - at a bar. I met a guy and got stupid. Don't know who he is or where he is except that his name's Brendon."
"Oh..."
She shrugs again. "I love Maddy, don't get me wrong... she's my baby... even if I could, I wouldn't take it back." She looks at them in such a way that both of them know she's telling the truth.
"That must have been so hard for you, though..." Nick says softly, frowning sympathetically.
"It was. But Maddy is my entire world."
"Have you looked for him?"
She shakes her head and looks across the lawn. "Even If I found him, what would I say? 'Oh, remember me? Well, guess what, you have a daughter! With cancer!"
"I guess not..."
Tess shrugs and sighs, looking over at the girls. "Do you remember that hat she was wearing when you met her?"
"Kind of..."
"She used to wear it every day. Even to bed. She'd NEVER take it off - until she met Harlow."
___________________________________
Harlow's cancer is back. And she's back living at the hospital.
This is the second time, but this time, it's worse.
Joe sits in her room and watches her sleep, curled up in a purple fleece blanket, surrounded by her stuffed animals and coloring books. She looks so peaceful sleeping - so innocent, so childlike, so normal. The way she should always look.
Nick quietly steps into the room and joins Joe. They both sit down there in that room and hold hands, just looking at their daughter. After several minutes, Joe moved over to Nick and pressed his face into his chest, crying silently. Nick just held him, running a hand through his hair as the tears poured out of both of their eyes. Nick had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that hadn't gone away since they'd gotten the terrible news.
Living in the hospital again has been awful. There's little rooms for patients families to stay in, like hotel rooms. But Joe and Nick usually stay with Harlow, sleeping on the chairs in the room. Joe always wants to be there when she wakes up, and to kiss her goodnight, and to be there in case she wakes up in the middle of the night, as she often does.
It's impossible to sleep at the hospital. There's the sound of beeping and machines, nurses and doctors moving back and forth, and there's the sounds coming from the city below, all of which make getting a night's rest a near impossible task. In just days, both men have bags under their bloodshot eyes - be it from crying or lack of sleep, or both.
And the money needed to pay for Harlow's treatment is growing short. A few weeks pass, and it really starts to take a toll on Joe. He becomes more and more quiet, and he seems to be disconnected from what's going on a lot of the time. He takes lots of time for himself, and Nick's not sure where he goes, but it's understandable that he'll want alone time to think, or maybe even to cry. But it's still heartbreaking to see a grown man act this way.
Nick's an actor. Not a very well-known actor, but well enough to pay the bills, working at the daycare center when he isn't working on a project, or when he's off the set. Sometimes he has to work painfully long hours at the studio, despite how badly he wants to be with Harlow through everything. And the job puts constant pressure and stress on the poor man, just to add to everything he already has to deal with.
"What's up with you today, Jonas?" the director snaps as Nick delivers another emotionless line, tripping over his words. His costar looks away and rubs his forehead, looking at the ceiling. Nick shakes his head and looks down at the floor in embarrassment.
"Nothing. I'm sorry. I just... can I take five?"
A heavy, exasperated sigh comes from the large man. "We're on a schedule, Jonas."
"I know. I'm sorry. Just, please?"
"Alright. Take five, everybody!"
Nick hurries off the set and to the water cooler, grabbing a paper cone shaped up and putting it under the little nozzle, pressing it down. He tilts his head back to gulp down some of the ice cold water, then pulls out his phone and dials his lover's number. A few rings pass before he answers.
"Hello?"
"Joe?"
"Oh, hey, cubby! How's it going?"
The greeting sounds overly cheerful. Forced. But Nick brushes it off.
"Rough," Nick sighed. "How's Harlow?"
"Good. Sleeping."
"Oh. How are you?"
"Fine."
He sounds exasperated. Stressed.
"You sound strange..."
"Just tired... "When will you be off?"
"I don't know... I'm really not doing good today," Nick sighed. "I keep messing up, I can't do any of my scenes... probably really late... are you at the hospital?"
"Where else would I be?"
There's an annoyed tone to his voice. Or maybe impatient. Like Nick's interrupting something. Nick's slightly hurt. He bites down on his lower lip, listening to the sounds on the other line for a moment.
"Joe?"
No verbal answer. He can feel the tension even through the phone. He hears a hiss and clatter and a muttered curse word. Something falling to the ground. And the rustle of clothing, picking it up.
"Joe?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Peachy."
"Where are you?"
"The hospital, Nick. I'm at the hospital with our daughter, just like I always am. Okay??"
"Joe..."
"What?!"
Nick flinches. He moves the phone away from his ear, bites down on his lip, and moves it back. "Sorry for bothering you," he whispers, feeling tears sting his eyes. He hangs up before Joe can say anything else, and then the director's falling him over to try the scene again.
Everything seems to be falling apart.
"Does she have a father?" Joe asks Maddy's mom as they watch the girls by the oak tree, hunting for caterpillars and earthworms. The house is surrounded by a low picket fence, two huge oaks casting a shadow over the aluminum siding of the house, little white flowers popping up everywhere.
Tess, Maddy's mom, shrugs. "She has a... donor."
"Oh?"
Tess sighs. "I was seventeen - it was my birthday, actually - at a bar. I met a guy and got stupid. Don't know who he is or where he is except that his name's Brendon."
"Oh..."
She shrugs again. "I love Maddy, don't get me wrong... she's my baby... even if I could, I wouldn't take it back." She looks at them in such a way that both of them know she's telling the truth.
"That must have been so hard for you, though..." Nick says softly, frowning sympathetically.
"It was. But Maddy is my entire world."
"Have you looked for him?"
She shakes her head and looks across the lawn. "Even If I found him, what would I say? 'Oh, remember me? Well, guess what, you have a daughter! With cancer!"
"I guess not..."
Tess shrugs and sighs, looking over at the girls. "Do you remember that hat she was wearing when you met her?"
"Kind of..."
"She used to wear it every day. Even to bed. She'd NEVER take it off - until she met Harlow."
___________________________________
Harlow's cancer is back. And she's back living at the hospital.
This is the second time, but this time, it's worse.
Joe sits in her room and watches her sleep, curled up in a purple fleece blanket, surrounded by her stuffed animals and coloring books. She looks so peaceful sleeping - so innocent, so childlike, so normal. The way she should always look.
Nick quietly steps into the room and joins Joe. They both sit down there in that room and hold hands, just looking at their daughter. After several minutes, Joe moved over to Nick and pressed his face into his chest, crying silently. Nick just held him, running a hand through his hair as the tears poured out of both of their eyes. Nick had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that hadn't gone away since they'd gotten the terrible news.
Living in the hospital again has been awful. There's little rooms for patients families to stay in, like hotel rooms. But Joe and Nick usually stay with Harlow, sleeping on the chairs in the room. Joe always wants to be there when she wakes up, and to kiss her goodnight, and to be there in case she wakes up in the middle of the night, as she often does.
It's impossible to sleep at the hospital. There's the sound of beeping and machines, nurses and doctors moving back and forth, and there's the sounds coming from the city below, all of which make getting a night's rest a near impossible task. In just days, both men have bags under their bloodshot eyes - be it from crying or lack of sleep, or both.
And the money needed to pay for Harlow's treatment is growing short. A few weeks pass, and it really starts to take a toll on Joe. He becomes more and more quiet, and he seems to be disconnected from what's going on a lot of the time. He takes lots of time for himself, and Nick's not sure where he goes, but it's understandable that he'll want alone time to think, or maybe even to cry. But it's still heartbreaking to see a grown man act this way.
Nick's an actor. Not a very well-known actor, but well enough to pay the bills, working at the daycare center when he isn't working on a project, or when he's off the set. Sometimes he has to work painfully long hours at the studio, despite how badly he wants to be with Harlow through everything. And the job puts constant pressure and stress on the poor man, just to add to everything he already has to deal with.
"What's up with you today, Jonas?" the director snaps as Nick delivers another emotionless line, tripping over his words. His costar looks away and rubs his forehead, looking at the ceiling. Nick shakes his head and looks down at the floor in embarrassment.
"Nothing. I'm sorry. I just... can I take five?"
A heavy, exasperated sigh comes from the large man. "We're on a schedule, Jonas."
"I know. I'm sorry. Just, please?"
"Alright. Take five, everybody!"
Nick hurries off the set and to the water cooler, grabbing a paper cone shaped up and putting it under the little nozzle, pressing it down. He tilts his head back to gulp down some of the ice cold water, then pulls out his phone and dials his lover's number. A few rings pass before he answers.
"Hello?"
"Joe?"
"Oh, hey, cubby! How's it going?"
The greeting sounds overly cheerful. Forced. But Nick brushes it off.
"Rough," Nick sighed. "How's Harlow?"
"Good. Sleeping."
"Oh. How are you?"
"Fine."
He sounds exasperated. Stressed.
"You sound strange..."
"Just tired... "When will you be off?"
"I don't know... I'm really not doing good today," Nick sighed. "I keep messing up, I can't do any of my scenes... probably really late... are you at the hospital?"
"Where else would I be?"
There's an annoyed tone to his voice. Or maybe impatient. Like Nick's interrupting something. Nick's slightly hurt. He bites down on his lower lip, listening to the sounds on the other line for a moment.
"Joe?"
No verbal answer. He can feel the tension even through the phone. He hears a hiss and clatter and a muttered curse word. Something falling to the ground. And the rustle of clothing, picking it up.
"Joe?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Peachy."
"Where are you?"
"The hospital, Nick. I'm at the hospital with our daughter, just like I always am. Okay??"
"Joe..."
"What?!"
Nick flinches. He moves the phone away from his ear, bites down on his lip, and moves it back. "Sorry for bothering you," he whispers, feeling tears sting his eyes. He hangs up before Joe can say anything else, and then the director's falling him over to try the scene again.
Everything seems to be falling apart.