Helplessly, Hopelessly

Pacing the waiting room back and forth I was beginning to feel claustrophobic, the pale white walls closing in on me. I felt short of breath, my breathing was running out soon. The collar of the tee shirt I wore was suffocating me, I tugged on it to try to loosen it but it clung to me. My jeans felt tighter than normal, my feet didn’t seem to fit my shoes. The jacket hung loosely to my body, I would sweat one minute then be freezing the next.

I glanced up at the clock when I passed by it, the clock arms told me it’s only been an hour, it felt like years have gone by. Raking a hand through my hair I blew out air, I stopped in front of some lame brochures that they hand. None of them seeming to snag my attention to try and distract me for a minute.

Someone cleared their throat behind me, my head swiveled around. It was just one of the guys adjusting themselves in one of the waiting room chairs. The paper thin black cushions didn’t offer you much comfort, nor did the pathetic toothpick frame.

Rob sat away from the guys, he sat by myself by the walls with the windows. He sat there with his hands folded on his lap, his face turned towards the windows so he could gaze out them. When I checked on him half hour ago he had a lost look in his eyes, a blank facial expression.

I scratched the back of my neck walking over to Rob, I stuffed my hands into my pockets. I looked out the window rocking back and forth on my heels, I blew air out once again. “’Ow yeh doin’ Rob?” I asked quietly, the waiting room was dead silent I didn’t dare speak louder than a whisper.

Rob didn’t answer me, he continued staring out the window. I sighed before taking a seat down in front of him, Rob didn’t even flinch or look at me. Sitting back in my chair I found myself gazing out the window too.

“I told ‘er she should of told yeh.” Rob whispered, his voice raspy, his eyes red and puffy.

“Wha’ yeh mean?” I asked turning my attention from the window to him.

“I told ‘er to tell yeh tha’ ‘er Leukemia was comin’ back.” Rob said turning his head slowly to look at me, his eyes were glazed over a sad look on his face.

I found myself choking on the lump that was growing in the back of my throat, I told myself I wasn’t going to cry right now. The battle within me was a bloody one but crying was winning. I wiped the corner of my eye before taking a deep breath and looking out the window again.

“She didn’ wan’ me to worry abou’ ‘er on me tour.” I said softly not looking at Rob, I saw him turn his head back toward the window.

“Did Leila tell yeh tha’ or are yeh jus’ sayin’ tha’?” Rob asked turning to look at me again.

“She told me,” I said looking at him. “When I got home.”

Rob nodding his head looking off, I let out a sigh before standing. I was going to let Rob be by himself, so I walked over to the guys and sat down. Rubbing my face I let out a huge yawn.

“Sykes, maybe yeh should get some rest.” Matt Kean said patting me on my back.

“Nah mate, I’m good. Yeh all can head home and ge’ some sleep if yeh wan’. I’ll phone yeh if anything happens.” I said letting out another big yawn.

“Rate Sykes, call us.” Matt Nicholls said patting me on the back too.

I watched the guys get up and walk out of the waiting room, they disappeared and I sat forward. Burring my face into my hands, I didn’t know what to think anymore.

Why me why. I cant loose this girl, I jus’ cant. I don’ know wha’ I would do. I thought swallowing back my tears.

I felt my eyes fill with tears again, I tried to swallow them back but I wasn’t doing a very good job. I slouched back in my chair, my hands folded in front of my mouth. A nurse in blue scrubs walked into the waiting room, she stopped looking down at her clipboard.

“Rob Parker?” she said looking up, I glanced back at Rob who stood up and walked over to the nurse.

“Yes tha’s me.” he said in a monotone voice.

“Leila would like to see yeh.” She said nodding, Rob nodded back then followed the nurse down the hall.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about this, Leila wanting to see Rob over me? Well I guess I can understand a little, he is her Uncle and shit like that. It still tugged at me, letting out a sigh I sunk further into my chair.

My eyes were heavy and needed sleep, I let out another yawn. I tried to get comfy in this damn chair before I closed my eyes. A small kip won’ hurt anyone. I thought drifting to sleep.

I wasn’t asleep for long, I felt someone shaking me. My eyes opened and I saw Rob leaning over me, I blinked a couple times before my eyes adjusted to the dull light in the waiting room again.

“Oli, yeh awake?” Rob asked me.

I sat up rubbing my eyes. “Yea, fer the most part.” I said looking around, I looked out the window, the sun was gone and it was dark outside. I looked back at Rob. “’Ow long was I out fer?”

Rob sat down beside me sighing. “A few hours.” He said not looking at me.

I nodded. “So ‘ow Leila?” I asked.

“She wan’s to see yeh now.” Rob said, he nodded toward the nurse that was waiting to lead me to Leila’s room.

I stood up quickly walking over to the nurse, she turned then lead me down the hallway. I rubbed my hands on my jeans, fixed or tried to flatten my hair. the nurse stopped short of a door, she nodded toward it.

“Leila Parker’s room.” she said before walking away.

Slowly I pushed opened the door and didn’t like what I saw.