Adrenaline

A boy, thirteen years old, sits down with a knife in hand. A thrill rises in his chest as he touches the switchblade to his upturned forearm. He dips the blade into his skin, and the thrill consumes him as he watches his own blood rush to the surface. Adrenaline.

✦✦✦

Vinyl strings beneath his fingers, his own music sounding in his ears. Johnny's best birthday present - an acoustic guitar from his mother. He strikes a chord that hangs melodically on the air. His heartbeat speeds with adrenaline. He sets to finding it again.

✦✦✦

He is sixteen. He sits in front of the principal of his high school. "You want to legally drop out of high school?" the old man asks. He nods. The principal picks up his pen - his black, ballpoint pen - and brings it to the paper. Johnny's heart jumps as the old man signs his name in seconds. Then it leaps another octave when the official-looking paper is handed to him. His fingers tingle as he takes the pen and presses it to the paper. He may regret this later. But who cares? He smiles and tries to keep his hand from shaking as he signs his name. He walks out of the building and takes a deep breath. His life is his own. He can do whatever he wants to with it. And that is pure adrenaline.

✦✦✦

The strange, painful tickling of the needle, the buzz of it humming in his ears, the permanence of the artwork that's in progress on his forearm - his heart is in his throat. And he feels alive - an adrenaline rush.

✦✦✦

All the sounds - his mind is jarring. He still manages to nail every chord at every cue. And he's having fun. He can hear the lyrics as they boom across the stage, he can hear the rambunctious crowd, and he knows he doesn't want anything to change. Striking chord after chord, moving to the music - rocking out. It's an adrenaline high.

✦✦✦

He stands at the alter, waiting for the music to start. He still can't believe he's actually going through with it. But hey, a pact is a pact. Sure, it's moving fast - that's kind of the point. The organ begins to play and the doors open to reveal her; she sure is beautiful. Her father leads her down the isle and it seems to take an eternity. He places her hand in Johnny's. The younger man feels his heartbeat quicken. Whether it's from love or adrenaline, he can't tell - though he suspects the latter.

✦✦✦

The phone rings. "Oh, hi, Nick," he hears his young wife say. He hears her murmur a few more things, then she approaches him. "It's Nicholas Cage. He has a something to tell you." He holds out his hand and the handheld receiver is placed in it. When he holds it up to his ear, the voice of Nicholas Cage greets him.

"Listen, Johnny. I've got my agent here, willing to represent you for an audition. He can sign the paper now and book it for you. What do you say?" After a second or two, a grin breaks out on his face.

The day of the audition arrives. What's the big deal? Reading a few lines to a stranger, in front of strangers… As the waiting list ahead of him gets shorter and shorter, he can feel the pressure building in his chest. He finally steps out in front of the directors, casting directors, and who knows who else, opposite a stranger. And then his adrenaline takes over, and he's in the moment.

✦✦✦

Working with Tim is truly a priceless experience. Johnny's given free reign. He can do practically anything he wants with his character. He can put as much or as little of himself into his character as he wants. In the instant Tim shouts "Action!" adrenaline shoots through his veins.

✦✦✦

The sound of the handcuffs clicking shut around his wrists, the feel of the cold metal against his skin... The officer sounds bored as he reads Johnny his Miranda rights. The actor smiles mischievously as he ducks into the police vehicle.

It's the adrenaline that has gotten him into this, and adrenaline he's enjoying now. In his mind, he sees the trashed room. He can picture the shattered glass, the torn curtains and bedsheets, the drawers pulled from their frames… Nothing in its place. He can't help the joy he feels as a residual thrill rushes down his spine. He remembers the feel of the smooth porcelain lamp in his hand and hears the memory of its shattering.

He opens his eyes as the cruiser pulls up the the station and he's escorted from the vehicle to the office. He the cold metal around his wrists is removed and replaced with the cold metal chair he sits in. And then they begin to question him. A miniscule fragment is all that remains of the adrenaline now.

✦✦✦

He hears his name called, and his heart stops. At prodding from the young, French woman sitting next to him, he rises. There's nowhere else to go, so he makes his way down to the stage. Climbing the few stairs, the sound of his boots striking each step seems louder to him than the cheering crowd. The walk across the stage seems amazingly long. He shakes hands with the announcer, and nearly drops the statuette when it's handed to him. The announcer is suddenly gone, and he's faced with a microphone. He looks past it and sees vague faces in the crowd, blurred by the insanely bright lights.

He steps closer to the mic and begins to speak. He's not sure what he's saying, distracted by the unfamiliar and unexpected texture of the statuette in his hands, while his quick breaths and the echoing sound of his own voice booms through the speakers, filling his ears. He just hopes he's not making a fool of himself. The adrenaline rush doesn't pass until at least four more actors are awarded.

✦✦✦

As he leads Vanessa up the walk, he hears a vulgar remark. He spins and his eyes meet those of a scumbag paparazzi wearing a sleazy smile. A dam in him breaks and his adrenaline's let loose. He lunges at the creep, and his fist makes contact. Everything is a blur until the police arrive.

✦✦✦

And then he's holding his baby girl.

And then he knows. His heart will skip a beat whenever she trips. He will have to hold his breath when he lets go of her bike. His heart will break whenever he sees her cry, but thrill whenever she laughs. She will be unpredictable, emotional, and irreplaceable. Her life will consume his, and he will fear for her life ten times as much as she does. She is all the adrenaline he will ever need.